#i've honestly enjoyed it enough i might start a new chapter to work on next time i'm not feeling great!

[nichiperi]

Been sitting on an extremely self-indulgent and fluffy ZADR sick-fic for about a year that I've been working on here and there... I'll be chucking it on Ao3 later tonight. :)

[luciferlightbringer]

Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 12

Hey! I'm so sorry that this chapter took a while! This week was a lot and smut takes a lot of energy for me to write because I care about the details and all. But now it is here! Also, I was gonna put a more cute/loving gif of Lucifer for for this one but then I saw this was and I couldn't stop laughing, so here we are. Enjoy~

Chapter 11|Chapter 12 (FINAL CHAPTER)

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 5.3 k CW: Slowburn, Angst, Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, depression, anxiety, insecurity, kissing, SMUTTTT (penetration, oral, handjobs, sub/dom, sex toys)

By the end of the day, all your things had been moved over to the hotel. Lucifer had offered to put your things in his room, but you had asked for your own, both because you wanted to have your stuff separate for now... and part of you wanted a separate place to be if you after Lucifer ever had issues come up. You didn't anticipate it happening, but the anxiety that came with a new relationship, especially your first healthy one, left you needing some time to adjust. Lucifer, being the good man that he was, respected it, but not without a little pouting, but you reassured him that you would still be spending every night sleeping by his side.

By the end of the day, you were tired, and honestly, so was Lucifer. The physical and emotional toll of the day had caught up to the both of you and you went to bed early that night. Snuggling up in each other's arms.

The next morning, Lucifer woke up early, excited, with a plan for the day. Lucifer got up and got dressed for the day, gave you a swift kiss on the lips as you laid half awake in bed and whispered, "I have some things I need to do today, but see you later. Ok? You're booked out with me starting dinner time, got it?" You nodded sleepily. He kissed you again, deeper this time. "I love you, Duckie." And then he left to go pick up supplies for his plan with you later.

A little bit later, you finally woke up and laid in Lucifer's- Lucifer and YOUR's bed... that would take some while to get used to. You heard a faint sound of commotion down in the lobby. You decided to get up to see what all the commotion was about, throwing on a basic shirt and shorts. It had been forever since you had gotten to have a slow day and wear clothes that weren't required to make you look like a sex toy, the change was really nice.

You skip downstairs to come face to face with a couple of familiar faces... some of your friends from the brothel! Gemma, Natalie, and Katrina, had all come also wanting to move into the hotel and give redemption a try. They saw how Lucifer and the others had fought for you, and they wanted in on that kind of support, even if they were still going to work at the brothel. You hugs them all and cried happy tears.

"You, uhhh... wouldn't be willing to spare one more hug, would ya, Babydoll?" You turned around at the familiar voice to see Larry standing behind you.

"Larry!" you hugged him, "What are you doing here?"

"Well.." he said sheepishly, "Truthfully, I've been losing the heart to run that brothel over the last several decades... Although business is already up a lot since it got out the Lucifer used my place, haha! We will see what happens... I am still running it, but... I might not be trying to find any new girls is all. Learning about this hotel here... gave me something else to try out... if... you are ok with me being here... that is..."

You smiled at Larry and hugged him again, "Of course I am! Every sinner is welcome here! Just one thing though... my new boyfriend might not be too fond of you calling me Babydoll anymore."

Larry laughed, "Fair enough, wouldn't want to upset him, I already know what that looks like, yeeshh," he said playfully pulling at his collar, "How about just 'doll'?" You nodded with a laugh, "That should work". You helped Larry and the other girls move in most of the day. Luckily you were distracted enough that you did not see Lucifer pop in and out the the hotel several times with supplies.

Eventually it came dinner time and you went off to your own room, to shower and get dressed for the event with Lucifer that night. You walked into your room to find a beautiful black and red dress with matching shoes and a bag next to it with a note saying:

Got you a little something for our first official date, I hope you like it. Love, Luci <3

Your heart swelled, you had no idea how your life had ended up like this, but you were the happiest you had ever been. You sighed happily and went to take a quick shower, did your hair with simple makeup and put on the dress. It fit your dimensions perfectly, like scary perfectly, and had no tag.

Did he have this made for you? This was going to be a lottttt to get used to, you were dating a King. Oh my god, you were dating a King. No... you were dating Lucifer, he could have been a sinner just like anyone else and it wouldn't matter to you. He could fall to an even darker pit of Hell and you would follow him. This must have been how Lilith felt all those years ago. You finished getting ready and you heard a knock on your door at your usual time.

You went to go open the door and saw Lucifer standing in front of you, wearing a more simple suit that was still just as sexy as his normally outfit, but with more black and red details to match you. As you catch his view, he catches yours, and you both look at each other with jaws agape as you take in each other's beauty. Lucifer was so happy that the dress fit you, and in all. the. right. ways. He gave you a prideful smile.

"I'm glad I got the measurements correct," he said with a smirk.

"So it was custom made, how did you know my dimensions?" you smirked back at him.

Lucifer raked his eyes up and down your body, "I'm just... good with spacial awareness." He wiggled his eyebrows.

You chuckled and nodded with a cheeky smile, "Wow, I never thought such a nerdy sentence could sound so hot~" you purred.

Lucifer got a little flustered, "Oh shut up," he grabbed your hand and putted you into a deep kiss. You two stood in the kiss and embrace for a few minutes before Lucifer pulled away, breathing heavily.

"I don't want to get too ahead of myself, we have an itinerary to keep to" Lucifer says as he taps his cane on the floor. Before you can ask what he meant, he teleports the both of you to a secluded room with large windows that overlook the Pride Ring, music softly playing in the background, Swan Lake.

You looked at the view and smiled, "All this for me?" you ask.

"Oh this is just the beginning of our night, my love. And yes, you deserve this and much much more," he kissed both of your hands before taking you to your chair. You and Lucifer ate dinner together, spent hours listening to music, flirting, and eventually got up and started dancing together. This made Lucifer think about how things used to be with Lilith, but he could appreciate that it was different, it was with you.

He dips you and kisses you deeply, running his hands down your frame. His body had been aching for yours all day during the preparations for the night, but he knew he had to be patient just a little longer. We wanted so desperately to claim you, but also, to fill you with all the love and pleasure that he could muster. It was the least you deserved.

Lucifer pulls his head back to be able to look at you as you look up at him, his eyes full of love as he smiled down at you, "I love you my darling, and from this day on, I will make sure you never go a day in your life where you doubt that."

You felt tears well in your eyes, "I love you too, King of Hell, King of my heart. I will do everything in my power to be by your side and love you." You kiss him again as he ends the dip, standing you back upright.

"Are you ready for the rest of the evening?" He said with some flirty mischief in his eyes, wiggling his eyebrows again.

You tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, "Oh I am."

Lucifer tapped his cane and you both teleported back to the hotel, in front of your door. "I have one more outfit for you tonight, get changed and come to our room in ten minutes," he asked trying to hide the excitement in his eyes at his plans for you. You nodded.

Lucifer kisses you again, deeper than all of the others, barely able to keep himself from taking you right there in the hallway. He parts and walks back to the room he called both of yours. You smiled and watched him walk away before going into your room. On the bed was another new outfit, who had put that there while you were gone? It was Angel, Angel wanted to help

On your bed, was a simple but elegant robe, the type of robe you would find at a spa or something, and nothing else. What was he up to? Before putting on the robe you also put on a set of lingerie that you had gotten a while ago, just for him to see if he had ever wanted to have sex with you back when he was still paying for your time, but now he got to see it for free, and that made you even happier.

You slipped on the robe, and after ten minutes, you walked down to your shared room with Lucifer and knocked on the door. Lucifer called for you to come in, and you opened the door to the room filled with lit candles, rose petals on the floor, a table over on the side that had stuff on it covered in a cloth, and Lucifer standing near the side of the bed, also wearing a robe that matched yours, this hat and cane off to the side. All you were able to see was his chest exposed down to the V in the robe and his black arms up to his elbows and his black legs to to the knee where they started to transition to white.

You laughed as you walked into the room towards Lucifer, "What is all this?"

Lucifer looked you over, Hells he wanted to rip that robe off of you, "Well... I wanted this all to be special. I know I could just toss you on the bed and probably have my way with you but... I want this to feel different... I don't this to feel like just another job... I want it to feel like love."

His words left a pang in your heart, you got close and cupped his face "You don't have to do all of this for me to feel like that, everything about you makes this feel like love... frankly... I struggled most of the time to see you as just a client... after a while I hated that you were because I wanted for it all to be real."

"Just for both of us to find out it was real the whole time," he said as he nuzzled into your hand, "I love you, and I'm going to spend the reset of the night and every day after showing you just how much I do." Lucifer then pulled you into a deep kiss. Both of you start to explore each other's bodies with your hands a little before Lucifer stops you again.

"Hells, you make it so hard to stop, but I have a plan here," he clears his throat, he is already shaking a little out of excitement and nerves, "You have spent a lot time using your body for others and I want to make you feel good, so I was going to give to a message. Does that sound ok?"

You melted, hell he was sweet and really hot, how could he possibly get more hot? "That sounds amazing actually..."

Lucifer's eyes lit up, "Great! And then uhh... whenever we move on to other activities... I may have uhh... gone with Asmodeus to get like... a bunch of new toys! Hahah... we don't have to use them now, if you don't want to. I just wanted us to have options..." he said pointing over at the covered table on the side.

You looked over at the table and then back at him with lust and mischief filled eyes, tucking a hair behind his ear, "We should probably get the massage started before I start perusing those toys," you purred.

Lucifer's face turn red and his loins stir, he gulps hard as he walked you over to the bed. As you laid down, you looked at Lucifer as you slowly shrugged off your robe and tossed it to the side, leaving you in only your lingerie as you laid down on the bed with your back and ass to the sky. Lucifer raked his eyes across your body and gulped hard again, this is the first time he had seen you this exposed since the night you met, and the memories alone did not do you justice.

He jumped up on the bed beside you, swiping your hair away from your back and covering his hands in massage oil before starting to rub into your back, and beginning his goal of feeling every inch of your body with his hands. He started to work his way down your shoulders, neck, lower back, and it felt amazing for him to touch and for you to experience.

As he moved his hands around your curves, he looked for points of tension and pain, and used a little magic to help in aiding his hands in relaxing you and making your body feel good. His touch feels incredible to you, even without the magic, and you can't help but moan and sigh as he worked your muscles. The attention he gave your back alone was already enough to get you turned on, even though you already had been pretty turned of from all the kisses, but you felt yourself starting to get more wet.

Lucifer held back a moan as he hear you start to sigh at the pleasure of his hands on you. He loved that he was making you feel good, making you feel pleasure. He wanted to worship you, your body. Your body was the alter to the entity that he now wanted to worship for the rest of his life. He felt himself already start to get drunk off the feeling of your soft skin, your beautiful muscles and curves. His hands started to explore more down an arm, down to your hand, working at your palm and trailing kisses down from your shoulder to your wrist before moving to the other arm and repeating the process there before doing the same down each leg.

You continue to moan and sigh as he moved across your body. The massage felt so good but your pussy continued to ache for him, every time he got close to your entrance, you started to shake and moan more. This was not lost on Lucifer, he loved seeing you quiver beneath him, and he wanted to badly to just dive into you... but not quite... he needed to torture you a little more.

He quickly snapped the back of your lingerie top and before you had time to talk, he quickly flipped you over and got on top of you. He straddled you as he slowly undid the tie on the front of his robe and slipped it off of him, leaving him completely exposed above you. You were now able to see the entirely of his well sculpted body, chest, back, hips... and his cock that was already hard and erect for you. Hells it looked incredible, you just wanted it in... so many places... He gave you a long and passionate kiss, with some exchanging of saliva between your mouths, tongues exploring each other before he starts to work to massage to front of your body.

The touch on your front was much more sensual thought than it had been on your body. Lucifer slowly kissed down your neck, your collarbone, your chest, down to you breasts. Lucifer removed the lingerie top the rest of the way before massaging around your breasts, playing with your nipples, kissing and nipping around one, before putting his mouth on it and sucking on it. The nerves in your nipples felt like they were on fire and that each flick of his tongue made your loins start to throb as you groaned. You started to weave you finger though his blonde hair tugged at it a little. He took his time before moving over at repeating the process on your other nipple.

You felt like you were going crazy with lust at this point, you had never been so desperate for someone to enter inside of you. You opened your legs a little, hoping for him to take the hint to just dive in... to devour you.

Lucifer chuckled to himself as he felt your legs shift open, he decided it was time to start ending your torment. As he finished his attention on your second breast, he traced a hand down your stomach and down to your mound, moving the fabric of your thong out of the way before starting to tease your entrance.

You start to pant and groan louder, "Luci, baby please... Please touch me... put your fingers in me... I can't take it... Mmmm.... pleas-uhhH!!!!" You moan louder as he cuts you off mid-plea by sliding a finger into you, and starting to pump it in and out. He was now able to feel just how wet you were.

"Mmm, all of this wetness for me? With how much fucking you do, I wouldn't think you would be such a dripping mess for me, I'm so honored," he purred as he stared up at you from your chest, mischievous lust dancing across him face, burning in his eyes. Slowly, Lucifer added a second and then a third finger into your dripping hole as he continued to finger you and he continued to kiss and nip his way down your stomach and down your thighs. curling his fingers up into your G-spot making you cry out with pleasure.

As soon as his mouth reached your thighs, he removed his fingers, getting better access to bite and kiss his way up your thighs towards your dripping mound, he was pussy drunk just looking at your gorgeous entrance. He looked up into your eyes as be positioned his mouth just above your folds.

"Oh my love, every inch of you is the most exquisite and radiant treasure... are you ready for my tongue to ruin you?" Lucifer growled.

"Yes... Luci, yes please... ruin me... eat me..." you whispered.

Lucifer gave you a wicked smile, "Good... because I've been starving since the day I met you, and it's time for me to eat my fill." Lucifer then enclosed his mouth around your folds and starts to swipe his tongue up and down your entrance before plunging his tongue deep into you.

You let out a scream of pleasure as his tongue assaults your entrance, it was incredible and he had barely started. Every touch from him set your body on fire. You grabbed onto Lucifer's golden locks as he lapped at you with a vicious hunger, as if he had not eaten in eons and your juices were his only source of food. Your screams of pleasure made him rock hard and he started to grind his own crotch against the bed to alleviate some of the need.

Seeing this, you make the decision that you wanted to take a more active role in the pleasure. You figure out how to flip Lucifer on his back, which caught him my surprise, and then you crawled up onto him so that you were hoovering your pussy over his face and were able to get access to his dick.

Lucifer grinned wildly at the sight of your mound hoovering above him, and grabbed both of your thighs to encourage you down until his mouth locked onto your folds again and his tongue was about to gain access to the inside of you again.

At the same time, you reached down and grabbed his dick, which caused Lucifer to moan deeply beneath you. As you started to stroke him more, Lucifer moaned more, and started to thrust his hips up into your hand. You guys try to match each other's pace with each other's pace of licking and pumping.

Lucifer pulled out his favorite trick, which was elongating his tongue inside of you and snaking it around until he heard you sharply inhale, indicating that he had once again found the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of you. He locked in on that spot and gave it as much attention as he could muster, even though he was finding it a little harder to focus due to the incredible feeling of your gorgeous soft hands on his throbbing shaft.

You and Lucifer continued like this for a while, an symphony of moans and sighs building between the two of you until you couldn't take it anymore, you needed him inside of you.

"Luci... uhhh... baby I need you... Oh hells... I need to feel you inside of me.." You sighed. Without another thought, Lucifer moved his hands up to your stomach and pushed you back onto the bed. He flipped around and crawled up to you, giving you a deep and hungry kiss as he spread your legs apart, finally ripping off your thong completely and discarding to the side so that it would not be in the way anymore. You loved getting lost in the taste of your juices on his tongue.

He broke off for a moment, panting, readying himself, teasing his cock at your entrance. He looked up into your eyes, a fire raging of lust and love as he growled.

"I've wanted this since the moment I saw that gorgeous sinful body of yours, since the day that the divine powers made it so that you were the one that ended up at may door, above anyone else. And now here we are, you naked in my bed, begging to feel the blessings of my cock inside of you? Oh well then I will RUIN you like this every day for the rest of your life, you hear me? This is your eternal punishment now, in my bed, slobbering, drunk off of my cock. Now tell me, darling, tell me what it is you truly desire?!"

You cried out, "I want you to fuck me Lucifer Morningstar!"

And at that, Lucifer started to slide into your entrance. You both moan loudly as you make connection with each other. Lucifer could on contain himself as his wings started to unfold from his back as he railed you. He looked down to see your head thrown back and your eyes rolling, and again he could not contain himself as his demon form emerged. Horns sprouted from his temples, eyes red, claws sharp, and a sharp black tail twisted out from behind him and wrapped its way around one of your thighs.

You looked up to see the new view of his, his angelic an demonic combination of features were so beautiful and terrifying in the sexiest way possible. His hands glided and squeezed along your body, kissing your legs as he held them up. You felt yourself starting to unravel.

"Luci-, oohhh... baby... it's soooo goodd.... I... I'm gonnnaa..." you tried so hard to hold yourself together a little longer.

Lucifer looked down at you with red eyes and growled with a smirk, "Cum for me, baby... let me finally claim that pleasure of yours... I'm so close..."

At his encouragement and growl, you threw your head back and moaned loudly as you felt yourself completely unravel, cumming and contracting around his beautiful cock. As you scream and your walls tightened around Lucifer, he felt himself also come undone as he felt waves of pleasure take him over at he hit his climax, emptying himself into you.

Lucifer then collapsed and rolled over to you side to breathe, "That... was... amazing..." he gasped.

"Ya... it was... fuck..." you weren't ready to had your hands off of him. You pulled him close and started kissing and making out with him again. He rolled back into your embrace to kiss your lips. After a few minutes, hands started to trail around each other's bodies again and you both started to let kisses roam as your bodies grinded against each other. You guys were both ready for another round.

You took Lucifer's shaft back into your hand and you started to pump un and down on it, and it did not take long before it was rock hard again in your hands. You then flipped onto you hands and knees at you continued to stroke his cock, still glistening and wet from your juices. A bead of pre-cum started to form at the tip, which you swiped off with your tongue, causing Lucifer to let out a pitiful moan and grab onto your hair.

"Oh baby... please.." he begged. All of the dominance and power he had earlier was gone, leaving the submissive desperate man you remembered meeting the first night. This reminded you of your plan from that night, you eyes glittered with mischief.

You slid your mouth around the head of his mouth, swirling around the tip before taking as much for his dick into your mouth. Lucifer was already losing it at the tip, but when you dove deeper around him he let out a long pitiful moan.

"Fuccckkkkkkk babyyyyy... ahhhh!!!!" he cried. You continued to pump your mouth up and down his mouth, some times removing your mouth completely to lick up the side from base to tip, and taking his balls into your mouth before returned back to filling your mouth with his cock. After several minutes of this, you stopped and slipped you way off of the bed.

Lucifer looked at you confused and in a happy daze as you walked over the the covered table and removed the cloth. The table was filled with more toys than you had ever seen in your life. The options were limitless, but you were looking for one thing in particular. You scanned the table until you found that you were looking for.

You grabbed a strap on and held it up, and gave a sly smile over to your prey that was still a slobbering mess over on the bed. Lucifer's eyes lit up and he gave you a dazed nod. You then took the strap on and started to secure it to you before strutting back to the bed, letting the shaft sway from side to side.

Lucifer slipped off the bed and got in his knees in front of you, taking the plastic phallus in his mouth to kiss and suck on it as well as the surrounding skin of your hips. You enjoyed the view of Lucifer on his knees in front of you for a minute, before you reach down his hand to tip his face up and make him you up at you.

You smirked at his submissive gaze up at you, "Up. On the bed," you commanded.

Lucifer nodded and scrambled onto the bed on all fours, his back arched and and up and ready for you. You grabbed a small tube from the table before slowly making your way back to the edge of the bed, putting a dollop of lube on your fingers before starting to massage his entrance. He gawked and moaned in response, especially he you started to work a finger in, and then two. It had been forever since Lucifer had been pegged, and hell did he miss it. He loved being at someone else's command, not needing to think for a minute. It was pure bliss.

You then started to spread some lube around the plastic of the strap on tip and shaft, making sure there was enough as not to hurt him. You positioned yourself to tease his entrance while you reached forward and grabbed around his throat, pulling him back, and you whispered in his ear.

"Now... are you ready for me to take you back to Heaven, darling?" you growled in his ear.

"Y-yes... yes mommy," he whimpered before you let go of the grip on his neck and slowly eased yourself into him. Lucifer let out a long moan as you slid into him. He dropped back down to all fours, and as you started pumping, he matched your pace in response. He felt so full and high on the feeling of you inside of him. As he got used to it, you started to pump faster and faster, his moans getting louder and louder. You waved your fingers through his hair, griping it and pulling his head back as you railed him, the grip of his hair making him moan and cry even louder, tears of pleasure running down his cheeks. Lucifer reached down and started to stroke himself as you pounded him. You took his other arm and held it behind him, forcing his face with squish into the bedding, muffling his cries.

After a while, Lucifer couldn't take it anymore, "Baby...oh hells... I need... mmmm... I need to fuck you... I beg of you." It made you so wet to see him like this, to have this power over him and to be pleasuring him in this way.

You cocked your head to the side and stopped you momentum while inside of him, and you pull him back up so you could whisper in his ear, "What is the magic word, Luci?" you purred.

"Mmmm... ahhh... p-please?" she whined. You obliged, removing yourself and replacing him on the bed on all four. Lucifer made quick of work of getting you in the same position you had just had him in, but with both hands behind your back as he quickly entered you and began pounding you again, screaming and moaning. You were sure the whole hotel could hear you, but you guys didn't care. It didn't take long until you both were reaching climax again and came at the same time before falling on the bed again in an exhausted heap.

Once he caught his breath, Lucifer pulled you in close, to cuddle against your naked body. Your bodies felt like magic against each other. He wanted to do nothing else other than hold you the rest of the night, you guys had the rest of time to try out the rest of the toys. He found your hand and laced his fingers in with your as he looked in your eyes. All you saw in each other's eyes was love and joy.

"y/n, I love you so much. Now and forever."

"I love you too, Lucifer."

You pulled Lucifer into another passionate kiss.

As you drifted off you sleep in Lucifer's arms, you whispered "I'm so happy we found each other, found love... in a hopeless place."

THE END

(unless?)

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Thank you all so much for the love I have gotten for this story! This is beyond anything I ever thought I would see from this and I am so happy. Some people are interested in a 2-5 years later chapter, would anyone be interested in that? This would be a chapter 13 that I would probably be posted in a few weeks. Let me know in the comments. Also! I will be starting my next Luci x Reader story in a few days, "Talk to Me", which will focus on a Fallen Angel Reader. Let me know if you want tagged in Chapter 1 of that! xoxo, dany ❤️

Taglist:

@froggybich @wonderlandangelsposts @glowinthedarkbones1150 @marydragneell @crescent-z @superdinosaurnacho @jam0001 @kyo-kyo1 @so-get-this-sammy @tiredlillypad @kelppsstuff @loquacious-libra @pinkhoneydrop @luleck @writer-girl99 @lavenz @stormz369 @littleladydemon @soujiswife @melday0105 @luluxx118 @sseleniaa @futureittomainn @cktkat @zaneyyyy @uravitsy @liecoris @starlitvenus @hannahrose130 @elleofdragons @butch-medusae @concentratedconcrete @erosamasan @stranger-chan @lxkeee @holyspacething @hulyenl @leximus98 @lu-ferri12 @mixplara @katnisspeetaprim @rebecca-hvnstn @roboticsuccubus83 @nekemewlita @femboyfatalle @thelethex @cryptidghostgirl @snowlotr @bangchansdirty-slut @glowymxxn @mcueveryday @hotvillianapologist @oneiric-rotaerc @wolfdaddyalphasworld @sleepypottersworld @wisterialagoon @theredviolets @theperfectmangovoid @lemonmoonmochi @sapphireravensworld @ezi0724 @undertalephanjackandmark-blog @apatcheworkofproblems @aquaamethyst96 @sashaphantomhive @randomstranger703 @cherry-4200 @herbalsingularitea @sophiaj650 @cimadreamer

[livesworthlivingau]

Behind the Vale Chapter 11

ISAT Spoilers below! Two-Hats Implied! CW: overeating/nausea

"So if you don't mind me asking… what… are you, exactly?" [Your new travelling companion asks while you fiddle with the terribly drab cloak tied around your neck. We simply must find a better outfit soon...]

"Oh you know... Just your average traveler who caught a shooting star, swallowed it whole~!" [The cadence of your voice does a fantastic job making it even more unbelievable than it sounds. We don't lie after all, it's not our fault everyone just assumes that~]

"... Riiight... So how'd you end up with Bonnie? And the rest of the saviors I assume? I don't remember hearing about any walking star travelling with them."

"I just ran into them one day... honestly it was pretty similar to how we met. A big nasty sadness was about to go after their fighter, so I just swooped in to save the day~. It was a lot more impressive back then since I didn't pass out after~." [You giggle to yourself a bit. Your story stops for a moment, before you realizing that Nille is still eagerly listening in... Stars, she wants more... how far are we going to let this go Vale?... You sigh before continuing]

"They all invited me to join them on their little quest to save the country... it didn't exactly work out by the end though..."

"... You don't have to talk about it if you don't wanna... Did anything happen between you and Bonnie though?..."

"No, no, nothing like that... I just... I wasn't strong enough to stick it out to the end is all~." [You almost choke out, struggling heavily to keep up your cheery demeanor. She notices it slipping, but drops the subject none the less.]

"Well I think the next town isn't too far away, I don't have a lot of coin on me but maybe I can do some odd jobs and we can get you some nicer clothes."

"Oh you don't have to do that, this cloak is fi-"

"Look, you might not have a mouth, but that look on your face wasn't that hard to pick up on." [She chuckles some as your expression drops to annoyance. A new outfit would be nice, though...]

"Fine, fine, if you insist~. I could use a real meal first thought, I can't remember the last time I've had real food, no offense."

"Hey, none taken, like I said before I ain't the chef of the family."

"Well let's hurry along then, I'm already starving again... how often are you supposed to eat again anyhow?" [Her only response is a heavy belly laugh... until realizing you were actually being serious.]

"Oh man, that star really did mess with yah, didn't it?"

"You don't know the half of it~!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

[The delicious scent of various kinds of foods floods your sense, you'd be drooling if it didn't evaporate away so quickly. You simply start digging in as you shovel bite after bite into your featureless face, confusing anyone who watches. You didn't care how many looks you got, you were starving and this was heaven~.]

"Hey now! Pace yourself Vale, don't wanna get yourself sick!" [Nille protested, trying to get you to slow down like the concerned older sister she was used to being. You took no heed of her caution, continuing to scarf down every last bite provided by the gracious food stands in town. Nille's valiant tale of proclaiming you as her savior earned up plenty of pity food, and you're far too hungry to protest.]

"I don't care, this is the first real food I've had in who knows how blinding long!" [You gargle out between bites, causing Nille to give a defeated facepalm and just watch annoyedly.]

[You finally finish your massive feast, while Nille enjoyed what were effectively your scraps. You sigh in delight and slump over onto the table, looking oh so satisfied.]

"Oh stars, I needed that... Any who, let's find some work, shall we~?" [You stand up quickly, before a wave of nausea rushes over you, painting across your pained face. You topple over and grip your stomach with one hand, covering the featureless lower half of your face with the other. Nille just bursts out laughing.]

"Hahaha!! I told you so! You rest up and let your stomach settle, alright? I'll find some work to do, maybe you can join me later if you're up for it." [Yet again, you're stuck accepting the pity of others, just trying your best to lie still to avoid upchucking all that delicious food...]

"Rffff... a-alright..."

------------------------------------------------------------

[Once your stomach has finally settled, you blinding idiot, you join Nille in helping restore old and rusted tools around the town. They had weathered heavily due to the lack of care for months and months with the king's curse plaguing the land. Nille uses her trusty hammer and some Craft to forge thing's back into a sturdy shape, while you sharpen all the blades with a whetstone and simple Wish Craft ritual... It feels very wrong to be playing with this type of craft again, but this level of it feels fairly harmless...]

[The two of you make a decent haul of coin for your efforts, staying up in the inn for the night before you'd continue your new journey as travelling companions. You lie in your own bed across from Nille's, slowly closing your eyes to drift off to-]

"Hey Vale?..." [... or not...]

"Why yes Nille, how can I help you~?"

"... Do you think Bonnie's doin' okay? I don't know how long it's been since you've seen them but... I'm just worried about 'em."

"... They are doing wonderful. They're surrounded by loved ones and could not be more eager to see you again."

"You really think so?..."

"No, Nille, I know so~." [You respond with a wink, giving a tired stretch and yawn.]

"Now let's get some rest, I've got a big day of outfit planning tomorrow and need my beauty sleep~." [She chuckles some more in response, turning over to settle in for bed.]

"Thanks Vale... g'night."

"Good night, Nille~."

[within-your-eyes-if]

A Few Updates

Hello everyone!

I have some exciting news and a few thoughts I want to share. Another long update, I'm sorry!

Codex Update: As you know, I've been working on updating the Codex. I've put a lot of thought into each entry, balancing new ideas with existing lore. While a lot of elements were already established, delving deeper into some topics has inspired some new ideas, and I want to ensure everything fits seamlessly. With this in mind, I'm considering releasing what I have so far while I continue to ponder over some of these newer concepts and refine older ones. In the next few days, I'll be going through more feedback to address some issues found before I plan to release the update.

New Story: I'm excited to share I've released a prologue and first chapter for From Here to Again! Writing something different is meant to help me grow as a writer and expand upon things I might not have considered before, especially when writing Twine.

I will not be making a Tumblr for this story right now, sorry!

I know I've shared other stories that I planned, and here are some updates on those:

Nautical Lost would definitely benefit from a later release as Within Your Eyes grows, as this story will expand upon the world lore and some events that will happen.

The Innkeeper (a working title), I decided to hold off on because I'm terrible at management games, it seems. It was meant to be a fun little story with shenanigans. However, I do want to revisit the idea later.

Short Stories: I've expressed I want to make some short stories, but I feel like there's a point in WYE I want to pass first before getting into them. But I do have one I'm working on that I want to release alongside Part Two that delves into the past.

Worries About Burnout: I know some of you are/might be worried about burnout, but I feel like I have a good system for myself. Writing is a journey I haven't explored much before. I did write, but it's something I didn't think I was good at because, honestly, I was told I wasn't. I know I'm not the greatest, but I want to grow and learn as a writer. I've been taking breaks to focus on other things I enjoy, even if it's still writing out ideas for other stories.

I appreciate all of the concern in this regard, not just for my well-being, but also for the love of my story. To see it abandoned would be heartbreaking not just for my readers, but for me as well. 'Within Your Eyes' has been an idea long in the making, shifting and growing. It's something I've always wanted to share, and I'm so happy I have!

Time for Questions: I'm ready to start answering some of your questions regarding Part One. Enough time has passed, I believe, to start delving into these. To respect those who haven't caught up yet, I'll include any spoilers under a 'Read More' tag. However, be mindful that some questions themselves might contain spoilers.

Regarding certain asks/scenarios, I think that discovering the answers through the story rather than in a post might be more rewarding. While I may still respond to these, I'll be thoughtful about placing them under a 'Read More' tag as well.

Regardless, I've been thinking more about how I should approach questions, not only in a way that's satisfying to you, but also benefits the story.

Closing Thoughts: Sorry again for the long update. I've been very reflective after releasing a second story, and I hope no one sees this as me diverting from WYE. I'm grateful for every one of you and for all of your words of encouragement and love. I hope you enjoy From Here to Again (if you decide to check it out) and continue to look forward to our Warden's journey.

Thank you!

[citrus-moonlight]

Salvation is a Deep Dark Well

Chapter 3: Now When I Look In Your Eyes

[ Masterlist - Part Two ] -> [ Masterlist - Part One ]

Fandom: MCU - Age of Ultron, Black Panther Pairing: Ulysses Klaue x F!Reader Word count: 9.4K Chapters: 3/6 Rating: Explicit

Summary: You manage to distract yourself for long enough to make through the rest of the day, but when Klaue finally returns to you he still makes you wait, surprising you with something unexpected before finally making good on his promise.

Warnings: Explicit!, Mild Age Difference, Reader is Late 30s, Use of Pet Names, Teasing, Smut, Dirty Talk, Reference to Masturbation (F), Mild Size Kink, Soft Dom, Nipple Play, Oral Sex (F!Receiving), Begging, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms (F), PIV Sex, Cock Riding, Cream Pie, Praise Kink, Needy Dom, Very Brief Fingering, Cum Eating, Porn With Plot, Reader is In It Now Kids, More Accidental Feelings Oh No

Author's Note: Hello, friends, and welcome back! When I tell you I'm very glad I split up this chapter - this was essentially supposed to be a chapter "prologue" of maybe 2k, and then, well, *gestures broadly*. Klaue wants what he wants, what can I say. 😏

The next chapter is going to be an undertaking (gala!), and I can't really give a timeline at this point, but it's at least outlined and in the meantime you can read their little holiday interlude (which I accidentally wrote first, lol) and it'll now be in order! ☺️

As always, thank you for reading and for sticking with me, I hope you enjoy this next chapter! 💕

✨ Read on AO3 ✨

Chapter title is from "Come Alive" by Cannons

Now that you're by my side I get this feeling, get this feeling Like I'm hypnotized Now when I see your eyes I get this feeling, get this feeling I just come alive And I've been dreaming of you Do you dream of me too?

Through every ounce of will you can summon you somehow manage to last.

After stopping by your room to quickly wash and change, you realize once you get back to the industrial sector that there’s not enough of your shift left to justify starting on any new projects, so instead you occupy yourself with busy work - finally putting away your station that was left in disarray after the tense altercation earlier, and getting rid of everyone’s scrap that's been piling up in the workspace.

Then you trudge through a layer of fresh snow to finally finish the inventory that you’d attempted to start two days ago before everything had gone to shit.

Even as you try to focus on the tedium of the various tasks you inevitably find yourself turning over Klaue’s request - his command - in your mind.

Honestly, you probably wouldn’t have done more than think about it, having really just been wanting to tease him (which you’re starting to enjoy doing, perhaps a little too much), but on top of the natural frustration from being interrupted, then being told that you couldn’t? 

He'd managed to find a way to drive you mad even when he was nowhere near you.

Waves of heat roll through you as you make entries in the log, and every time you move you’re growing increasingly aware of the slick sensation between your thighs, a reminder that you’re already making a mess of your fresh panties.

And, so? What do you want?

Besides whatever he’ll give you.

Besides everything.

A thick index finger slowly sinking into you, dragging and curling while his thumb rubs your throbbing clit until you’re shaking.

Another tick on your paperwork and you circle the total a little more aggressively than necessary, leaving a little tear in the paper, ink marking the page beneath.

Locking up the first cage you move on to the next, feeling as though plumes of steam should be visibly rolling off of you, and eyeing a snowdrift you wonder if it would draw too much attention if you just lay down on it face first. It seems like the only thing that might actually cool you off right now as the overlap of memory and anticipation has an aching heat wrapping around your hips and flowing outward from deep in your belly.

His thigh pressed against your sex, but now you're bare for him, the hair on his leg dark with your arousal as strong muscles flex beneath you, and this time you rut against him for as long as you want.

And he's the first man who's made it feel like it’s alright for you to want. Unafraid of your desire Klaue instead seeks it out, coaxing you to surrender to it, pushing you to admit that it’s yours until you can't help but take and then, oh, the satisfied darkness in his eyes when you do.

As you continue to work you wonder if maybe he’s feeling the same way you are right now. Does it make him hard to think about you while he deals with his men and speaks to important figures? Is he shifting and adjusting himself at the thought of how needy you must be but forced to deny yourself?

Or is he calm, knowing that even now there’s a way that every thought is tethered to him, not thousands of miles away but right here in the same building, waiting.

The idea of him being distracted pleases you, but certainly does nothing to help the throb in your core. You think about how easy it would have been to find a release when you’d stopped by your room, and now you're growing so distracted that you’re tempted to go back or to slip away into a washroom. It would be quick with how worked up you are and then maybe you’d be able to actually concentrate.

After all, how would he know if you did?

And yet a part of you knows that it wouldn’t be satisfying, not really. That same part that connects to the tugging desire to be good, that wants him to be pleased that you’ve obeyed.

So you shake your head and fall back on a trick you use to help curb your emotions when you’ve had to deal with shitty people throughout your career, starting to rhyme off words in your head - glow, tomorrow, elbow, tempo, Orinoco Flow. Gradually your mind begins to calm a bit, and after several slow breaths the ache ebbs enough that you’re able to focus back on the tanks and the clipboard in your hand.

Once you settle into a rhythm you manage to finish the inventory pretty quickly, even if can’t completely stop your mind from spinning a little, and as you lock everything up and head back to drop off the paperwork with Tom, you finally have to admit to yourself that you knew what your answer was going to be as soon as Klaue told you to decide.

Several hours later the sun has fully set when you open your door to the welcome sight of Klaue standing in the hallway.

You want to reach out for him, to grab his shirt and pull him to you, but for now you simply watch as he walks in and slowly shuts the door behind him and turns to face you.

“Did you have enough water?” 

You can’t help but huff a laugh that the first thing out of his mouth is to make sure you’d listened to what he’d said, even though he must be more than aware that all you want is for him to throw you onto the bed.

“I’ve been drinking.” You assure him, though you can’t help rolling your eyes a little. 

His gaze narrows, not questioning but still eyeing the half-empty bottle on your nightstand.

“And you’re feeling alright?”

“I’m feeling like I might lose my mind if you don’t touch me soon,” you all but scoff.

“You know what I mean, darling,” he warns, sharp eyes flicking down to your lips.

For the love of god, please just kiss me.

“Still good, Ulysses, I swear. And I promise I’ll let you know if I’m not.”  you reply, sweetly frustrated, but you can’t help but smile at his concern.

He seems placated, but still doesn’t approach you.

“And did you work past your shift?”

You swear to god one more question and you’re just going to throw yourself at him, though this one still gives you pause.

It had been your instinct to, you can’t deny it, tempted to find more to occupy yourself so that you wouldn’t be quite so trapped with your thoughts. But you’d resisted, and once you passed off the paperwork there was no real reason to stick around.

“No. I didn’t.” 

You feel a little silly at the giddiness that follows your truthful reply and the pleased grin that twitches at the corner of his mouth.

“And you waited.”

These words are lower and there is no question in them. 

You’re certain that he already knows the answer, that he could tell as soon as he’d walked in the door. You’ve been antsy, unable to stop shifting on your feet, your restless hands unconsciously picking up your scarf from the table by the door and twisting the short fringe into tiny spikes during this exchange. 

“I did.” 

Slowly he steps toward you, plucking the scarf from your fingers and dropping it back on the table.

“I’m glad to hear it.” His voice drops, your breath hitching in anticipation when a hand lifts to finally reach for you.

But then he pauses, fingertips a hairsbreadth from your skin. Seeming to consider something he pulls back again and you have to bite back the frustrated noise that wants to escape your throat. 

“Come with me,” Klaue moves away from you, nodding toward the door. 

“I’d very much like to, thanks,” you think, the tingle of the near contact leaving your nerves buzzing, but while you're nearing your wit’s end you can’t help but be curious about what he’s thinking. 

Steeling yourself with a deep breath you nod wordlessly, but as you walk over to grab your key card from the bedside table you make a quick decision. Following the temptation of a thought that you’d been considering earlier you slide open the drawer to find something hidden within, quickly pocketing it along with the key and your phone.

Before you’ve gone very far, though, Klaue directs you to the canteen. You can’t say that this is what you were expecting but you wait quietly, curiosity knitting your brows as he starts to work one of the machines, hot water pouring over a black tea bag as he adds a packet of honey to the dark, steaming liquid. But then instead of drinking it himself he hands it to you.

“I know you didn’t drink enough water,” he chides.

Your mouth drops open though no words come out. 

You want to laugh, acutely aware that you both know the reason for the tea. Eyes wide, you glance around and even though you know that anyone who might be watching will continue on oblivious, when your eyes meet his heat flares between your thighs as you recall the tears that stained your cheeks while you gratefully licked his mess from your lips.

“Thank you.” Your heart races as you bite back a smile and finally wrap your fingers around the proffered drink, and then with a darkening look you feel a hand on the small of your back, swiftly guiding you on your way.

You really had felt fine but as you sip the hot liquid you have to admit that it feels nice as the honey soothes your throat, a frown and another swallow of your tea unable to tamp down the flutter in your chest that seems to match the sweetness on your tongue.

When you reach a familiar juncture you wonder if he wants to finish things where they’d started, but then you make a different turn and then another, leading you away from his office until eventually he stops in front of a door that appears to be down its own hallway. 

The cup freezes on its path to your lips when you notice the key card in his hand and the realization suddenly hits you: These are Klaue’s quarters. 

Oh shit.

It hadn’t even occurred to you as a possibility tonight. Not that you hadn’t thought about it - in fact you’d thought about it more than a few times - but you still feel like a deer caught in the headlights as the lock beeps and clicks open.

Your heart pounds as you follow him inside where you’re greeted by an insistent pinging coming from a workstation in the corner, and with an impatient sound Klaue walks to the desk with a scaled down version of what you’d seen in his office.

“Hm, I need to check on this. I’ll just be a minute.” 

You barely hear him. He could have very well told you that an Asgardian ambassador and the Queen of England were waiting for a video call with him and you’re not sure that you would have reacted. 

As you wait for him you force the analytical side of your brain to kick in and try to observe some of the details, noting that his room is almost identical to your own quarters, just bigger: An open layout, a closet in the same spot, but with something that could actually be considered a proper window. 

The main difference is the additional space akin to an office with the desk and electronics connected to several monitors, which doesn’t really surprise you: Klaue doesn’t strike you as the type to ever really stop working - at least not for very long.

Aside from the cool light emanating from the corner where he’s sitting the room is dim and unexpectedly warm, and as you look around your eyes inexorably stray to the bed (his bed), partially made, the covers and sheets a stoney grey and roughly pulled up to where crooked pillows sit against the headboard and- 

Jesus, you need to sit down. 

Unfortunately the only place to sit right now would be the bed, which just makes you need to sit down even more, and-.

Oh god.

Squeezing your eyes shut you take several slow inhales in an attempt to get your pounding heart under control.

“So..” 

You nearly jump at the sound of his voice, and when your eyes fly back open you see that he’s finished, the monitors now sitting dark behind him.

“Have you decided, darling?” Klaue’s words are deceptively casual, belying the heat in his eyes.

He’s back now, focused entirely on you again, chin propped against his knuckles as his hungry gaze slides over your body, and you can’t help how your own eyes immediately stray to his spread thighs and the prominent ridge between them that’s growing evident even in the low light.

“I have.” You manage to keep your voice soft, but you can’t hide the tremble in your reply.

Pushing himself up out of the chair Klaue slowly saunters over to where you still haven't moved, stopping when he's close enough that you can feel the heat of his body, invisible tendrils of need reaching out for him, desperate to close the gap.

“And?” The word is low and breathless and sets your nerves alight.

Finding it difficult to meet his eyes your teeth catch your lower lip, a shy flush working its way through your body even as your desire flares hot again. 

“Well, it wasn’t easy.” You glance at him through your lashes. “I had a lot of time to think. And there are so many ways that you make me feel good.” 

As you speak he finally reaches out to you, fingers grasping the hem of your shirt and tugging it up until you lift your arms to allow him to pull it over your head.

“Go on.” Klaue prompts, leaving you to swallow a moan when he suddenly drops to his knees.

Looking up at you expectantly his hands slide up the backs of your thighs, briefly cupping and squeezing the curve of your ass before moving to your waist to seek the bare skin there.

“Well, I was thinking about…letting you watch me.”

Fingertips still in their ghosting path just above your waistband.

“I thought about letting you watch how I use my fingers to make myself come when I’m alone here. Alone and wishing you could hear me every time I moan your name.”

You can see that his breathing is going rough at your words, and licking your lips you continue.

“Or maybe…using this.” Slipping your fingers into the pocket in the side of your leggings, you pull out what you’d tucked next to your phone earlier, shining silver and not much bigger than a tube of lipstick.

Brief confusion followed by a sharp look of understanding flashes across Klaue's face as he realizes what you’re holding.

“A vibrator?” His voice is intrigued, a brow arching as he takes the small device from you and turns it over in his fingers, perhaps imagining you using it, writhing in pleasure yet unsatisfied because it’s not him. 

But at the same time you can tell he wasn’t expecting this, his expression coloured perhaps with a shade of disappointment. And that shouldn’t make you feel as good as it does. 

He looks like he’s going to say something but holds it back, he’d laid out the parameters, after all. He’d told you that you had to decide how you were going to come, but he didn’t actually say that it had to be him.

“I thought about you watching me with this against my clit, until you decide I’ve had enough. Until I beg you to let me stop.”

You can see his mind working though he’s uncharacteristically quiet, the fingers of his free hand digging into your hip so hard it’s beginning to ache.

“But…then I changed my mind.” 

“Yeah?” Klaue’s voice is strained as he seems to go still as stone, hardly seeming to breathe now, waiting for you to continue.

“I want your mouth, Ulysses.”

A look of pained relief glints across his eyes before hardening back into a vehement blue, and without waiting for you to say anything else he roughly tugs at the waistband of your leggings, peeling them halfway down your thighs, and then with a groaned sigh his lips are suddenly pressed against your clothed mound.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” 

Klaue’s breath is warm through the fabric of your panties, his tone indicating that it may have been less hope and more desperation. 

“Tell me why.” His command is the rumble of a distant storm that sends a shudder through your body.

“Because…I couldn’t stop thinking - I can never stop thinking about it, Ulysses, oh-” 

You gasp when his tongue is suddenly on you, pressing to easily part your cleft before sliding down to taste the damp spot where your arousal has soaked through the fabric.

“Is that all?” He asks with an infuriatingly coy smile, waiting for you to continue. 

“I need your mouth between my legs, I need you to taste what you do to me, what just the thought of you does to me, oh my god-”

He rolls his tongue against your clit, the slick friction quickly growing rougher and more demanding. 

“And because…because I can feel that you want it too, and that makes me feel really fucking good.”

Arching against his mouth your words trail off to a moan, but just as pleasure begins to swirl hot and insistent Klaue pulls away, his fingers tugging your panties down as well, and your hands brace on his shoulders as he helps you out of everything.

“There’s very little in this world I want more, darling. I love feeling how wet you get when you’re desperate for my tongue."

As you watch his fingers moving it occurs to you that he often seems intent on being the one to undress you, calloused palms running over the skin he's revealed, that's his to reveal, eyes dark and riven with need as though seeing you for the first time.

Once you’re stripped down to only your bra he pauses, hands fitting around your waist, forehead resting against your hip. Warm breath washes over your skin and although he’s so, so close to where you’re aching for his touch you find yourself pausing with him, your mind growing quiet.

It’s a different kind of quiet from the way he so deftly empties your head with his fingers or his cock, every thought supplanted by pleasure. There’s still a trembling anticipation that can't be ignored, electricity buzzing steadily through the air between you, but for a moment you both surrender to the calm, hovering in that space between heartbeats.

Your hands explore the backs of his, playing over his rings, over the leather cuff on his wrist, and when they trail over his forearms you can feel the faintest tremble in his muscles as he holds you against him. 

Your fingers find a salt and pepper curl and brush it away from his face, needing to see him, the breath nearly knocked from your lungs when his shining blue gaze finds yours. He almost looks surprised, perhaps unused to your tenderness, but after a breath the crease between his brows softens as he leans into your touch. 

It’s not long, though, before the air begins to crackle again and with his eyes still on yours he shifts, slowly dragging the tip of his nose along your cleft with a deep inhale and a sigh, and just that warmth against your sensitive flesh has you whimpering, the calm quickly ebbing away as your aching need swiftly flows back in.

Your hips flex forward to seek more and your breath catches in anticipation of his tongue, but instead he pulls away, and before you have a chance to protest he's standing again, reaching quickly to unclasp your bra, sensing a crack in his composure in the brief fumble of his fingers as they work the metal loops. 

Now standing naked in his room Klaue moves in close enough that as you breathe the peaks of your nipples brush against his still clothed chest, and when he leans in you instinctively tilt your head.

“Tell me again.” Lips ghosting across the skin beneath your ear sends fresh heat to your core.

“I need your mouth, need you to make me come on your tongue.” You pause before adding. “As many times as you want. Please.” 

“That's right, you will.” Klaue replies, his voice low and tight with need. “Now, on the bed, darling.” 

Without hesitation you quickly make your way over to sit on the bed, the scent of him swirling around you as you adjust the pillows and settle back, and when you glance back up you're greeted by the intoxicating vision of Klaue standing at the foot of the bed, fingers frozen on the bottom button of his now open shirt.

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about you here in my bed.” He says with a rough sigh, fingers freeing the last button as his gaze slides up your legs and over the soft swell of your breasts.

“Can’t be more than the number of times I’ve thought about being here.” You admit in turn, a smirk beginning but quickly falling as you watch him peel off his shirt, muscles flexing beneath the ink that paints his chest and shoulders.

“I have to say, it seems I was right, Mot.”

“About what?” You frown.

“About how lovely you’d look, right there.”

Caught off guard by the sweetness in his words a reply falters on your lips, and you squeeze your thighs together as though it might help you to hide from the way he makes you feel. But of course he notices.

“Would you spread your legs for me, please?”

Biting your lip you meet his eyes and begin to slowly straighten your legs, sliding them down towards the foot of the bed before letting your knees fall open. At first it’s just enough to give him a teasing peek but the heat of his gaze has you helpless to keep yourself from him. 

Spreading your legs wider you pull your knees back and open, and when the cool air hits you exposed skin you’re immediately aware of just how wet you are, and not just your sex - you can feel the insides of your thighs have become damp with your arousal as well and judging by the look on his face he can see it.

Slowly you shift down a bit more, giving a little upward rock of your hips for his benefit as you tuck one hand up behind your head, letting the other rest across your hip, attempting to look much calmer than you feel.

Following to where you’ve made a lovely display for him on his bed he removes the last of his layers, freeing the deliciously thick curve of his cock to hang heavy and twitching between his thighs, and standing above you he tilts his head appraisingly. A flush of heat crawls through every inch of your body as he takes a moment to drink in the sight of you, then slowly sits down on the edge of the bed..

Reaching out a hand he lets his fingertips alight on your knee before dragging them up over the skin of your inner thigh, his eyes staying fixed along the path they take, watching intently as your muscles flex and quiver beneath his touch.

“Not my fingers, then? You’re sure?” Klaue teases, smirking when your hips cant up against the air. With significant effort you manage to drag your thoughts away from how good it feels, how easy it would be to let him relieve the ache in your core.

“YesI’msure,” you blurt in a rush, quickly reaching down to stop his hand where it hovers inches from your sex.

“Both hands.” He says quietly, eyes flicking above your head in explanation. “And keep them there. Understood?”

“Yes. I understand, Ulysses.” You nod, the vice of your fingers slowly releasing him.

Once you’ve tucked your hands up and between the two pillows you’re resting against, he seems satisfied and moves the rest of the way onto the bed, positioning his body over yours.

He’s warm and heavy and you can feel the grin when his lips find the hollow of your throat, your hips beginning to roll slowly beneath him, acutely aware of his hard cock nudging against the inside of your thigh.

“I’ve thought about you here like this for so long.” Klaue murmurs, his tongue tasting your skin, trailing slow kisses up one side of your neck and then down the other, making his way down your chest before pausing at your breasts.

Then you think you hear something else, something quieter, whispered against your heartbeat.

“Want to keep you here.”

But you're distracted by his mouth again before you can really register the words, overwhelmed by how you’re already trembling and clenching just from the drag of his lips across your inflamed skin, and maybe you imagined it anyway. 

When his tongue flicks over your nipple none of your thoughts don’t stand a chance, a moan immediately sliding from deep in your chest. He spends just enough time on each to leave them peaked and aching, but when he starts to move further down you stop him.

“No, wait! More please, please..”

You look down at him, breathless and imploring, arching your chest up to encourage him, sighing with relief when his tongue returns to swirl over the pebbled flesh, and soon you’re moaning again as he alternates from one to the other, kissing and sucking until you’re writhing beneath the solid weight of him. 

Just when you think you can’t take any more he holds a nipple between his lips, just the very tip of his tongue flicking quickly until an ache starts to build deep in your belly, everything growing hot and tight and then suddenly your back is arching hard as you let out a broken cry, and while his tongue continues to work a hand cups your other breast, his thumb circling there in a matching rhythm as your cunt clenches around nothing. 

It doesn’t have the same peaking intensity but it still feels like you're coming, like if he keeps doing this you just might, and only when he pulls away does the desperate tension finally release from your muscles with a gasp.

“Another night I’m going to find out how many times I can make you do that.” He looks up at you, his expression more than a little smug. “But right now I think it’s time I made good on my promise, don’t you?”

You’re unable to respond with more than a nod, still panting and shuddering as he resumes his path downward. Your skin shines in the low light as his lips and tongue lave along your stomach and over your hips, and as he finally reaches the juncture of your thighs Klaue adjusts himself, setting there so that he’s lying with his erection pressed firmly into the mattress.

He pauses then, using his thumbs to gently spread you open for him, his mouth hovering just over your aching sex to let you feel his breath before you feel his touch.

“God, you are soaked for me, aren’t you?” 

Before you can form any kind of reply he presses his lips against you, kissing just above your swollen bud, teasingly close to where you need him so badly that all you can do is whine for it.

“What was that, my darling?” He prompts you, gently taunting.

“I need your mouth on my pussy, please I needohhgod-”

He cuts you off with a flick of his tongue, then another, at first grazing you gently but then unable to resist he licks a hungry stripe through your folds, and the sudden slick warmth combined with the vibration of his moan through your cunt has you greedily rolling your hips.

Watching him as his tongue continues to move between your legs you can sense the tension in his shoulders gradually softening, that tension he holds as part of his natural state, ever curled and ready to react drains away as he gives in to your honeyed musk, his arms sliding around your thighs to hold you snug against his mouth.

You want to reach down, to run your hands over his neck and shoulders and through his curls, but you resist, gripping the pillow tighter in an effort to keep them where they are, not daring to take the chance that he might stop.

But then he does pull off of you suddenly, silently looking up at you with heavy lidded eyes.

“What- what’s wrong?” You pant, confused and trying not to be concerned.  

“You’re not a dream, are you?” Klaue murmurs, resting his cheek against the inside of your thigh, plush beneath the scratch of his beard. He watches you for a long moment as though he were a parched man in the desert afraid that you were a mirage, and if he’s not careful he might lose sight of you. 

“I don’t think so?” Relief floods you and you laugh softly.

“No. You taste too good to be a dream.” 

Seeming reassured his mouth is on you again, lips soft and warm as they slowly, slowly close around your clit, and the gentle suction he adds now has your breath stuttering in your chest.

Your body begins to tremble, and seeming to anticipate it his arms tighten around your thighs just as you buck, keeping you in place as everything grows achingly bright and you arch against his mouth until you’re crying out, the pillowcase twisting in your fists as his hum of approval around your clit finally sends your orgasm surging through you hard and swift, pent up hours of thwarted desire finally finding its release.

And even when the pulsing waves begin to soften, he has no intention of stopping.

At times it feels like he’s trying to tease you apart at the seams, at others it seems to want to devour you all at once, and while Klaue has never been shy about exploring you he seems to relish taking his time tonight, soaking in your heat, teasing and licking every inch of you to find new patterns that make you sigh and roll your hips.

Your desperate pleas grow less and less articulate as his fingers dig into the flesh of your hips so that he can grind your cunt against his tongue, and as overwhelming as it is you find yourself sinking into it. Letting the only thing you need be his mouth against the soft place between your legs you eventually lose track of how much time passes, simply focusing on the susurrus of heat and pleasure that flows out from your center as the sheets below you become soaked with your release.

Eventually when you start to whine and try to pull away Klaue sees fit to give you respite, suckling instead at the sensitive flesh of your inner thigh until bruises begin to bloom there, and as his lips drag slowly across your skin you take the chance to watch him, your eyes catching the movement of his hips, his perfect ass flexing as he slowly ruts against the bed. 

He must be achingly hard now, and you find yourself breathless at the thought of the stain he’s leaving on the sheets beneath him. Fresh heat spreads through your core as you imagine how his cock is twitching and leaking for you, and it’s not long before he notices your needy movements starting to seek him out again, eliciting a whimper when he presses a soft kiss against your clit.

This time, though, he waits, letting his mouth simply rest gently against you, warm and soft and shockingly patient, until just as he senses you starting to fully relax he suddenly sucks your clit between his lips and you’re gasping at the heated pressure around your bundle of nerves, his fluttering tongue unrelenting until you’re his name is the only sound your mouth can form.

Even now, sweaty and blissfully exhausted as he chases the last twitches of pleasure from your sex, you’re surprised that you can still feel the heady swirl of need humming through your tender flesh. And yet, although you have no real desire to pull away, and even though he told you that he was going to decide when you were finished, the thought still tugs from the back of your mind that he’s given you enough.

“You don't...don’t have to keep going.” You manage to stammer between panted breaths.

Pulling his mouth off of you Klaue looks up, his beard and full lips glistening with your juices.

“If you think I wouldn't spend the entire night with my mouth against you warm, sweet cunt." He punctuates this with a firm lick that has a moan lilting in your throat. "Then I'm afraid I'm going to have to work a little harder to turn off that mind of yours."

It's tempting, god it's so tempting to let him continue. You can feel yourself growing dangerously addicted to his unabashed hunger between your legs, yet you can’t deny that there’s a growing need for something else.

Because he hasn’t even put his fingers inside of you, only his tongue occasionally dipping down to tease at your entrance, and you’re fucking aching for more, imagining the arch and flex of his back as he fucks into you instead of wasting it on the mattress.

So you tilt your hips up to give him a more open view of where you’re dripping for him, a soft whine in your throat.

“What's the matter, darling? Tell me.”

“You said- you said if I was good…”

“Yes?” His eyes are fixed on yours as he mouths at the sensitive crease where your thigh meets your hip.

“You said I could come on your cock. And I waited. Like you said.”

“Yes, you did.” He pauses, considering. “But you were a tease, too, weren’t you? Pretending you wanted your little toy.”

Shit. Of course he’d figured you out. Your mind spins quickly, trying to figure out a way to keep what you’d been hoping for from slipping away.

“But I wasn’t lying, I did think about that.” 

“Oh, I’m sure you did. But it was never going to be what you asked for, was it?”

You suck at your lower lip to keep from pouting and you have to swallow the lump forming in your throat. 

What the hell has this man done to you? You’d lost count of how many times he’d made you come already and yet you’re on the verge of tears at the thought of not getting to fuck him tonight. But you hardly get to see him, after all. It’s not fair.

“No,” you finally admit meekly. “Ohh ‘m sorry.”

You whimper when the tip of a thick finger begins circling your entrance, but as soon as you tilt your hips to try to encourage him deeper he pulls his hand back.

“No, please, I need you.”

“Would you like to be a little more specific for me?” Klaue asks, watching your face intently as his finger slowly returns, and you know he can feel the flutter of your muscles as he dips teasingly into you.

“I need you inside me.” Saying it out loud sets an invisible spark alight, pushing out thoughts of anything else as your words continue to tumble out in a rush.

“God, do you have any idea how perfect your cock is? How wet I get when I think about you stretching me open? And I think about it it every fucking day. I need you to fuck me, Ulysses, need you to fill me with your cock and your cum, please I need you so fucking bad, I need you, I-”

The last words are cut off when your voice hitches, fighting to hold back the tears that prick hot at the corners of your eyes. 

Desperate with need you’re only dimly aware that he’s moving, shifting himself to the head of the bed so that his back is against the pillows and then he’s tugging you up, causing you to let out a startled “Oh!” as your hands quickly move to catch yourself on his chest, quickly reminded of how strong he is as powerful arms lift you until you’re straddling his lap.

The thick length of him is hot and achingly hard, and he sucks a breath through his teeth when he slides through your folds, parting your cleft until the head, flushed and drooling, bumps against your swollen clit.

“Since you asked so nicely.” Klaue hums with a satisfied grin.

You’re nearly giddy with relief as you feel another upward flex of his hips, a heated slide of skin against slippery skin, and then you press your mouth against his, moaning when you taste yourself on his lips. He responds quickly, his tongue delving into your mouth, your kiss deep and full of desire as the rock of both of your hips grows more insistent.

Bracing more firmly on your knees you lift up, allowing him to slide further down until your kiss is broken by a moan when his cock catches at your entrance, your muscles already trying to clench around him.

Impatient now you reach a hand down between your legs to grip him, gasping at how hot he is beneath your fingers. He gives you a stuttered groan when you drag the mixture of his precum and your arousal along his length before shifting to line him up with your opening, and then finally you drop your hips firmly down. 

Your head tips back with a sigh as you revel in the delicious ache of his girth slowly nudging into you, his mouth immediately moving to nip at the column of your neck, whispering praises against your skin.

“Needed my cock, hmm?” Klaue's voice pitches low. “That's good. I want there to be nothing else you can think about. Don't want you satisfied unless you're full of me.” 

You feel a fresh surge of arousal at his words, your slick already dripping down his cock as you rock down harder, desperate to fit him inside of you.

“Yes, fuck, you feel so good. You're the only one who's ever made me want to beg, Ulysses.”

His eyes darken at your admission, groaning as your walls clench around him.

“I'm a lucky man, then, because you're so beautiful when you beg, klein Mot.”

Bliss continues to spool out through your body, and you’ve been so distracted by the sweet relief that you’re just realizing that he isn’t moving, that there’s a tension in his thighs and in the muscles of his jaw as he fights to keep himself still, focused only on watching you split yourself open on him. 

Keeping your pace slow you allow yourself to luxuriate in every sensation, in the ridges of his cock as he slides deeper into you, the heat of broad hands roaming over you skin, dimpling the flesh of your thighs and then sliding to grip your ass, spreading you obscenely as you work yourself further down his length.

You’ve never been able to watch him like this and you’re nearly delirious from the sight, from the way he reacts to every flutter of your pussy around him, his arms flexing as his grip on you tightens in an effort to hold himself back. As you continue to ride him your own hands can’t help sliding greedily over the firm muscles of his shoulders, over the hair that covers his chest and belly and then down to where, although he’s softening with age, you’re still you’re keenly aware of the strength that resides beneath your fingers. 

But as good as this feels there’s a frustration building, because although it’s gotten easier to take him he’s still so much, and you’re struggling to take him as deep as you want. 

And judging by the look in his eyes, he can sense it.

“More,” you plead, the movement of your hips growing more insistent.

“What's the matter?” He asks with a wolfish glint of gold. “You said you needed my cock, darling. So take it.” 

His bitten words are harsh, lightning crackling behind his teeth.

A surge of adrenaline courses through your veins as your hands slide around to grip the back of his neck in search of more purchase, fingernails digging crescents into his skin as you rock down harder. You can feel a low growl that you slowly realize is coming from your own chest as you desperately work to take all of him, and determined now you don't stop until your hips are snug against his, every inch of you finally stretched and spread open on his cock.

Breathing through the ache of it you take a moment to savour the prize of him fully buried in you, moaning when you give a firm roll of your hips and feel the slick friction of coarse hair at the base of him pressing and dragging against your folds, your eyes slipping closed with a blissful smile.

“Look at you.” Klaue rumbles, his fingers reaching to brush sweat-damp strands of hair away from your face. “That's my good girl.”

Tugged back by his words your eyes flutter open again as you rise up and slowly drop back down, your breathing mirroring one another as you find a rhythm. When you begin to add a rolling motion in time with each downward plunge you’re gratified when his mouth drops open, head tilting back to knock against the headboard with a groaned curse, though he still watches you through dark lashes, taking in the pleased curve of your lips and the bounce of your tits as your movements start to grow rougher.

Because you’re not sure if it's the angle from being on top and him sitting up like this but every slide of his cock into is you drawing an intoxicating flush of pleasure, tension swiftly coiling deep in your belly and licking a path up your spine as your breath comes in shorter and shorter gasps, and already being so overstimulated you’re unprepared for how quickly you can feel your climax approaching.

“Fuck, that’s it.” His voice is rough with hard fought restraint. “Use my cock like the needy little thing you are.”

Sweat beads on your skin, threads of pleasure stringing tight as the first inevitable surge begins to build, but then your thighs flex and your back arches and with the change in angle and the way your muscles are starting to tighten around him he’s suddenly slipping from where he’d been perfectly rooted deep inside you and you can feel the heated pleasure pulling away. 

You were so close that you can’t get out anything more than a mixture of frustrated pleas, but then his voice cuts through the haze, dark and driving straight to your core.

“No.” Klaue growls. “Stay down.”

Gripping your hips tight he finally takes control, a hoarse cry ripped from your throat as he roughly forces his cock back into your clenching cunt, and startled by the sound that escapes you bite your lip hard, trying to hold it back.

“None of that,” he grits. “You're going to let me hear you, yeah? Because those lovely noises you make, they’re mine. The way my name sounds when you come, that's for me.”

Both of his arms encircle your waist and then you’re surrounded by him, by his grip, his voice, his musk, all of it demanding your pleasure, and your mouth drops open as you succumb to his command with a ragged moan.

Your thighs are burning now as you ride him, but with the edges of your climax gathering again you wouldn’t stop even if you could, and this time when your muscles tense and you buck suddenly against his grip he’s ready, powerful arms holding you in place.

You cling to his shoulders, desperate to hold on to something as you feel yourself tipping, the nearly unbearable friction against your clit drawing everything to a bright point, a silvery haze creeping in at the edges of your vision as you hover over the line between blissful agony and release.

“Going to come so hard for me, aren’t you?” His rasping words are more a plea than a question, rough from the rhythm of your hips as you grind helplessly against him. “So fucking beautiful.”

Finally you gasp a lungful of air as though hitting a shock of cold water and then the breath is forced from your lungs by a sob, tears you hadn't realized were pooling in your eyes spilling over as your orgasm crashes through you, his name falling in a tattered cry from your lips.

Your inhibitions are completely lost as you fuck yourself on his cock, chasing wave after wave of pleasure that rolls through your body and you can feel the rush of your release slicking the skin between you as you fall utterly apart, the heat of it only just starting to ebb when his gruff words bring you back to him, cutting through the din of ecstasy.

“Fuck, Mot don't stop. Need to come in your pussy, I'm-” Klaue stammers, his voice cracking with need.

“Ohh please,” you can only moan through hitched sobs.

Not able to thrust into you the way he normally wants he instead grips you tight, bracing his heels against the mattress and rutting his hips up as best he can while roughly grinding you down, his eyes squeezing shut as he focuses on keeping himself buried as deep inside of you as he can.

“Look at me,” you plead, your voice thick with tears and want.

Klaue’s eyes snap to yours, bright with the flame of a sapphire sacrament  and after a few more broken thrusts he jerks beneath you, the muscles of his thighs flexing against the insides of yours, his bruising grip holding you down until relief floods his features and you feel the first hard throb of his cock, your name a honeyed plea on his lips as he comes deep inside you.

The tension in your body has finally begun to soften and as you regain some control you force yourself to hold as still as you can, wanting to feel everything, to feel every pulse as he spills himself inside you, soaking in the delicious sound of every grunted sigh as the thick warmth of his cum fills you.

He continues to twitch and throb inside you as you both catch your breath, large hands beginning to soothe over your back and sides and then back down to your hips, a satisfied hum rolling through his chest as his touch follows the lazy cant of your hips.

Sweat damp skin slides against skin and your moan matches his when he grips your ass and rocks you slowly up and then back down on his still stiff length, and though he hisses at the overstimulation he does it again, and then again, until wet sounds are filling the room as you writhe languidly against each other, the sticky slick of both of your leaking out from where you’re deliciously swollen and sore.

“God, the only thing better than the sweet taste of you, darling, is how pretty your pussy sounds when you’re full of my cum.”

“Jesus, Ulysses.” Your reply is half moan, half delirious laughter. “You’re going to kill me, I swear.” 

He sucks a breath at the flex of your muscles around him when you laugh, though he still looks rather pleased with himself. 

“Just returning the favour,” Klaue teases, though there's a sweet edge to his smug grin. 

Giving him a watery smile you tuck your head down to rest your damp cheek against the slope of his shoulder, and when you start to work your hands between his back and the pillow he adjusts so that you can slide them around his broad waist.

Gradually you both grow still, the only movement for several moments is the rise and fall of your chests as you quietly rest against one another, the claw on the cord around his neck pressing into you to leave a mirrored indentation in your skin.

Slowly you nuzzle your cheek along the scruff of his beard, seeking every bit of contact he'll give you, relaxing further when the weight of his arms settles around your waist, and as you sit wrapped in each other you allow for the thought that maybe he's just as reluctant as you to untwine just yet. 

And that maybe you did hear him say it earlier.

“Want to keep you here.”

Still, you don't want to overthink what he meant, so for now you let yourself simply enjoy this, here, tracing the salt of inked skin along his neck with your lips, though perhaps still hoping that, for tonight at least, he’ll want to keep you a little longer. 

When you do eventually separate you're both still content not to get up right away, bodies relaxed and half pressed against one another, a hand splayed across a waist, hip and thigh meeting.

You're not sure when he does get up but as you drift in and out of sleep you hear Klaue in the shower, although you have no interest in moving yourself, not caring about the mess between your thighs enough to do anything about it just yet. You might even admit that you're rather enjoying it.

Eventually he returns to where you lie in a half-twilight, your eyes blinking open when the mattress dips beneath his weight.

“You don't have to leave, darling, but I do need to go,” he says. “I won't be able to come back tonight, but you’re welcome to stay as long as you'd like.”

Pushing yourself up you begin to protest but his mouth quickly finds yours, silencing you with a swipe of his tongue. The kiss is firm and slow, a hand moving to cup your jaw, working with his lips to guide you back down to the pillow.

“It's really no problem to go back,” you start when he releases you, “I can-”

He kisses you again deeper this time, a little more demanding, coaxing your mouth open as his tongue slides against yours until you’re wondering what your reason was for arguing at all, and when he releases you this time you can only look up at him with a glassy-eyed smile.

“Rest.” He murmurs, a thumb drifting across your cheek as you nod.

Before he stands to go, though, he draws your attention to something in his hand that glints in the low light.

“I'll be keeping this here, by the way.”

Your mouth forms a silent “o” as you watch him tuck your vibrator into the drawer of his night table and slide it shut. 

“I forgot about that.” You whisper with a bashful smile.

“So did I,” he admits, his fingers tugging down the sheet that's covering you to reveal your naked form. “And when I did remember, I wasn't really in the mood to share.”

His hand coaxes a knee open, his jaw clenching when he catches the mess still shining between your legs.

“But you might not be so lucky in the future.” 

There's a glint of a warning when his eyes return to yours, but before you can say anything you’re gasping when he suddenly slides two fingers into you, thrusting deep before pulling back out and you moan when, instead of offering them to you, he takes them into his own mouth, a satisfied hum rumbling through his chest at the taste of you mixed with him.

You’re still staring at him half stunned when he stands back up, licking his lips as his eyes sweep appraisingly over your body, as though he's trying to commit the image of you like this to memory.

“And you say I'm a tease. Do you have to go??” You try not to sound too needy, though you're pretty sure the way your hips are shifting again gives you away.

“I'm afraid I do, darling. Believe me, if I didn't...” He gives a rough sigh, frustration plain on his face. “But I'm here for two more days, and I will be taking advantage of them.”

“I certainly hope so,” you reply, a lazy smile curving your lips.

He gives you one last look as he closes behind him, and almost immediately you can feel sleep starting to steal over you again. You don't plan on staying very long, though, and as you turn over and tug the sheet back up you tell yourself you’re just going to close your eyes for a few more minutes, however it's several hours later when you open them again and realize that it’s now late (or early, rather). 

Once you manage to orient yourself in the unfamiliar space you have to laugh, entirely unsurprised at this point that you’d passed out almost immediately.

After showering you actually don't rush to leave, but strange as it is to be here without him you find yourself unable to resist the chance to observe his room a little more closely.

While this obviously isn't a permanent space it still has details of him scattered around; you'd noted a razor and shaving bar next to the sink, one of his khaki shirts hanging on a hook in the bathroom.

You take a peek at a shelf by the door, full of books that for the most part you don't recognize or aren't in English, but you do spot Mary Shelley's “Frankenstein”, a small wood carved stingray next to it. 

Hanging on the wall beside the shelf there's a framed photo of the ocean that looks like it was taken by a 35mm camera. Is it from somewhere he's been? Did he take it himself?

Sitting back down on the bed you intend to check your messages but your mind still wanders. You wonder if he does have somewhere that’s…maybe not home, but a place where pieces of him might be a little more embedded, that looks and smells familiar when he returns from time away. Somewhere that he rests.

You know it's time to head back to your room so you can get ready for the morning shift but you’re hesitant to get up just yet. Glancing at the bed and the mussed sheets, your hand slides over the pillow he'd been leaning against, acutely aware of the scent of him surrounding you, and without really thinking you lean down and press your nose into the creased fabric.

Immediately you're overwhelmed by the heady scent of him that infiltrates your senses: His musk beneath the soap, sweat and a faint trace of oil, all tied up with the still present scent of your mixed arousal, and it's only when you take a shuddering breath that you realize you’d been holding back a sob.

Sitting back up your hand quickly flies to your mouth, breath caught in your chest as you blink away the tears.

Shit.

The intensity of it honestly doesn't surprise you anymore, Klaue makes you feel - seems to revel in making you feel - more than you ever thought you could, teasing away the layers, revealing pieces of you that you didn’t even realize had been hidden. 

“I don’t know what this is.”

“And I don’t know if I can tell you.”

None of this feels any clearer now yet there's a certainty settling in your chest, and it feels like that part of you that's been unsteady since you’d met Klaue in Utrecht is finally starting to right itself. And at the same time, maybe for the first time, you feel something unlocking in you, opening to the possibility of perhaps letting someone else help you find your balance.

So although you have no idea where this path leads, you're starting to accept that you aren't going to be able to stop until you find out.

AN: Once again, thank you so much for reading! �� As I said this next chapter is going to be a beast (already trying to talk myself out of splitting it up again if it comes to that, lol), but I'm looking forward to continuing to exploring things between these two idiots, and I hope you'll come along for the ride!

[xiaq]

if you don't mind me asking, how do you balance work and writing? i work two part time jobs and struggle to find the energy/time to focus on writing even when i really want to. any advice?

I honestly don't do a great job of balancing work, writing, social things, home things, fitness stuff, and then just...relaxation. I'm always on the edge of burnout. Every 2-3 months, I get to a place where I feel overwhelmed, I have a good cry, I let myself off the hook for everything except work for a day or two, and then when I've rallied a bit I start the whole process over again.

And the only reason this is somewhat sustainable is that my partner does all the cooking, laundry, and most of the daily home maintenance stuff like taking out trash, checking mail, shoveling the walk, etc. We split cleaning duties on weekends and dog-walking duties through the week.

Even with that help, I typically work from 7am-4pm, take a break to walk Deacon/listen to music/shift into writing mode, and then write from 5 till dinner, sometimes through dinner if I'm on a roll. The one day a week that I climb/work out I don't write. I also don't typically write on Saturdays since those are housework/errands/social time days. Sunday is usually devoted to writing and relaxing (hockey, reading, hiking). It's a lot, even with Sunday as a "recovery" day.

I will say that just setting aside time every day with no word-count expectation made a huge difference for me. Before, I was trying to hit a certain number of words a week and then feeling like a massive failure when I couldn't achieve that. Now, I just say I have to write for at least one hour every day (other than climbing day). It doesn't matter what I accomplish during that hour, I just have to sit with the document open. On bad brain days, sometimes that means I edit what I've already got. And sometimes, even on bad brain days, I tell myself, "hey, you don't really have to write, you just have to clean up the last chapter for the next hour, no biggie" but then I have an idea and I jot down a bit of dialogue and then, well I might as well write the connecting bits, and the next thing I know it's dinner time and I have, actually, written something new. Having that freedom from a daily word count expectation greatly increased my productivity. So shoutout to my therapist for suggesting it.

Ok this is getting long, but also please just remember that writing is work. Even if you enjoy it. Even if you want to do it. It's still requires emotional and intellectual labor. And if you're already working two other jobs, that's a whole lot of work. Of course you struggle to find the energy and time to write. Because there simply are not enough hours in the day and that's not your fault. You can't budget time you don't have. So be kind to yourself. Please.

[nowoyas]

vespertine: evening blooms 3 - patients (nishinoya yuu/cat hybrid!reader)

First - Prev - Next (coming 12/4!) - M.list - Ao3

A/N: housekeeping announcement that we'll be moving to a monthly update schedule for the foreseeable future. I want to take the time to really work on this fic and know where I'm going and how, and right now, I'm just struggling to get the chapters ready on time with everything else I'm working on. thanks for understanding!

Summary: Yuu brings you home for the first time.

Warnings: blanket series warnings, forced sterilization

Words: ~2700

three: patients

Caring for your feral hybrid: 

be patient! Your new cat hybrid is going to take quite a while to warm up. He or she may never behave the way you might expect of a stray or domestic hybrid, and will never be a perfect mirror to the furrier, smaller version of your friend. Temper your expectations, hold your tongue, and try your best to understand him or her.

provide an environment in which your hybrid can feel safe. for feline hybrids, this means a wealth of enclosed spaces with clear exits. Consider leaving all doors in your hybrid's living space open, excluding exit doors, unless they lead to places which might create danger for the hybrid. Your feline friend can open doors (never forget he or she has thumbs!), but allowing him or her the space to breathe and the knowledge that he or she can leave the immediate area allows him or her to breathe. Feline hybrids tend to enjoy dark, enclosed spaces—the smaller the better! Consider cleaning out the floor of your closet and lining it with pillows, blankets, and any entertainment you've chosen to give to your feline.

Yuu has not purchased anything for you yet. He realizes this in the morning, as he's doing a quick skin of the feral care packet. The rest of the packet continues in much the same way, and he tries his best to hold onto the information before it slips—make sure you have what you need, consider giving up a bathroom for your space, all the things you can and can't eat.

He'll feed you what he's got for now—the fact that you eat human food was only halfway a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. (He can't help but fist pump when he sees "onions" listed on the "foods to limit" table.) On his way out the door in the morning, he pins the list to the fridge with a magnet, grabs his keys (hooked to the motorcycle harness so he doesn't forget it), and sweeps out the door only five minutes late.

It's almost... exciting. The feeling of the wind on his face and the rush of his bike zipping through the streets to the hospital lingers even after he slings himself off and starts strutting into the hospital.

He gives his name at the desk, fidgets nervously in the seat for not even a full minute before he takes to pacing. Before long, there's Hirugami entering the room, sighing at the sight of him. "If you pace like that, you'll make her nervous. Not that she's present enough for that yet."

He pauses. "What do you mean?"

"We... had to sedate her this morning. She got combative when I told her you were coming to take her home. Listen, are you   absolutely sure that—"

"I'm sure. I can handle her, and I'm going to handle her."

Hirugami frowns. "Well, she's chipped now. Because she's a rescue, and as a favor to your sister, I've waived the fees for you for getting her looked at and set up this time, but only this time, got it? In the future, you'll pay like everyone else."

Yuu nods, and they go through the motions—the prescriptions and where he can fill them, the frequencies, the paperwork. When it's all over, he gets help in getting you dressed for the bike and straps you to his back all over again. The sedatives have left the remnants of a dopey smile on your lips, and you don't struggle at all when he revs up the Electra Glide. Honestly, the sedatives are probably a really big help here. There's a pause at the pharmacy Hirugami directed him to—oh, don't worry about her, she's on some sedatives so she's out of it to the pharmacist cooing at the head resting on one shoulder, the tail draped over the other—and then, back home, back to the apartment, back to parking his bike at the nearby garage and walking you on his back the rest of the way.

The phrase "combative" does worry him. But if he can open up his clients at work, make them think there's love, claw his way to the number two spot at Nakamura's despite the sense of something looming over his head the whole way, surely, surely, surely, he can get you to warm up to him. Even without the alcohol.

A hoarse nyeaugh, the silent landing of furred paws on the stoop in front of him. Mama Kitty looks him over with piercing eyes.

...he supposes he can take a moment to sit before heading upstairs.

"Hey, Mama Kitty," he sighs as he gently sets you down and unclips you. You reach out a limp hand to Mama Kitty, and she immediately curls up on your lap in response, purring up a storm.

...huh. He didn't know she could do that.

Your head rests against his shoulder, and he fights down a blush just as a familiar face rounds the corner. Mama Kitty bolts, and then there's that Tanaka guy, staring in shock at the apparently too-small cat hybrid resting on Yuu's shoulder.

"Oh, shit, you went for it?" he says.

Yuu nods. "She's sedated right now. We stopped to say hello to Mama Kitty."

"She's cute. How's she doing?"

Yuu pauses to lift you up again, marveling at just how easy it is. Among the list of things Hirugami had rattled off, malnourishment had been one of them—among the bag of pill bottles shoved in his zippered pocket, a fact sheet on how to feed you properly, more granular than the packet he'd been skimming. The doctor's orders are for you to put on weight, which is probably going to mean Yuu ends up eating way more often as a result.

"Rough," he answers. "But we'll get her better. Somehow."

"Listen, if you ever need any help, I can come over and check on her sometime, and once we know whether or not she meshes with Hitoka, she can maybe stay over some nights if you have to go out of town or something."

Tanaka punches the elevator button for him.

"Thanks."

"Yeah man, no problem."

"I'm guessing you probably won't be available to do the volleyball thing until she's settled in, right?"

He nods. "We don't know what she's like. I haven't really been able to talk to her without some amount of drugs in her system yet."

"You got this. I'm sure she'll be plenty sweet."

He thinks again of Hirugami calling you combative, and he hears the word challenge.

Sweet, indeed.

~

Something is burning.

Your entire body is sore and Something is Burning.

You blink yourself awake, look around the place you've found yourself. This isn't the fuzzy room you remember being in, with the uncomfortable bed and the white walls and the strange, fluffy-haired, human guy in the white coat. The place that made your mind leave you, the place that made your body hurt, that cut your ear off and held you down and—

Your tail lashes at the air, fluffed up as you take stock.

The room before had been white. These walls are dark, blue you think the humans call it, and the thing you are on is much softer than before. Nothing is restraining you, except the blanket tangled around your aching body.

You press a hand to your stomach and bite back a whimper at the shock of pain that follows.

Something has gone terribly wrong.

There is sound coming from the source of the burning smell—a voice, sizzling, and clattering. Whoever is there probably doesn't know you're awake.

You slide off the soft surface to the floor and begin to explore. Surely there's a way out of here.

~

When Yuu comes out of the kitchen with two plates of dinner, you are gone.

He lets out a loud swear. He should have ordered out, maybe asked Tanaka to run to Burger Burger for him, but he didn't know about the onions thing or what on the menu was safe for you and wasn't sure how much oil you could tolerate yet, and anyway it's too late now—

Alright, focus. Calm down.

He looks, first, to the front door. Still shut. He'd put his shoes in a line in front of it so he'd be able to tell if it'd been opened, and they're all still lined up just right, so you're still in the apartment, which is a comfort. You can only be so many places.

He sets down both plates on the coffee table and scans the room. He'd set up a small tent he'd had for camping in the corner, reasoning that you might like having a cave and his closet needed more work than he had time to give it in order to be remotely comfortable for you, but you don't appear to be using it just yet. That can come in time—for now, he walks down the hall, as quiet as he can, and finds his bedroom door open.

Inside, you are nose to the window, ears out to the side and fluffed tail lashing nervously at the air. According to his care guides, nervous and scared.

He makes himself small and waits in the doorway. "Uh, hi," he says in a quiet voice.

You jolt, spinning on your heel to turn to him in a defensive stance.

"Hey, hey, calm down. It's okay. Do you understand me when I talk?"

Your glare doesn't drop, but you nod.

Okay, that's something. "Good. That's good. I'm Noya. I found you hurt outside and took care of you. How are you feeling?"

You're sizing him up, head dropped and eyes fixed on him.

"Probably not great," he laughs nervously. "The vet told me what was done to you. It sounds awful. I made some food for us. It's in the living room. Are you hungry?"

You relax, just slightly, at the mention of food, but you refuse to reply.

"Come on. We can sit and eat, and I can tell you a little bit more about what happened to you. I don't want you to get caught up in wondering about it."

He turns his back on you. Walks back towards the living room. Turns back after a few steps to find you slowly stalking after him.

Feral, then.

Alright, no problem. He can work with this.

When the two of you make it to the living room, you catapult directly into the tent, outfitted with a few spare blankets for comfort. He gently places a plate in front of you, and watches in awe as you completely disregard the provided utensils and grab the chicken breast with your bare hands, biting into it ferociously. Your eyes absolutely refuse to leave him. He waits a moment, then sits on the floor in front of you with his own plate. "Hirugami—that's the vet—did some X-rays on you. He thinks you were captured as part of a TNR program, which is, um… some people capture wild cats and sterilize them so they can't make kittens, then release them back to do their own thing. He confirmed it, and you can't, like… get pregnant anymore, or anything like that. We're like halfway sure you won't have any more heat cycles, which is cool if you didn't like those, and as part of the program, they cut off the tip of your ear so they could see that you had already been sterilized. It's pretty fucked up."

Your hand darts to your abdomen, ears drooping. You won't say a word, but at least you're expressive.

"Be careful touching the spots or moving around too much. It'll hurt and might make it hurt even longer. There's some stuff on the places they cut you to protect it and help it heal, so please don't take it off, and um… what else… oh! Your ear! He said it should heal up pretty cleanly on its own."

The same hand drifts up to the tipped ear, and he watches in real time as it sets in—the spring of tears to your eyes, the wrap of your tail around your body. You reach for it with one hand, run it through your fingers soothingly.

"I have some medicine for you to take a couple of times a day. It's going to make sure that you don't get sick after the surgery and you aren't in too much pain. I'll do my best to make sure you get it at the right times, okay? You're going to be living with me from now on, so let's try to get along, alright?"

Your body jerks at the last bit, eyes wide as you search his face.

He nods. "It'll be safer for you here. I'll feed you, make sure you have clothes and are comfortable, and once you can settle in, we can work on making things even better for you, okay? The street's no place for you."

Your ears flatten. You retreat into the tent for now, leaving the plate and utensils on the floor before you.

You haven't attacked him. That's something, at least.

~

You watch Yuu in the living room like a hawk for most of the night. It's a little disconcerting, bright eyes tracking his every movement. He's trying to watch TV, an old volleyball match, but he's hyper-aware of the sensation of his skin crawling at being hunted. When his phone alarm goes off, a little before midnight, you hiss, and he scrambles to turn it off.

"Shit, sorry. That was my phone. I'll be right back, okay?"

He's not sure it's a good idea to leave you alone, but figures you probably don't know how locks work, and he's gotta feed Mama Kitty, so he takes another can of wet food down and makes sure you don't see how he makes the door open. As an afterthought, on the way down, he texts Tanaka:

Noya: hey if you're home and happen to hear my door open please grab her

Noya: I have to step out for like two seconds

Tanaka: I got you. I'll watch through the peephole

Reassured, he steps off the elevator and out into the alleyway, setting down the plate. Mama Kitty comes right up, rubs her face against him before she tears into the plate of food.

"She's doing a little better, I think," he explains as she eats. "Ate, but is super nervous about me. I don't blame her."

Mama Kitty looks up. Lets out a hoarse meow before returning to her food. He laughs softly, runs a hand along her back. She leans into the touch.

"It's gonna be tough, but I think we got it. What do you think, Mama Kitty?"

She looks up at him. She's already cleaned the plate. Truly spectacular. She bolts off, and Yuu stands, grabbing the paper plate to toss right into the dumpster, but then he hears a kitten meow and turns to see Mama Kitty approaching with one of the baby kitties. She stares up at him expectantly, and he sits back down.

A moment later, an absolute bean of a kitten lands in his lap. It squeaks in protest, and he watches Mama Kitty carefully as he brings up a hand to pet it. She doesn't hiss, doesn't attack him as the hand lands on the baby kitty.

He relaxes a little. Pets it a little longer as she brings the other three kittens to him, one at a time. Takes the chance to take a photo of the kitten pile he's acquired—Kaede will never believe this—and pet each one individually.

He likes to think the message is that he's got Mama Kitty's vote, even if he doesn't have yours quite yet. He just needs to have patience.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @staygoldsquatchling02

[badbatchposts]

🎱 🍓 🌵🔪🪲. I reblogged the ask game from you, so I wanted to be courteous and send you an ask! I'm honestly curious about these.

Thanks for the ask, friend! It's really nice to be able to reflect on some of these things!! Sorry in advance for the super long responses lol.

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats:

Works: 2

User Subscriptions: 6

Kudos: 204

Comment Threads: 84

Bookmarks: 67

Subscriptions: 51

Word Count: 67,351

Hits: 4,652

I honestly have no sense of how these stats compare for the usual fanfic writer, but it makes me happy to see how many people have subscribed to my longfic, especially since I don't always get a ton of comments on new chapters. But it seems people are reading! And definitely more people than read my dissertation, lol.

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I used to write a lot of original work in high school and early college, but then as things got busy--and as I convinced myself my writing wasn't good enough to be worth it--I largely stopped. I always felt guilty about it. I really enjoyed writing, but didn't think I was creative enough or had the right amount of stamina that it took to complete a long work, and I had this perfectionist idea where it felt like it wasn't worth doing if I couldn't be the best at it.

Then right as the new Bad Batch season came out this year I was struggling a lot with burnout and found that I was spending a lot of time thinking about the show, and decided that I might as well start reading some fanfiction--for the first time ever--and felt like writing it would be a nice creative outlet that might help me recover from my burnout. It really has been great, and some of what's made it so good is actually exactly the sort of things that used to make me think writing fanfiction wasn't worth it. Namely: it's not professionally publishable.

That is, legally, I will never be able to professionally publish and profit from any of what I write--it can only be posted and enjoyed. This actually just took so much of the pressure off. It doesn't have to be perfect--it doesn't even have to be very good, because that's not what it's for.

I started thinking of it more as an exercise for working on my writing skills (things like, okay, in this chapter I'm going to practice writing dialogue, or in this next one I'm going to work more on establishing an interesting setting). As a result, I'm now thinking more about the writing process and improving my storytelling, rather than worrying about trying to make it perfect or good enough to publish or feeling competitive or down on myself when I encounter writing that I feel is much better than my own. It's been really freeing.

All of this happened over ten years since I stopped writing in college, and the other great thing has been seeing that my writing skills didn't disappear. In fact, they've gotten better and grown as a result of the learning I did in the meantime. I'm now much better at envisioning narrative arcs, outlining, getting myself to write consistently instead of just waiting for inspiration to strike me, and a whole load of other skills. It's really helped soothe a part of me that worried that I had abandoned writing, that it was too late for me to "do" anything with it, or that I only would have gotten worse.

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

Parasailing in Rio de Janeiro with a Caipirinha in Your Hand

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I've been spending a lot of time researching historical kitchens on sailing ships and historical brothels for the Pirate AU that I'm working on. Once for an academic paper I was working on a novel that depicts a (non-sexual) human-animal relationship but through very intimate and erotic terms, and I accidentally googled a combination of terms that came back with information on bestiality while on my university's wi-fi.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

The most recent thing I wrote for my Pirate AU (I'm skipping ahead SEVERAL chapters to inspire myself with the steamy bits haha)

“I hardly think I can get into much trouble here. Your crew have been perfect gentlemen.”

Hunter’s eyes glinted in the half-light of the lamps. Though he didn’t move, all of a sudden she was all-too-aware of how close he was, how easy it would be for him to reach out and touch her. “And what about me?” he murmured. “Haven’t you heard from the ladies in port? I’m a scoundrel. A very dangerous man. Maybe you ought to be afraid of me.”

Thanks again, this was a lot of fun!!

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 120 - Double Daddy Issues

Ophelia brought her girls over to Moses and Ian's house to meet their adopted daughter, Shea.

Gemma loves having a new friend to babble at, and Lulu looks pretty smug that she can sit up, unlike this other baby.

Drew came by as well to meet the new baby, but now it's time for the band to catch up.

Ophelia: How've you been enjoying family leave, Moses?

Moses: It's been great. I never knew how much I'd love being a dad.

Drew's childless self is gonna listen to some tunes.

Ophelia: She's such a cutie. I'm sure you and Ian will be great dads to her.

Moses: Thank you, love. He was so sad to go back to work today.

Ophelia: Ha, yeah, it always sucks when family leave ends but you have to go back to work eventually.

Moses: Yeah, there's something I've been, uh, wanting to talk to you about. Ian brings in enough income and I've got plenty of money saved up. I've loved staying home with Shea… and I was thinking of doing it permanently.

He was hoping Ophelia would get it, but…

Ophelia: Uh, yeah, but you've got the band. We need a pianist.

Uh oh. This isn't how he thought she'd react.

Moses: We've had an amazing run, and the years we've performed together were unforgettable, but I'm starting a new chapter in my life, and I'd like to do something new.

Ophelia: So that's it? You're quitting? After everything we've been through, you're… done with us?

Ophelia is usually so understanding. Moses honestly didn't expect her to react this way.

Moses: Please don't take it personally, Ophelia. It's nothing like that.

Ophelia: Drew, are you hearing this?

Drew: I am… And honestly, maybe it is time for us to try new things. I've been wanting to travel and it's hard to do that around the band's schedule. When Moses brought this up on the phone-

Ophelia: You guys already talked about this?

Drew: Oh, well, I mean, we were just talking about stuff and the topic came up but he hadn't-

Ophelia: So you guys are making decisions without me now? You just want to call it quits after all this time and completely blindside me about it?!

Drew: Dude, no! It's not like that!

Moses: We weren't trying to leave you out. We were just talking and we both kind of feel like we all have other paths we can take. You're getting more famous every day. I bet you'd like to do solo work. And, well, if I'm going to do this parent thing, I'm gonna give it my all.

Moses realizes too late that might not have been the best choice of words.

Ophelia: Oh, you're going to give parenting your ALL? So I've just been half-assing it with my kids, huh?

Moses: Th-That's not what I-

Ophelia: Oh I think that's exactly what you meant.

She's so angry, Ophelia can't even keep sitting next to Moses.

Ophelia: I have put everything I have into this band, and you just want to throw it all away, and then you insult my parenting on top of all that?

Moses: No, I would never-

Ophelia: Well you just did!

Drew: O, you need to calm down. We're just trying to tell you how we feel-

Ophelia: You've had a kid for five minutes and now you think you're a better parent than me? You've got a lot of nerve, Moses Harmon! What, when you get tired of parenting are you going to quit that too?

Drew: OPHELIA! That is ENOUGH. Sit down and be quiet before you say something you're going to regret.

Being called out by another loyal Sim is humiliating, but they're the ones who aren't being loyal… right?

Ophelia: So… It's me, isn't it? I'm the reason you want to quit?

Moses: No, of course not! I'm sorry, we should have given you more warning. We thought this would be a relief to you. You're getting so famous-

Ophelia: You hoped I'd think the band was a burden too? To your dismay, I love the band. I love you guys. I thought you felt the same.

Drew: Ophelia, of course we love you. This isn't about that!

Moses: Sit down, please, let's talk about this.

She continues walking to the nursery to get her kids so she can get the hell out of there.

Ophelia: I think we've said enough.

Moses is frozen on the couch but Drew tries to stop Ophelia from leaving.

Drew: What's gotten into you? Moses misspoke, I'll give you that, but you don't usually fly off the handle like this. Please, this isn't how I wanted things to end-

Ophelia: But you DID want them to end.

Drew: Not our friendship!

Ophelia: You guys are talking about quitting the band behind my back and I'm not supposed to take it personally?

Drew: It wasn't like that!

Ophelia is silent for a moment but before she leaves, offers a parting note.

Ophelia: It's bad enough my biological family tossed me to the curb. I just never thought you guys, my REAL family, would too.

Ophelia's still working through what happened at home.

Ophelia: And the daddies are MEAN and leave their kid ALL ALONE because she never really MEANT ANYTHING TO THEM.

Uh, maybe Ophelia should go to regular therapy to work on her abandonment issues. Lulu's having fun, at least.

Ophelia racks her mind trying to think of what she did to her bandmates to make them not want to work with her anymore. She's pretty agreeable, they work really well together. She's able to make things work despite her busy schedule… so why weren't they willing to do the same?

Ophelia has only ever known Moses and Drew as members of the bands she's been in, whether that was Let Them Eat Cake or The Main Squeeze. Maybe that's why she reacted the way she did. No band, no Moses and Drew, right? They were done with her.

That's how it feels, at least.

[faytelumos]

Found this from @lexiklecksi and decided I wanted to do it.

Then I waited for forever to fill it out and forgot what the little title for this game was, haha!

---

1) What motivates you to write?

For one thing, I feel like it's my best skill. Back when I got started, well over a decade ago, it was experiencing all of these stories I loved that inspired the desire to become a part of the magic.

Deep down, I have stories to share. It's always nice when a lot of people see my stories and like them, but my biggest goal is to get those stories to the people who need them. It feels deep-seeded, and I know if everything stopped tomorrow, one of my biggest regrets would be that I wasn't able to get my Story out to people it might have helped.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud of; if not, share a line of someone else's work that you love (just be sure to credit).

It's been a month and I cannot for the life of me think of a story line I'm especially happy with, so have my favorite ever poem, which is by Robert Frost, recited from memory:

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,

But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Maybe Ræs. He's a mess of a person, honestly, but in a realistic way. He doesn't really have tact when it comes to sensitive matters, he comes off as abrasive, he's angry, he doesn't really know what he's doing, and he's got some ingrained biases he doesn't want to face. But he's trying his hardest, and I think, despite all of the rough starts and choppy interactions, he comes to realize that the people he meets in this story really truly care about him in a way he hasn't seen since he was a little kid.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

The feverish inspiration of a new character or plot development. I love it to death when I can't stop thinking about something, when I'm fifteen chapters away from this scene but I've written it in my head ten times already, when every song I hear is about them or this. It's fleeting, and even if it weren't, I couldn't survive an extended period of this, but it's the chemical I crave when making my way through a project.

5) What part of writing do you think you're best at? (Stroke your own ego, it's okay.)

Internal monologues. I'm really good at thought processes and being in a character's head. Moving from thought to thought, reaching conclusions and using them to fuel the next process, I feel like I really have that idea down.

6) What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

The comradery. We're all a bunch of writers and we love reading. Since a lot of my work is currently in the hero/villain community, there's a lot of passing around of the same tropes we all love, and I definitely enjoy that, too.

7) A writing tool/device that help you with writing (i.e. text to speech, a program, etc.).

I don't use much except a word processor. I use one on my phone and a different one on my computer, but both of them have the ability to make folders and reorganize documents, which I use liberally.

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story (it could be the magic system, a particular place, a law, etc.).

In my first book, there is a sense of that same-old fantasy setting, where everyone's wearing frocks and going to the river to do laundry. But then, here and there, I'm able to sneak in hints of technology. There are steam engine trains. There are chemical heaters so people can have hot baths indoors. There are disinfectants and surgery procedures. There are certain things that remain in the past as we see it (no printing presses, no personal transportation), but the world is different enough to be somewhat unique.

9) What piece of advice would you give to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Write for yourself. If you're feeling burnt out, stop the projects that are draining you and just write for only yourself. Write some really self-indulgent fanfic or poetry that you know will never see the light of day. Write an unhinged essay on why A and B would never do that (or why, no matter what, they always would have) and tuck it straight into your pocket. Remeber why you started writing, or if you're new, really truly be kind to yourself and realize that you are learning a new skill and it can be bumpy.

Writing is such a personal and intimate expression, and if you're having trouble baring yourself to even a hypothetical world, then curl up and let your heart bleed in private for awhile.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters.

@the-modern-typewriter is actually a big part of the reason I even started a writeblr. Other folks I love to see are @surplus-of-sarcasm, @those-damn-snippets, @the-phasea-kalogria, @thepenultimateword, @sternenmeerkind, and @unorganisedalienrubbish, @robin-parravel, @bryansartbooth, @thelazywitchphotographer, @why-am-i-on-this-website-anyway, @pebbles-pile, @severalonions, @thepromiscuousfinger, @alltimelowing, @canonicallyshort, and @perfecthologrambluebird.

(Obviously these tags are no pressure because some of them don't follow me and several of them don't post writing.)

[allylikethecat]

Omg ok this is probably going to be a rlly long ask my bad but I just read the end of the Christmas fic and then the new chapter of All the Kings Horses so there is a LOT to unpack..

Okkk The Christmas Fic first…

It was the absolute PERFECT ending honestly it wrapped it all up so well it was soo nice to finally see them just be able to spend time with each other and be comfortable for once without fictional George’s family somewhere in the house. The proposal was SO good oml it was so sweet and how he’d had the ring for like ten years ?!!!!!!! Also so nice to see it end when they’re both finally going to get the rest and happiness over Christmas that we’ve been waiting for the whole fic! Honestly the perfect end to such a good story.

And nowwww - all the kings horses bc I always have too much to say on it

-I was NOT ready for them to move onto the properly friends stage so quickly omg???? A jump scare (but an AMAZING one) !!! Their dynamic is soo percect and I’m so glad fictional Matty finally has a friend!!

-The show omlll I was so happy that fictional Matty got to actually compete w his horse like he’d been wanting too and the way you described it was soo perfect. It’s soo good reading it more from fictional George’s perspective as we don’t rlly know exactly how fictional Matty is actually feeling about the whole thing since he’s obviously got his past on his mind but is also happy about sally.. (but it looks like fictional George can read him pretty well already)

-And George asking him to COME OVER??!??!???!!!!!!! Omg I was not prepared for any of this so soon. And you wrote it soo well it was so sweet. And it’s amazing to finally see fictional George being the properly awkward one and fictional Matty having a bit more control!!!!

I know you mentioned this chapter didny quite read like you want it to but personally I thought it was PERFECT (as usual) and I can’t waittt to see what happens in the next chapter omg :)

Ok that’s all!! Hope you have a great day

AHHH I want to start by saying thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to send me such a long and lovely thought out ask! I apologize that it has taken me a few days to respond!

The Christmas Fic!! Ah! I'm so happy that you enjoyed the ending! I was also very happy with it - I know it wasn't really the *big dramatic ending* but it made me happy writing it and felt like it fit the characters I had created. Like of course Fictional!George would propose to Fictional!Matty while they were sitting in bed on Christmas Eve and then Fictional!Matty would blurt out that he has a stomach ulcer - like it was very on brand for them I think lol and YES Fictional!George has had the ring for ten years - it's actually something I came up with while working on the A&E Fic (and how Fictional!George very much notices which hand Fictional!Matty is wearing rings on when he breaks his wrist)

Now, on to All the King's Horses!

Yes! We wasted enough time we are moving onto FRIENDSHIP (also this chapter is implied to take place a few weeks after they all went to dinner, friendshipping has happened just off screen lol) now if Fictional!George can just get it together enough to admit his actual feelings...

Fictional!Matty is having some complex feelings thanks to some complex trauma and Fictional!George doesn't even know the half of it! We might learn some more about this whole situation though in the next chapter... might also find out what The Accident really was 👀

Fictional!George is ready to actually be friends! And that is NOT going to happen if they try and do it at their place of work lol Who knows maybe they'll even get to have a little snuggle lol

Also thank you so so much! I think I've written maybe four different versions of this chapter and none of them really ended up *exactly* how I wanted. BUT it did move the plot along which I am thankful for, and also so appreciative to hear that despite my own self doubts you enjoyed it!

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy our next visit into the Infection Verse and the next All the King's Horses chapter! I'm so grateful for this lovely message and the support! Thank you for the well wishes and I hope you have the BEST week as well!

❤️Ally

[galacticexevt]

OC Prompt/Ask

Hi guys! I have another short writing piece to share with you all! I am so proud how this one turned out. I enjoyed writing this so much that I decided to make another version in a different POV. I should be able to share that one within the next week or so as I still need to make a few edits and corrections.

Just as a small heads up, this mini story alludes to chapter three of Galactic's lore- which is still a work in progress. There might be a few spoilers or a couple of things that might be a little confusing without context. Hopefully, this should still be an easy read and make sense within the prompt itself. Prompt: Who was/is your OC's first enemy? What was/is that relationship like? Do they still consider that person an enemy? Or have they moved past that? (Galactic regarding Bishop)

Uhm, I think I might have to give that award to Bishop. She and I don't go around holdin' hands, frolicking through flowers and making friendship bracelets. Nah, nah, nah; it's that on-sight, anywhere and everywhere kinda of relationship. 

So, lemme back it up a bit; this all started with me fallin' for one of Maelstrom's traps set up by Bishop. Honestly, I should've seen it comin'; it was a pretty...blatant setup thinkin' back on it; be we don't talk about my terrible perception, Kohren still gives me shit for it. 

It was just supposed to be a simple shipment heist, nothin' I ain't familiar with. Just grab the goods and bounce back to Kohren's shop. Easy peasy, right? Wrong. When I arrived at the shipment site, the next thing I knew, I was surrounded by at least twelve armed mercs, and a buncha red dots were aimed at my body. 

No biggie, I've dealt with Maelstrom's mercenaries before when I pulled off smaller heists, and they usually aren't hell-bent on catching just one person; more like they don't get paid enough to do so. Anyways, they typically aren't hard to take down; most of them don't know how to operate their own weapons- poor fuckers. So, you'd think this fight would go off without a hitch, right? Wrong again!

I don't know if they sent out some new special forces or some shit, but these guys were armed to the teeth. They had weaponry that I had never seen before- and should know what kinda weapons they have! I steal them all the time! And don't get me started on their armor. My funky-fun-gun was no match for it. Not even halfway into the ambush, the power cells in my gun ran out, and Kohren hates it when I use my more...volatile methods of fighting, but in my defense, I was being ganged up on by Maelstrom merc's! I had no other choice! 

And besides, it was a solo mission; what a perfect excuse to let off some steam without the old man baggerin' me. So ya boy let loose, and oh fuck was it a rush, alright. I finally got to break out the new explosives I have been fucking with, and while they are definitely still in the testing phase, I also didn't bother labeling which is which, so each time one went off, it was like a bit of surprise gift for me and those poor Maelstrom mercs. 

I was damn near able to grab the shipment and make my way out until I felt a sharp pain in the back of my neck. A dart. A mother-fucking dart. It felt like I got a direct injection of the most potent drugs in the slums; I swear to fucking god, everything was moving in slow motion. I tried to kick on my hover shoes, but it felt like there were weights tied to me, and I couldn't get them to kick start. In a damn near shroom-induced state, I threw one last grenade I had in my jacket pocket...and...the last thing I remember hearing was a blood-curdling scream. And the last thing I felt was another dart in my side. 

I had no fucking clue how long I had been out, but when I woke up, it felt like I got resurrected from the dead; I had cold sweats in places I never knew could sweat. And I was greeted with the most angry-lookin' women I've ever seen in my whole 200 years of existence. She was coated with blood and nasty gashes; judging by the singed Maelstrom uniform, she must've been one of the lucky motherfuckers who survived the fight...and definitely wasn't happy to see my face, but she was more than happy to take her aggression out on it. 

She...she straight up tortured me- for what felt like fuckin' hours. That woman packs a severe punch- I swear I didn't have a snoring problem until her fist had VIP access to my nose. She damn near beat me 'till I turned purple; shit was brutal. But it didn't stop there; she had some of her science nerds whip up some kinda injection, and whatever it was...fucked my body up. It felt like I was burning from the inside out, I was coughing up blood, and my mouth was fucking foaming...just...awful...fucking awful...

Kohren managed to track down my current location, usin' one of his funky lil' drones, knocked out the building's primary power source, and blew up an exit for me. Despite being beaten to a pulp, I managed to get my lick back on her. I wasn't about to leave the scene, not having the last laugh. 

Despite being drugged to hell and back, I managed to knock her out to make my escape. She was already pretty banged up from the earlier fight, and her murderous adrenaline rush ran out. 

I reckon the takeaway from all of this is that we both struck a deep nerve within each other. I took the lives of some of Bishop's colleagues...she is within her right to want me dead. And the fucking torture she put me through...I wish the same upon her, too, I suppose...  

[kitewithfish]

Reading Meme for Feb 1 2023

What I've Read Gideon the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir - Oh, man, the last third of this book is just payoff after payoff - stuff that I was certain was going to be left to be resolved in the next book was just laid out in front of your eyes and it worked so damned well. This was my second attempt to read this book - the first time, just after it came out, I made charts and tried to keep track of all the characters and figure out the mystery of the whole thing, well, I had some trouble. The second time around had a much better result when I just let the whole thing wash over me.  I really enjoyed this book and I'm starting on the next one immediately.   Penric's Fox - Lois McMaster Bujold - I am still really enjoying this series, which are short mysteries set in the Chalion universe with a metaphysical  'odd couple'- a young human man with no background in magic is host of a centuries-old demon who has the memories and personalities of nine previous women hosts as part of her constituent parts. They fight crime! It's also got touches of the kind of settled affection that I tend to associate with long-married couples who still adore each other. Penric gets roped into solving murders that are short and clear, with a cast of interesting recurring characters and a boss who is a badass woman in her 70s. The mysteries are a bit straightforward but explore some of the interesting edge cases of how magic in their world works. Fun palette cleansing reads. (I which Bujold had a little more eye for queer relationships in her books but what she does provide is emotionally solid, so, meh.) I'm Not As Think As You Drunk I Am - Mardiaz173 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/33021898 - Clark Kent/ Bruce Wayne - DC comics universe - This was just a nice short little fic where Superman wants desperately to date Batman, but Bruce Wayne keeps showing Clark a side of himself that few people get to see. Which will our hero choose? (I read this on the recommendation of the podcast Clio/Mireille for their Sept 2022 episode on Superman/Batman Identity Porn fic.) It is a fun fic and a charming podcast. Living With a Tiger by x_los - https://archiveofourown.org/works/33488392 - 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù - Original Luò Bīnghé/Shěn Yuán, post Post-Bingge vs. Bingmei Extra - I am delving at last into the fic for the Scum Villain fandom, and I love the set-up on this. X_los wrote an AU that really delves into a grey version of the characters from the canon, and I really enjoyed it. (If you don't care to read the canon, this is still mostly intelligible on its own.) The tags are accurate. What I'm Reading Harrow the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir has got her hooks in my soul. Like with Gideon the Ninth, I was spoiled by tumblr osmosis for some elements of this book, but I honestly don't think it matters! Starts basically directly after Gideon the Ninth and I am glad I followed my friend's recommendation to start this book immediately upon finishing Gideon, as my poor memory would not have helped with understanding this book. I find these books do very little explicit handholding of like, "Character realized that this new development related back to This Setup from Chapter 2" and yet Muir does indeed set up enough reminders to guide you back to the points you need to recall for the payoff to be satisfying. What I'll Read Next Phoenix Extravagant - Yun Ha Lee - Book Club The Uncle's Story - Witi Ihimaera - The library wants this back and I don't want to give it back! I might end up having to buy more of the Ihimaera books I want to read - local libraries are NOT great about having these around, and I am slow. The Good Lord Bird Library books Frankenstein in Baghdad by Ahmed Saadawi A Half-Built Garden by Ruthanna Emrys Unnamed Midwife (whole series)

Owned and need to read: Frey Marske's A Restless Truth, and Susanna Clarke's Pirenesi California Bones, Raven Song by IA Ashcroft, Kraken's Sacrifice by Katee Robert, Even Though I Know the End by CL Polk, True Colors by Karen Traviss, At The Feet of the Sun by Victoria Goddard, Tamryn Eradani's Enchanting Encounters Books 2 and 3, Like Real People Do by EL Massey, Tom Stoppard, invention of love. Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty, "You Just Need to Lose Weight" and Other Myths about Fatness by Aubrey Gordon, Alisha Rai Partners in Crime, the Right Swipe, Aphorisms of Kerishdar

[brummiereader]

Shark, my amazing loveliest little Shark ❤️. Thank you so much for this incredible reblog hun, you have brightened my day with this fabulous analysis 🤗. I honestly feel the same, that weekend did fuck all for me as well 😂.

I'm so happy for the slower pace in this one and I'm happy you appreciated that as well. I tire myself out with the non stop antics. I dont know why I do it, I guess I'm always worried it will be a boring chapter if I don't add lots of things going on 😩. Little Archie has my heart, he's just doing his best to help his families unfortunate circumstances. I'm so happy you enjoyed his little story. I based it very loosely off my grandad who at the same age as Archie was a butcher's boy. Aw thank you hun, season one is my favourite season and my favourite version of every character ❤️.

Shark ❤️😭❤️!! You've floored me with your lovely compliments! I've already said it to a few other readers that have mentioned the dialogue sounding like it does in the series, and I think it's because *puts hand in air to confess, I have an unfair advantage. I'm from the West Midlands, not far from Birmingham 🙈. Half the time I write dialogue I feel like I'm just having a conversation with my own family. But what really astounds me is you guys!! I'm cheating, you come up with incredible dialogue that sounds just as authentic as mine and you're not even from the UK let alone the West Midlands. I'm serious, it blows my mind every single time I see the talent you and everyone else on here has 🤯!

The constant family members teasing eachother is a very British thing, it means we love you 😂. We can't express our love like normal people do because we're stereotypically British, so instead we take the piss out of you 🤭. This is why I love writing these interactions so much because it's stuff I'd say to my own family! It brings me so much joy you love them too. Tommy totally deserved that embarrassment, Y/N's plan worked 👌. Ooh, I'm not 100% sure but I think it's a British idiom 👍.

I knew, and guess what? I wrote it for you knowing how much you love this hidden artistic side of Arthur. I just feel like this is something Arthur would do, he's a sensitive soul at heart ❤️. I'm starting to think in another AU Arthur would be a mad crazed artist with fast paced classical music playing loudly, a paint brush between his teeth another in his hand as he furiously creates something, sloshing red paint everywhere only to throw it in a fit or rage when it doesn't turn out the way he had imagined. All of this happening in the top room of a large house, the window open so everyone in the street can hear him yelling and cursing. Kids watching him from the street below thinking's he's murdering people, and with the splats of red paint on the window they convince themselves it's blood but he's just a tortured artist 🤣...I need to make this into to one shot now, maybe with a twist 😂😈.

Her wild teen side has come back and unfortunately for Tommy he's the one that will feel the full force of it 😬. It was definitely a cute moment when he called her his girlfriend, he never let go of that belief 😩. You're right he never apologised in the series and technically he didn't say sorry in this chapter but he did leave a note saying it 😂. But he did admit to everything that he had put her through even though the poor thing was struggling to get the words out at first.

The next chapter might actually be the last 😱. It will be pretty angsty of course, with a very special scene dear to my heart between Arthur, Y/N and a little four legged friend. But I dont think I have enough storyline to get it to 10 chapters 😩, plus a new dark!tommy is begging to come out and play. Sorry for the rambling I got sidetracked with tortured artist!Arthur for a moment 😂. Thank you for this amazing reblog hun, you're too good to me! Love you 😘!!

PREVIOUS PART

Hopelessly Devoted (PART SIX)

Summary: Tommy has to reluctantly learn a lesson in boundaries after his heated confrontation with you about his foolish plan to get you to talk with him. Will Tommy finally throw in the towel and back down from his relentless refusal to let things play out at their own pace? Or will his stubbornness get the better of him once again?

Warnings: Language, angst, mutual pining, fluff

"Archie?" Polly said quirking a brow as she looked over the documents in her hand at the young boy stood at the betting shop door. " Finn's at school" she added as she turned in her chair, a tight smile gracing the corner of her lips as she beckoned him forward with her hand. " Does your mum know you're here bunking off?" She said removing his peaked cap as Archie looked down at the plate of shortbread next to the steaming cup of tea on Polly's desk. "Go on" she said nodding to them with a smile as his eyes lit up and he reached out for the biggest one on the small porcelain plate.

" Mum said I didn't have to go school today" he replied, mouth half full, his rosy red cheeks nipped by the bitter winter air ballooned with the entirety of the biscuit he had managed to fit in his mouth. "Doing deliveries for Mr Patterson at the flower shop, need the extra money now dad's been sacked by the rail works" he replied wiping his mouth as he looked down at his muddy boots, one missing a shoe lace, the other with a patched up hole on the side. Archie was one of many Small Heath children that had found themselves having to help provide for their families, forgoing education over the necessity to eat. The great war having taken the lives and jobs of many men of Birmingham had also taken the joys of childhood from their children too. Times were hard and sacrifices had to be made. Polly was not one to judge any parents decision to pull their son or daughter out of school, she only wished Archie and those like him had the chance to be children for a little while longer. For what was a summers days without the sound of kids playing outside in the street?

" Go on, have another" she winked as Archie replied with a grin that only deepened his enviable dimples whilst he picked out a second shortbread." Well I know I don't have any secret admirers Archie..." Polly said rubbing one of the rose petals between her fingers within the bouquet of flowers under the small boys arm."...so who's the lucky lady?"

" Mr Shelby" he replied brushing the crumbs of the newly stitched winter coat his mum had lovingly made for him.

" Tommy?" Polly said furrowing her brow as she looked over his shoulder to her nephew sitting at his desk in his office when Arthur and John walked in, slamming the betting shop door behind them. Five minutes peace, that's all she ever prayed for every Sunday at mass. Was it really too much to ask?

" Archie boy!" Arthur's voice boomed as he strode over, rustling the ten year old hair with his large calloused hands. " What you doing here ay? Skiving?" Arthur chuckled as he sat down on the edge of the desk pinching a biscuit from his Aunt, earning him a sharp glare and a irritated huff.

"Working" he replied standing up straight with his chin up. He was one of them now, a grown man or at least he thought he was, his muddy knees and youthful face begged to differ.

" Working ay, good lad" Arthur winked patting his shoulder as he reached for his Aunt's cup of hot tea, earning him a second glare and this time a smack on the back of his hand. No one was too old for a good hiding in Polly's eyes, something her grown nephews had learnt over the years as they continued to test her patience.

" Schools a bloody waste of time anyway Archie" John said turning his toothpick between his lips.

" Yes, a lot of good it did you and your crooked handwriting" Polly quipped back, a small smirk etched on the corner of her mouth as she returned her gaze to the documents on her desk.

" It's called doctors hand writing, alright?" John replied with a scowl on his face.

" Esme tell you that?" Arthur chuckled watching his brothers frustration at being the brunt of his families teasing.

" No it's, it's how doctors write. You know intellects" he replied pointing to the side of his head.

" Aright John boy whatever let's you sleeps at night" Arthur sniggered as he looked down at the bunch of roses in Archie's hand. " Who are these for then?"

" His Royal Highness" Polly said nodding to Tommy's office door as she picked up her now lukewarm cup of tea.

" Tommy ay? Come on then lad, let's not keep Mr Patterson waiting on any more deliveries" Arthur said as Archie nodded his head following him and John into Tommy's office.

"Arthur, John...Archie?" Tommy said, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth as he looked up from his desk, surprised to see his Finn's friend standing in the middle of the room with the bouquet he had picked out for you in his hand. And was that the card he had written for you, torn up? " She erh, she wasn't home? Tommy said clearing his throat as he stubbed his cigarette out, his eyes glaring at the handwritten note between the flowers. It was definitely ripped. Shit.

" She told me to..." Archie said as he looked to John and Arthur stood next to him trying to hold back their amusement. Their poor attempts not enough to stop the small snorts and sniggers they hadn't bothered to muffle from escaping.

"Yes?" Tommy said, his jaw tightening at the sight of his brothers clear enjoyment at the whole situation.

" ...to send them back" Archie said as Arthur John burst into a fit of laughs.

" Bloody hell Tommy, what woman sends flowers back? How many did you give her? John laughed as Arthur let out a loud snort.

" Seven" Archie quickly stated on behalf of him, not realising the further embarrassment it would cause the notorious gangster who had now sunk into his chair, his thumb brushing along his brow as the laughs of his brothers resonated through the betting shop.

" Alright, thanks Archie" Tommy said rubbing his hand down his face as the young boy left, leaving the bouquet of red roses with Arthur with a tip of his peaked cap.

" Seven bouquets ay" Arthur said inspecting them as Tommy looked out the window, his grandiose gesture now looking like a pathetic plea for forgiveness.

" She won't fucking talk to me will she" Tommy said lighting another cigarette as John and Arthur hunched over the table puzzling the pieces of card together you had ripped in a clear message directed at Tommy to fuck off.

" Roses are red, violets are blue..." John laughed before Tommy reached over and grabbed the note before his brother could read any more of his feeble attempt to be romantic.

" Sir Edmund Spense" Arthur said nodding to the card as he leaned against the wall, his thumbs resting in the pockets of his waistcoat.

" You what?" John said his face scrunched up as he turned to look at his eldest brother.

" It's a poem, by Sir Edmund Spense" Arthur sniffed as Tommy and John looked at each other, bewildered by the mere idea Arthur did anything other than beat their enemies within an inch of their let alone read or to be more specific read poems. Even Tommy hadn't scaled through a copious amount of books in order to find the romantic passage, the back of yesterday mornings paper had been enough. " I read" Arthur said as his brothers continued to stare at him, perplexed by what they had just heard." In me spare time"

" You're going soft" John said pointing to his brother as Tommy raised his brows shifting in his seat. " Never put Y/N down for a fan of poems"

" She's not, I was running out of things to say weren't I. Tommy replied looking over to the glass decanter of whisky calling to him. Was it too early to drown his sorrows for the billionth time that week?

" Yeh, wouldn't let her hear you say that" John chuckled placing a new tooth pick between his teeth, the other having been chewed to death by the ribbing he received from Polly and Arthur. "Why don't you just say I dunno, sorry. Like normal people do"

" She's avoiding me John, she won't give me a chance" Tommy replied as he looked out the window wishing himself into next week or better yet, next year. Maybe then you'd be more willing to talk to him.

" Well you're in luck Tom, 'cause here she is. With a face on her like thunder" Arthur smirked, nodding to the glass separating his office and the betting shop floor.

" Where is he, where is the rat bastard?!" You shouted storming through the building not stopping for anyone.

" Oh hell, what's he done now?" Polly said looking above her tea cup as you marched over to her, waving your arms erratically in the air, incoherent rambles leaving your mouth about her seconded born nephew as the three brothers watched on from behind the glass.

" I'd say you've got about five seconds" Arthur said as he looked out the window onto the back of the house.

" Jump and roll, don't land on your feet" John added to Arthur's observation as he peered over his brothers shoulder out the window.

" Else you'll do your knees in, but I reckon that's the least of your worries" Arthur said as he looked over to Tommy brushing his hands through his hair, bracing himself for the bollocking coming his way. "Shit, she's clocked you" Arthur announced turning around as your head snapped in the direction of the three of them. This was more than about the flowers, Tommy knew that. He had pried into your life for a second time. The only thing he could hope for was you didn't know about the first. And with the absence of a lethal weapon in your hand his hopes were optimistically high.

" Thomas fucking Shelby!" You shouted marching through his office, grabbing the flowers from his desk and launching them straight at his head, silently hoping Mr Patterson had left the thorns on. "You bastard! You bloody bastard"

" Look, I know you're angry but let me explain" Tommy said with his hand out as he watched yours clasp around the bronze sculpture of a horse sitting on his desk that was sure to knock him out if you threw it. After having a variety of household items thrown at him in in the past week he knew you wasn't bluffing, your face said it all you were pissed off, really pissed off.

" No I'm not angry Tommy I'm fucking furious!" you said, your face scrunched up in anger as you stared him down, waiting for him to admit what he had done.

" Arthur, John can you...can you give us a minute?" Tommy said as he walked forward only to stop when he saw your grasp on the bronze ornament tighten. " Lads, please" Tommy said gesturing to the door as he watched you in the corner of his eye. Sighing heavily Tommy turned to his desk as his brothers walked out leaving you alone together, leaving him to face yet another stupid idea he was responsible for. "Cigarette?" he offered holding his silver case out for you to take which you did, and then threw on the floor beside you. " Right" Tommy said as he sat down in his chair pinching his bottom lip together as he looked back at you, furious as the the night he had drunkenly embarrassed himself in front of the whole of Watery Lane. "You won't talk to me Y/N" he said lighting his third cigarette in the space of fifteen minutes.

" So you decided to force me to talk to you by sabotaging not one but three potential job offers"

" I didn't sabotage them. I merely informed them that you already had a job here, as my secretary" Tommy replied pointing his finger into his desk.

" But I dont do I Tommy? You fired me, remember?" You scoffed, a scoff you hoped would not only distract him but you from the tears welling in your eyes.

" Sweetheart look, can..." Tommy was about to say when your eyes narrowed in on him and he stopped himself before he infuriated you any more than you already was. " Y/N, can we talk as adults? Sit down without, throwing anything?" he said gesturing to your hand still resting on the statue.

" Are you patronising me?" You replied, your voice going up an octave at his suggestion you were being immature when for the past five years he had been far from mature himself.

" No I'm just...fuck sake, I can't win with you" Tommy replied throwing his hand up in the air as he leaned back into his chair shaking his head.

"No you can't, so stop meddling in my life Tommy. Stop ruining every chance I have to move on"

" And that's what you want? To move on?" Tommy reluctantly asked as he looked back to you, the uncomfortable weight now sitting on his chest making him wish he never asked the question at all.

" Yes" you replied turning your head, unable to face him and the truth that you couldn't and wouldn't ever be able to stop loving him, stop wanting him.

" You're lying Y/N, I could always tell when you're lying" Tommy said as he stood up slowly walking over to you like you would a wild horse.

"You need to let me be, let me move on" you sniffed back as your eyes cast down to the floor. " Isn't that what you've been doing, moving on? I gave you space Tommy, I gave you what you wanted for five years even though it was breaking my heart and all I wanted you to do was hold me in your arms" You said wiping your tears, furious at yourself for letting him see you this way.

"Then let me ey, let me hold you" Tommy said moving closer, his hand reaching out for you. " Sweetheart..."

"Stop calling me that!" You cried brushing his attempts away as you walked past him to his office door. You weren't his sweetheart, you weren't his childhood love, you weren't his girl. It was over, all of it over. " Boundaries Tommy, you need to learn some boundaries. Learn to leave me alone" you said opening his door looking back at the defeat on his face as you recomposed yourself. " And Tommy?" You said turning one last time before shutting the door. " If you call me sweetheart one more time I swear to god you'll find the sharp end of that ugly horse ornament aimed straight at your cock, and this time I promise you, I won't miss" and with that you left, shutting the door behind you as Tommy watched you walk past the glass on the opposite of his office, your head held high as you brushed your hair to one side not giving him a second glance. He had been told off look a naughty school boy, and just like a child he was in for the biggest lesson of his life, patience.

"I wasn't really going to throw it" you said sat beside Ada in the Garrison as she rocked Karl back and forth in his pram. "I mean, I was tempted" you added unable to hold back your laugh as Ada giggled into her glass of gin. " Ada I don't know what's gotten into me. I just want to kill him...all the time. And the worse part is I think he was trying to say sorry, and I didn't let him" you sighed bringing your hand up to your face as you closed your eyes, having recounted what had happened in Tommy's office and everything else in the past month to his younger sister at lightening speed. The rapid pace of your account of events clearly fuelled by the anger still lingering within you.

" Hey" Ada said moving your hand away, her face scrunched up with concern. "Nothings gotten into you, more like what's gotten out of you. Five years worth of pent up anger would drive anyone to the point of wanting to wring my idiot brothers neck" she said as she looked at the bags under your eyes, Tommy always did have a knack for making people feel as sleep deprived and knackered as him. "You've been bottling it up for far too long locked away in that flat.." she said as she raised her brow ready to give you a bitter reality check. "...not living"

" What...I've been living" you scoffed leaning back into your chair as you crossed your arms. " I'm breathing aren't I?"

" Right, tell me then. When's the last time you let your hair down and you know, had some fun?" she replied mirroring your actions, crossed armed ready for whatever lie you had convinced yourself of.

" Well, there's..." you said furrowing your brow trying desperately to think back to the last time you actually laughed, did Arthur's endearing jokes count? " Well I can't, can I? Not with him gallivanting about with god knows who stealing the fun from everyone else" you pouted, resolving to the fact you hadn't had a proper nights out in years.

" If you call moping about day and night complaining about you, then sure he's had as much fun as you" Ada replied taking a grizzly baby Karl out his pram as she lifted her blouse to feed him. " If it bothers you that much then kindly bugger off " Ada said turning to the group of workmen shaking their heads seated a few tables away as they took their glasses and moved to the bar. "And before you even say anything, that barmaid was all for show, he was angry. I'm sorry he picked the worse way possible of showing you babe" Ada said reaching her hand out for you giving it a gentle squeeze. " Why don't I set you up with someone, one of Freddie's friends, for a date" she suggested nudging her arm with yours, a mischievous glint in her eye.

" But Tommy...his your brother..I"

" Y/N stop. You're allowed to go out even if it's just for a bit of fun" She cut you off as she brought Karl up to her shoulder, gently patting his back.

" Ada Thorne, why do I get the feeling you just want me to piss him off" you squinted at her as a smile formed on the corner of your mouth. It wouldn't hurt to give him a taste of his own medicine. You thought to yourself knowing he had his henchman still keeping their eye on you.

" Hm, whatever made you think that?" she winked to you as the Garrison doors blew open and the very man who had been the topic of conversation for the past hour walked in. "Speak of the devil. Here he is, tail between his legs" Ada nodded to the door as she placed Karl back into his pram.

" More like a dog with a bone" you huffed as you turned to see him walking straight for you. God, what did he want now?

" Boundaries" Tommy said standing beside you as you sipped on your drink, crossing one leg over the other.

" Yes and? " you replied bluntly as you diverted your eyes elsewhere, the stained-glass of the Garrison windows for one.

"Well, I need some clarifications" he said as he walked around the table, now directly in front of you. Fuck sake.

" Clarifications, what do you want me to do write you a list?" You scoffed as Tommy carefully considered his reply. A list would make his life easier.

" Y/N, you gotta give me something. What do you want me to do?" he replied with a huff, abandoning the idea of a catalogue of what he could and couldn't do as he placed both of his hands on the table looming over you. Fuck you look tired. Was that his fault too?

" Fuck off Tommy, that's what I want you to do" you said scraping your chair back along the wooden floorboards as you got up and left the Garrison, leaving him for a second time that day clueless on what to do next.

"Oh Tommy, you won't be able to bring her around with your charm this time. I'm afraid this is something a quick fuck down by the cut won't fix. You need to try harder" Ada said as she stood up putting her coat on.

" I'm trying Ada, but she'll barely talk to me"

" Yeh I heard about your attempts to win her back. Seven bouquets of flowers, her place looked like a bloody graveyard Tommy, hardly romantic" she said rolling her eyes as she turned the pram to the door.

" How was I supposed to know she didn't like flowers any more?" Tommy huffed as he followed his sister out the Garrison. Maybe Ada knew something he didn't that would win you back...he hoped.

" You know Y/N better than anyone Tommy, you must have known she wouldn't have liked that tacky show of wealth. And don't even get me started on your attempts to get her attention" Ada said struggling to push the pram through the thick mud and dirt of Small Heath. " Do you not remember the flowers you used to pick her and how long you'd spend doing it?" Ada stopped, looking up at her brother as the realisation finally hit him. That over the top plea of forgiveness may have cost him a day's wages but only now did he realise how it must have come across. A cop out. And as Ada so rightfully said, tacky." She didn't fall in love with this Tommy, the Tommy that has to show everyone his worth, his status. She fell in love with this one" she said pulling out the gold pocket watch you had gifted him ten years ago from within his waistcoat that had been back in its rightful place for over a week. " Stop being the worst version of yourself and show her who's she been missing, who she fell in love with. And for the love of god stop being a bloody idiot" she said before turning onto watery lane as a glimmer of a smile played on the corner of Tommy's lips at his sister brutal but well-deserved parting words.

How many more people was it going to take before he let his stubbornness slide and took their advice. It would admittedly be the hardest thing he had ever had to do, no doubt driving him mad in the process. Tommy thought to himself deciding to call of his men from keeping an eye on you or as he corrected anyone who dared to challenge him on the matter, keeping you safe. If he was going to do this he would do it the correct way, without the grand displays or need of theatrics. For the first time in a long time Tommy was going let things play out at their own pace, relenting all control over the situation his was so desperate to resolve.

Tea why did you offer him a tea? You thought to yourself climbing the stairs with the friend of Freddie's Ada had set you up with. The evening had been a disaster. Henry, your date, had spent the entirety of the night talking about his one and only passion politics, something you had little to zero interest in. Opening the door to your place you mentally reminded yourself to have words with Ada about the complete bore she had set you up with and clarification as to what she considered a good night out, because this certainly wasn't it.

" Nice place" he said entering your small bedsit. Was he joking? It was the pokiest flat in Small Heath, nothing worked and you was pretty sure a small family of mice had moved in and made it their life's mission to steal any form of food you left out for more than five minutes.

" Thank you" you said gesturing for him to sit at the small table by your window as you turned to make the tea you was reluctantly going to have to prepare whether you wanted to or not. Desperate to get him to leave and as quick as possible you decided to forgo boiling any water and instead planned on making him the coldest brew of tea known to man. That would do the trick, wouldn't it? " Here" you said placing the small mug in front of him as your mind wandered to what had really been occupying your thoughts all evening. Tommy.

" That was quick" he replied scrunching his brow as he looked into the murky water, a few tea leaves floating on the top. "You not having one?"

" Oh no, not a fan of...that " you said twiddling your thumbs on your lap as you looked at the less than delightful concoction you had created.

" Did you even boil.." he started to say causing your cheeks to turn bright red as your brain scrambled to come up with an excuse when, as if you had been saved by a higher power there was a knock at that door.

" Excuse me" you said walking away, grateful for the opportunity to leave any further interrogations about your tea making skills. "Tommy..."

" Hey" he replied softly, a smile appearing on the corner of his mouth as you opened your front door. " You've company" he said clearing his throat looking over your shoulder to see a man sitting at your kitchen table as he threw the small posy of flowers he had been holding behind his back along the outer wall of your bedsit.

" Tommy, I mean Mr Shelby. I...I thought you two weren't erhh" he stumbled, fumbling to grab his coat, abandoning the cold cup of tea he was sure you didn't boil any water for. "Together" he said swallowing harshly as he stood at the door beside you both.

" We're no.." you replied before Tommy cut your off.

"We are" Tommy said moving out of the way of the exit as he gestured for him to leave, irritated by the mere fact he had taken one extra second to do so. With the biggest scoff you could muster you crossed your arms as you stared him down. We are...is that what the past five years had been then, a bump in the road a bloody break?

"Thanks for ruining my date" you said marching over to the cup and throwing it's contents into the sink as Tommy shut the door behind him.

" What with Henry Coggs? Interesting choice for a date. Did he not bore you to death with his political crap?" Tommy chuckled as he watched you potter around your place trying to avoid any conversation with him.

" No, I found it really interesting actually" you lied and badly. " Tommy what do you want? I thought I told you to..."

" Fuck off?" he said sitting on the edge of your table as you stood in front of him.

" Leave me alone" you rephrased as he cocked a brow at your forgetful or intentional lack of memory as to what your actual parting words were to him in the Garrison a few days ago.

" And I have. I wanted to come here and say that you're right that..."

" Oh so you don't have to be a complete drunk to admit when you're wrong" you cut him off, your guard up ready for an argument you was sure would happen.

" You really want to start?"

" Ok then, let's hear what Tommy Shelby has to say? Actually no, forget it. Please leave" you said turning to the door when he grabbed your arm and span you back around to face him.

"Y/N can you just.." Tommy huffed as he tried to keep you in place. " Will you just hear me out?" he added as he placed his hand on your other arm, holding you in front on him. " Please?" He said as you found yourself nodding, stumped for words, slightly taken aback by his willingness to open up. " I..." Tommy said wetting his bottom lip with his tongue, his mouth suddenly going dry. Could he really do this without drinking a whole bottle of whisky beforehand?

" I've been an idiot" he said pausing as you rolled your eyes. Well that was the biggest understatement of the year. You thought to yourself as you turned to walk away again. "I broke my own heart Y/N, you didn't do anything wrong, you never did anything wrong" he said the words you never expected to hear causing you to stop. " I've..shit, I'm fucking this up" he said looking up at the ceiling, shaking his head as his mind uncomfortably replayed all times he had hurt you.

" No you're not, keep going. Please" you said turning around to face him.

"I made your life miserable Y/N, all because I couldn't stand how miserable I'd made my own. Pathetic aren't I ?" he said placing his hand back on your arm his thumb gently rubbing over the soft fabric of your blouse. " I don't expect you to ever forgive me for the five years of hell I put you through, I'd be a fool to think you would. But I need you to know that I regret everything, everything I've ever done that's hurt you, that's made you cry. It's all been my fault darling, I should have never made you think it was yours " he sighed, the words he had been wanting to say for the past week if not the past five years spilling out of him as if they had been patiently waiting there, waiting for him to break down the iron wall he had built around himself. Speechless you stood there, not knowing what to say, what to do as you let his words sink in. This was possibly the first time you had ever heard Tommy admit to anything let alone his own wrongdoings. And yet he had, and as you stood there staring at eachother in silence you finally came to realise what the other had endured, had regretted. The heartache you had both thought was your own had been a heartache shared, one that was now enveloping you both in a warm hug as you finally understood each others pain. " Its getting late I should probably go" he said breaking the silence and the small bubble you had both momentarily found yourselves in. "Goodnight Y/N " Tommy said as he leaned forward pressing a kiss to your cheek, the small embrace feeling the most natural thing for him to do in the moment as his lips lingered on your soft skin for a few seconds longer in hopes you would say something, do something. But you just stood there, his unexpected confession keeping you frozen in place as a rush of emotions that you had pushed to the side for five years came hurtling towards you.

"...night" you managed to coax from your lip's as you turned your head to watch him leave, listening intently to the sound of his heavy footsteps walking down the stairs as you desperately tried to think of something to say. " Tommy wait" you called out as you ran to your door only to see he had was already left, the gate at the bottom of the stairs swinging open and close as a gust of wind blew a scattering of leaves onto the steps below you. Leaning against the door frame you brought your hand up to your head as you closed your eyes, pushing your thumb into the skin between your brows as you cursed yourself for not saying anything in response to his attempts at making amends. Was that all it took? Had you forgiven him already? You thought to yourself as you opened your eyes and looked down at the rickety wooden stairs to see a posy of flowers with a small card buried within them sitting on the weather beaten wood. Wrapping your arms around your body from the cold you sat down beside the small bouquet held together by twine. One, two, three flowers, you smiled as you counted them within the various leaves and foliage. How long had it taken him to find possibly the only three flowers still alive in Small Heath after the deluge of rain and bitter weather the whole of Birmingham had endured for the past month. You thought to yourself knowing exactly who had abandoned them on the steps in front of your home, the small gesture tugging at your memories of times before when Tommy had gone out of his way to do the very same thing. Pulling out the small card your heart skipped a beat, your eyes welling with tears at the two words staring back at you, the two words you never felt you deserved, that you felt worthy of from the very man who had written them.

"I'm sorry"

(Part Seven coming soon!)

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[beskarhearts]

AN INTRUDER (Connection Series Prologue)

Connection series: Prologue

Next Part

Pairing: Din Djarin x f!reader (no use of Y/N)

Warnings: cursing, guns, death, fighting, mentions of past trauma

Word count: almost 11K

Summary: You thought the weirdest thing you would encounter on the desolate planet of Yungbrii would be the Mandalorian intruder you found in your home. That was until you laid eyes on a small green child.

Notes:  I am finally back and in business!! I took such a long break and I have no clue if anyone cares about this story, but I still do. I wanted to start fresh with a prologue for this series before eventually getting to rewriting all the current chapters out and then releasing new ones, a lot of which I already have written or like half written. It might be a slower process because I have school and work, but it will happen! I hope you guys enjoy and please please please tell me what you think!!

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The jagged landscape of Yungbrii, along with the desolate cold that always encapsulated it and seeped into the bones of the few citizens who lived there, was the perfect environment for you. It was barren, with a population so small that many didn't even know a single soul resided there. The days seemingly bled into each other until life seemed like an endless cycle of complete and utter nothingness. It was a depressing planet in all honestly. No communities. No beauty to bewitch any travelers. It was plain, like the few who lived there. That is why it was perfect for you.

It sounded depressing but it was the truth. You weren't nearly old enough to be in this mindset yet but you felt like you had lived a thousand lives in this one and it was a life that didn't have much to offer you but a horrible, aching pain that couldn't be healed. And even though you had that terrible, small inkling of desperate desires inside of you, something that gnawed at you and begged for more than the life you had resigned yourself to, you buried it. Just like the land you lived on got buried in the snow and cold.

Besides you had the necessities. You had food and water. You had a bed. Hell, you even had a mechanic shop and though customers were rare, especially as the days got shorter, that was a lot more than many people in this galaxy had. It was more than you had just a year ago. So maybe this, in the end, was all you really needed. No friends. No family. No life. Just this.

But it didn't stop you from imagining a thousand different scenarios of how your life could go in the dark cloak of the night. It didn't stop you from wishing of leaving Yungbrii, traveling the galaxy or at least finding some semblance of something meaningful. Something that meant anything. But those were thoughts you kept for night, when you were tucked in your bed beneath the sheets. Alone.

____________________

"Darin, you've raised the price for this caf on me every-time I've come in here. This is getting atrocious."

"Caf is a luxury on this planet and if you don't want to pay the price, you can simply not have it." The man responded with a husky voice soaked in annoyance, his face perfectly encapsulating how much he truly didn't care about you. His crusty beard covered a good half of his place, wrinkled face but you could still see bitterness and resentment hidden under the mess.

You let out a sigh, staring at the canister of caf he had sitting on the counter between the two of you. It was the smallest one he'd gotten in also the most expensive one yet. He was robbing you blind but caf was the only thing that seemed to bring you any happiness anymore. And the last time you tried to quit caf, it had graciously cost you numerous migraines until you cracked and slammed four cups of it down in one sitting. You pulled the credits out of your pocket and slammed them on the counter. "Screw you." you muttered.

Darin, the single store owner in the area, gave you an ugly grin. The slimeball knew he had you in a chokehold and you were willing to bet your caf addiction was the only thing keeping him in business anymore. "I'm not here to make friends." he sneered, his grubby hand grasping at the credits as you yanked the caf canister towards you, holding it against your chest like it was a priceless gem. Hell, for that price it might as well had been. It better be the best damn caf you had ever let touch your lips.

"Yeah. No shit." you muttered, shuffling out of the store and into the bitter cold. You knew the comment would probably make the rate go double next week when you begrudgingly made your way back to that store, but it wasn't your day. You hadn't had a customer in weeks. And while you certainly didn't have any regulars, you'd usually have to help one person who found their way on this shit hole planet and needed some repairs.

Your feet dragged against the thick layer of snow that coated the planet, cursing yourself for not wearing your thicker jacket. You used to dream of snow when you were younger. Having grown up on a planet like Jakku, you had never seen it. Had never watched white flakes slowly flitter down, delicately falling into every corner and crevice of a planet. The first time you did see it, it took your breath away. You had stood in the middle of it, finding peace and calm in the silence. Like the snow had stifled every sound, even the constant nagging of your own mind. You had loved it.

Now your love for it was not as prevalent when it was a constant companion. Now it was just cold and reminded you of loneliness, a prospect you already confronted every time you looked around your empty home.

Rounding the corner, you finally laid your eyes on your small abode. You had only walked a couple hundred feet at best, but any walk in this kind of weather felt like it lasted miles. Or maybe you just desperately needed a hot cup of caf.

Your home, if you could call it that, was small and dated. No warm feeling of home radiated off the muddled establishment. In fact, it resembled a desolate cave more than any sort of home you had ever pictured in your mind. You didn't bother to talk to people here but you couldn't imagine any person on this planet looked at where they lived and thought of it as home. Things on Yungbrii weren't made with the intent to make you feel welcomed or comforted. The few things that stood on the barren planet were built purely out of necessity by people who had poor enough luck to land on the forsaken planet.

In all honesty, you didn't want to go inside and sit there all day, instead hoping for something of any excitement to occur. But you had nothing else so you neared the door, your numb fingers reaching out for the handle when you paused.

The door was cracked open.

You knew with one thousand percent certainty you hadn't forgotten to close the door. You didn't do things like that. You had ingrained into the deepest recesses of your brain that mistakes as small as this cost. You didn't allow these small slip ups any more. Life was too cruel for one small mistake to be just that. A mistake.

You took in a sharp breath, softly laying the caf canister on the ground as to not make noise and slipped your hand beneath your jacket, to the blaster that was firmly tucked behind you. You had you wouldn't have to use the blaster that you now gripped in your hands, your index finger ghosting the trigger that was cool to the touch. Usually pulling it out was threat enough to you. Hopefully that would still work in your favor today.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. You let your other hand softly graze the metal door, letting it softly push open as to not make any noise. Your eyes peered into the gap, adjusting to the dull light of the room. Luckily for you, or perhaps unfortunately for you, your intruder wasn't hard to miss. You squinted your eyes, a deep furrow forming in your brow as your eyes narrowed in on the large figure whose back was turned to you.

What the fuck was a Mandalorian doing here?

You turned your head to look behind you, finding nobody else and nothing else. It wasn't until you let your eyes wander down that you noticed the large boot prints etched into the snow, leading straight to your door. You cursed yourself for your stupidity, for allowing yourself to be so preoccupied you hadn't noticed them. You had been reckless and look where it had left you.

A clang of metal against metal rang out and you sharply turned your head, back towards the Mandalorian who was still turned away from you. Even though they were now bent over, arms reaching down, you could tell they were a figure to behold. Intimidation seemed to roll off them in waves, with their sleek metal suit glistening in the sparse light of the room. It was alluring in its own way, if you were the kind of person who enjoyed the soft whispers of danger that seemed to encapsulate them. The angles and smoothness of it was contradictory to the figure itself. It was so polished and sleek, like a brand new shiny ship, almost beautiful even, but your grandmother had told you enough about Mandalorians to know the danger they presented. A person of real flesh and blood was under there, even if the outside was so cold and robotic. A person who was now an intruder.

More metal clang together as the Mandalorian stayed hunched over, arms moving around in the item that was hidden behind their hulking figure. But you knew what they were doing. They were in your tool box, rummaging through the tools that were your lifeline and one of the only reminders of your past. You felt this light a fire in you, anger pulsing through you like it was seeping into your blood stream. You should of been more annoyed that this stranger has invaded your space, and while you certainly were, you were angriest that they had the audacity to touch your tool box.

You pushed on the door more, holding your breath as to not even let the smallest noise slip. You knew Mandalorians had weapons, plenty of them at that. And all you had was the outdated blaster you now clutched tightly in your hand. The only advantage you would have was the element of surprise, though you doubted that itself would be enough.

As you finally entered the room, your slow footsteps led you closer to the intruder. You felt as light of a feather, trying your best to be the stealthiest you had ever been. You wondered if the person before you knew you were there, was just waiting for the best moment to turn around and put to play whatever mischievous plan they had.

But that moment seemed to never come, even if it felt like it was taking you minutes to finally come within a few feet of the Mandalorian. You slowly raised your arm, aiming the blaster at their back and cursing yourself for letting your arm shake in the slightest. You needed to be brave. You needed to ignore the terror inside you. You couldn't think about the fact that you were alone, with no one close enough to come help you. You had to ignore how your eyes landed on the vast variety of weapons strapped to the waist and back of the Mandalorian.

You had no one else. It was just you. Even if you were the idiot holding a blaster to beskar steel.

"Don't move." you gritted out, feeling the words barely push past your bared teeth as you continued to hold the blaster as firmly as you could. The Mandalorians body stiffened immediately at the sound of your voice, hands pulling away slowly from the tool box but staying in front of them. A few seconds passed by before the Mandalorian began to move. You gripped to the blaster tighter, finger now resting on the trigger, but they only turned their helmet to the left. You followed its line of sight. "Fuck."

You couldn't even begin to guess as to what it was. It looked like a child but perhaps you were wrong. You had never seen a creature like it at all, couldn't even name a species it had slightly resembled. It was a couple feet tall, if that, in no way appearing to be a threat to you. A large tan coat wrapped the tiny body up, seeming to swallow the creature up so much so that only its head peeked out. You watched its big wide eyes and then glanced over at the large green ears that stuck out of both sides of its head, looking almost comical. Its dark eyes were staring directly at you, a plain face looking between you and the Mandalorian, as well as the blaster you still had aimed at the mass of metal before you.

You felt your breathing quicken, the bravery you had barely been able to muster being sucked out of you by the creature you and the Mandalorian looked at. From the way it peered at the Mandalorian, it seemed to know them. It wasn't some random creature that had happened to stumble into your shop after the Mandalorian. This creature was innocent, that you knew beyond any shadow of a doubt. The Mandalorian, on the other hand, you knew nothing about. Would they bring a child with them if they had planned on doing something grim? Unless this wasn't a child and just resembled one so much.

"Don't hurt the kid." The Mandalorian spoke, the deep voice cackling through the modulator of the helmet with a natural gruffness. It was masculine and simultaneously warm and cold. It was the kind of voice that could strike intimidation and fear into your heart. It was the kind of voice that struck fear in your heart.

You kept your gaze on the child. It was a kid. An innocent kid. And the fact that the Mandalorian didn't turn around and kill you as you dumb foundedly looked down at the kid had to be a good sign, right? Or were you simply being delusional because you didn't want to become the very monster that haunted your own dreams? The kind of monster who inflicted pain on innocent people right in front of their own innocent eyes.

You lowered the hand with the blaster, your finger slipping away from the trigger but now gripping the holster so tightly that your knuckles were surely turning white. The tremor in your arm was getting worse but you pulled it to your side, willing yourself to appear strong and composed. The Mandalorian stayed hunched but completely still, helmet still aimed at the child, who was frozen in its spot and peering up at you, big eyes slowly blinking like he was taking in the moment.

"Stand up." you finally spoke out, backing up as the Mandalorian straightened out, rising from his position but not turning to face you. You had known he would be big but it didn't hit you how large he was until your eyes surveyed broad shoulders and his tall figure. The more you looked at him, the less he seemed like a man and the more he seemed like a weapon.

You glanced back over at the child when a flash of silver danced in the corner of your eyes. You barely had time to look over when you felt a force push into you. You stumbled back, now able to see the Mandalorian reaching towards your arms. You ignored the pain in your chest, yanking your arms back and kicking a leg out to kick at the Mandalorian. You were able to place a firm blow to the chest, the kind that would normally make a man fall back but only made this man slightly waver where he stood. He reached for you again and you ducked down, sliding to the right and pulling the blaster up to aim at him.

He now lunged towards you, hand grabbing your wrist that held the blaster and you grunted in pain. You pushed against him, wrestling with him as he pushed you against the wall. You peered into the visor for the first time, only seeing your face stare back at you. You gritted your teeth, trying to land a kick to his groin but your knee just made contact with his metal codpiece, making a sharp pain run up your knee.

The Mandalorian seemed barely effected by your movements, peering up at you plainly with not a single noise spilling from his helmet. Your chest heaved as he kept you pinned against the wall, your hand still clutching the blaster but your arm being gripped tightly by his warm hand.

"Let go of me, asshole." you sneered, spit spraying from your lips and onto the helmet. But the Mandalorian lacked a response, continuing to stare at you. Was he trying to determine how best to kill you?

You both became distracted when an intelligible noise rang out into the room. You looked over at the child, who was now shuffling towards you. It seemed to struggle due to its baggy clothing but seemed to be determined nonetheless, making its way towards the two of you.

"Kid, stay back." The Mandalorian finally spoke, trying to sound stern but the child paid no mind, seeming insistent with every step it made. It eventually stood right next to you guys, tiny head looking up at you two. The Mandalorian and you both looked down at it, waiting for something you both couldn't name.

A small green hand poked out of the sleeve and you saw small fingers reach towards the Mandalorian's hand that pinned your arm back. You suddenly felt the blaster slip out of your fingers from a force you couldn't name, falling to the floor with a clatter that made you almost jump. The Mandalorians arm then jerked back and he took a few steps back, looking down at the kid.

The arm slowly lowered down, big eyes blinking slowly as if the creature was collecting itself. It couldn't have pushed the gun out of your hand and moved the Mandalorian away, right?

Right?

You looked back over at the Mandalorian, who grabbed the child quickly and held him to his chest place, looking back over at you. You pondered reaching for your blaster again but knew you wouldn't use it, not with the kid here.

"What are you doing here?" you finally spoke, raising an eyebrow as the child turned to you at the sound of your voice and smiled. It seemed like the kid liked you. You hadn't exactly made a good impression so you weren't sure where it was coming from.

The helmet of the Mandalorian tilted and it unnerved you. You were pretty good at reading people and their expressions, even when they had poker face. But you had nothing to go off of with this man. No quirk of the brow or lift of a lip. No scrunched eyes or expression. All you had was his body language which was as rigid as the voice you had heard.

Silence filled the space and you shifted in your spot, bringing your hand to wrap around the wrist he had gripped. It hurt but was nothing to go crying about. You had honestly expected a lot worse. You looked back at the Mandalorian, rolling your eyes when he just continued to peer at you. "You do realize you are the one who broke in, right?"

"This is a shop." he finally spoke, speaking plainly.

You signed. No shit. "It's a mechanic shop. And my house." You then felt silly, explaining yourself to the man who had broken in to your home. "Not that any of this matters because either way, you still broke in."

"I knocked. No one answered." His hand that didn't hold the child lifted to rest on his hip.

"Oh, yeah, I totally forgot that a lack of an answer meant you could break in. Thanks for reminding me, asshole." you sarcastically answered. You cringed as the child looked back over at you when you cursed and gave him a guilty smile. "Sorry."

You were shocked when the kid broke out into a wide grin and... was that a laugh? You couldn't help the small quirk of your lip at the sound.

"I needed tools."

You deflated when the Mandalorian spoke again. You wished the kid spoke basic or any language that was remotely understandable. It seemed far better company than its caretaker (if that is what he was). "So you were breaking in to steal my tools?"

"I was going to use them on my ship and return them."

You couldn't. You couldn't offer your services to the man who broke into your house and then attacked you.

But then again... maybe you could? You couldn't deny it had been way too long since you worked and a few credits in your pocket wouldn't hurt. But even more important to you was the actual action of working on a ship. You loved fixing ships. You loved the metal and the oil and the smell of it. You loved the way your hand would cramp from holding tools all the day, the way your back would be sore for being hunched over a difficult patch of wires all day.

No. No, you couldn't. He attacked you for Makers sake.

But his kid was cute.

Ah, fuck it.

"I'm a mechanic." you stated, reflecting his position by placing your hand on your hip and cocking it out. "What kind of ship is it?"

"You tried to kill me."

You let out an exaggerated scoff, rolling your eyes. "Alright, pal. That is a wee bit dramatic. I just held a blaster to you. And to be fair, I didn't know you had a kid. Also you proceeded to actually attack me in my own home so..."

The Mandalorian cocked his head to the side, as if considering your words. "Why do you want to know?"

"I'm a mechanic. And..." you looked him up and down, surveying him. "that suit is pure beskar from the looks of it. All your weapons appear to be high quality as well. Expensive. So, I am going to assume you had the credits to pay for all of that."

The Mandalorian shifted in his spot, hand slipping to his side and his body becoming more rigid, even with the squirming child in his arms. Was it discomfort that made him do that? Did he not like that you had tried to read him? You couldn't tell but it had been the closest he had come to any sort of human emotion.

"I'm not interested." he replied. "I'll pay for your tools."

You glared back at him, eyebrow raised. "Nah. Not happening. Those tools aren't for sale."

"I'll pay for them and bring-"

"The tools aren't for sale." you repeated sternly. "No one touches them but me."

A long sigh was emitted from his modulator, looking down at the child who now glanced back at him. He seemed to consider for a second before looking back at you. "Are you any good?"

This time, you let out an incredibly exaggerated scoff, shaking your head and crossing your arms. The pure audacity of man. "First of all, I am the only mechanic on this planet so you aren't going to find anyone else to help you out. Second of all, I am a hell of a mechanic. The best you have ever met. I can guarantee it."

Yeah, that sounded cocky. But it was probably true.

"How much?"

You smirked, feeling like you were finally inching towards the deal you desperately craved, like the hit your morning caf gave you but much stronger. "What kind of ship is it?"

"A ST-70 Assault Ship."

"A Razor Crest?" you let out a dry chuckle. You had only seen once before. It was what you would definitely refer to as a vintage model. It was pre-Empire, meaning it lacked a lot of new technology that most ships now had. Also mean depending on how well taken care it was, almost all the parts could be original would mean it was incredibly run down.

The Mandalorian paused. "It is well used."

You had been a mechanic long enough to know what that meant. That meant it was a piece of crap hunk of junk. And if it was that old? It was probably be better as a junk pile than a mode of transportation. "What is wrong with it?"

"The hyperdrive won't work."

That was something you could fix easily. Depending on the extent of the damage, it could take longer but no more than a few days as long as you had all the right tools and parts. Ordering tools to a planet like this meant going to Darin, but that was something you were willing to do. For the right price.

"Seven thousand credits. Maybe more if we need to order parts."

The Mandalorian scoffed. "I'll find someone else."

"Like I said, you won't find anyone else. Nor will you find another ship on this damn planet. Or anyway off it without your own." He tilted his head, seeming to not believe you. "Trust me."

"Seven thousand credits is a steep price."

You smirked. "Not for the quality work I provide. But hey, don't pay it. But then you and the kid will be rotting away on this planet for the rest of your days. Hell, maybe we could even be neighbors."

The Mandalorian looked down at the child, a grunt ringing out in the room before he begrudgingly agreed. "Fine."

You grinned, feeling for the first time in weeks the smallest bit of your old self come back to life. You glided past the Mandalorian, bending down to grab your bag and tool box before looking back up at him. "Take me to the ship.”

____________________

You couldn't help the grimace on your face. It looked older than you had imagined it would in your head. And you hadn’t been imagining anything good in your head. It was dated and no attempt had been made to make it look like it wasn’t pre-Empire. It wasn’t falling apart or anything, at least not from what the average Joe could tell. You supposed you could be grateful for that. But you had assumed it would look a little more upgraded than it did, considering the appearance of the Mandalorian himself. But perhaps he was old school, preferring the older aspects of the ship.

The Mandalorian was stood beside you, hands on his hips as his T-visor looked over the ship. The small child was at your side, it’s small hand resting on your calf as you both stood in the snow. The little one had insisted on walking with you the whole way from your home to the patch of land where the Razor Crest resided. Every time the Mandalorian had tried to pick the little one up, he had let out small protests and reached towards you. You weren’t exactly sure where his fascination with you came from, but you felt similarly. You imagined most people were taken aback by the child’s appearance but you were still certain it had been he who had forced that blaster on of your hand and pushed the Mandalorian back. It had to have been.

There was also this inexplicable feeling that rushed through you each time you made eye contact with the kid. He was a total stranger you had only known for about a half hour now, but there was a familiarity in him. A kind of comfort. It made you feel warm and you just felt grateful to have met him.

You looked down at the child who glanced up at you. “Your dad didn’t mention that this ship was older than the galaxy itself.”

"I'm not his father." The Mandalorian quickly corrected, looking down at the kid briefly before looking back up at the ship. You wanted to ask about a million questions. Who was the kid? Why did he have the kid? What the hell were they doing anywhere near this planet? Did he look like the kid under the helmet?

But you could tell that the kid and him cared for each other. You could feel it coming in waves from the child, like this warm feeling bloomed within him whenever he was with the Mandalorian. A warm feeling that could be best described as family. Belonging. You knew that feeling meant more than anything else in the world and everybody, even stone cold Mandalorians, probably yearned for that kind of connection.

Or maybe you were just projecting your desires onto the man of beskar.

"Either way, your ship is a mess." You muttered directly to the Mandalorian.

"It works fine. I just need the hyperdrive fixed." He insisted.

You snorted, looking down at the child to give him a face that said 'Give me a break'. And you swore the child returned the same one to you, like 'You're telling me'. "This ships looks like a flying piece of junk metal."

"Are you going to fix it or not?"

You huffed, rolling your eyes. In no way would you consider yourself to be a particularly social person, although you suppose in the past you used to be, but this Mandalorian was really taking the cake. Everything he said was short and clipped, directly to the point. He had never at any point introduced himself, even when you told him your name, or even apologize for breaking in which still irked you.

Let's just put it this way. He should count himself very lucky he had a cute kid. Or maybe you were lucky he had the cute kid.

You strolled up to the hyperdrive, giving it a long careful look. It was surprisingly in better shape than you had expected given its age. You had expected something to be broken because of old age but that wasn't it at all. Something had gotten stuck in the hyperdrive, slamming into the transpacitor and tearing it up. You saw a few other small things, including a tweaked power flux connector that would eventually wear down. But otherwise, it was pretty well taken care of.

"You've got a mechanic, already?" you asked, still peering into the ship and taking a look at all the individual parts.

"Yes." he answered.

"They did a decent job, especially with a ship this old. Something got in your hyperdrive. You are gonna need a new transpacitor. I'm gonna need to order a new one."

"You don't have one?" he asked.

You sighed and looked over at him. "Oh yeah, I always have a ST-70 Assault ship transpacitor laying around because of how common these things are."

"How long will it take to get here?" he plainly responded. You were getting annoyed with his lack of humor. With how bland his personality was, you were probably the funniest damn person he'd ever met. He should be grateful for your jokes.

With a huff, you answered blandly. "Eh, if I order it now, it will probably take a day to find one and then a few days to get here, if we are lucky. Maybe a little longer. In the meantime, I can fix up this connector for you, maybe a few other thi-"

"That's too long." The Mandalorian interrupted, his gaze frozen on you.

Your shrugged. "This is Yungbrii. You can try to fly to another planet without hyperdrive but it will take longer than it would to just sit still and wait for the part."

The Mandalorian let out a loud sigh. "I need to go fast."

You knew that urgency that was laced in his words. You had had that very urgency yourself. The kind that made your skin crawl and puts you on edge. You looked down between him and the child and slowly asked your next question. "Are you two running from something?"

His helmet stilled and you froze in your spot, worrying you had overstepped an unspoken line in the sand.

"No." he said.

You didn't believe him though. You didn't need to see his face to know that he was lying. And while you were curious, it ultimately didn't matter what was going on. If you had to bet your life on it, you had a feeling it had to do with the kid who stood between you two.

So you just let out a curt nod. "Let me see what I can do."

____________________

Darin had been a real dick about it and you about damn near killed the man, but after several very colorful threats, he found the part for you. And he absolutely screwed you over with the price, practically robbed you blind, but he could get it here in two days. A hell of a lot faster than you had hoped.

You made the trek back to the Razor Crest, pockets a lot lighter with all the credits you had paid, a large container of caf, and a power flux connector in hand.

The Mandalorian had stayed in place with the child by the ship, not wanting anyone else to see the two of them. When you pulled up to the ship, you noticed the door to it was open and paused before going up the ramp. You didn't want to invade anyones privacy and just stroll in. But you wanted to share the good news and be incredibly noisy and check out the place.

And hell, he had broken into your home so screw it. You began to make your way up the ramp, each stomp of your foot against the metal ringing out into the eerie silence of the nature that surrounded you. You let out a sigh of relief when you entered. It was cold but a little bit warmer, bringing some life into your chilled joints.

The inside of the Crest looked older than the outside of it, at least from what you could see of the hull. It was a pretty big ship for its age but it was still tight. You saw a carbonite locker in the corner, as well as what you assumed was an arsenal where he stored his weapons. In the opposite corner was a small hatch leading to what you assumed was the cot. The Mandalorian stood in that very corner and looked back at you.

You couldn't help the small chill that ran down your spine as he leaned against the wall, arms crossed and helmet aimed right at you in complete silence. It was eerie, unnerving. You jerked your head towards the carbonite locker. "So you are a bounty hunter?"

You cursed yourself for saying something so dumb and obvious. You blamed it on the fact that you hadn't really socialized with someone in so long but it probably had more to do with how intimidating of a figure the Mandalorian was.

The Mandalorian never asked and you shrugged. "Fair 'nough. That was a dumb question." you stood in your spot, beginning to tap a foot when you lifted your arm up that held onto the jug of caf. "Want some caf?"

The Mandalorians head angled in on you more, tilting slightly. You cringed at the movement. "I don't know what I said wrong that time."

"I don't take my helmet off. This is the way."

Your eyes slightly widened and you lowered your arm back down, pulling the caf into your chest like a security blanket. This is the way? What the fuck did that mean?

Instead of asking more questions, you looked down at the floor to find the kid sitting there, playing with a small spherical metal bulb in his hands. It was the furthest thing from a proper toy but the kid looked absolutely enthralled by it. He lifted his hand up to show you the ball and you gave him a small smile. "Hey kid, want some caf?" you joked.

"He can't have caf." The Mandalorian stated matter-of-factly.

You now let out a Mandalorian-esque sigh, giving him a tired expression. "It was called a joke. Get a sense of humor."

You tried to relax, twisting open the cap to your bottle and taking a big sip of caf. You felt the hot beverage course through you and let out a content sigh, a soft smile etching into your face at the taste of such wonder. You turned back to the Mandalorian. "You ought to consider yourself lucky to have met me. Transpacitor will be here in two days, which is practically light speed compared to how long things take to get here."

"Did you mention us?"

You quirked your head to the side, shaking it slowly. "No. Seemed like you guys wanted to stay incognito."

"Good."

The Mandalorian stomped away from the corner, making his way towards the arsenal and looking at his guns. You wondered if maybe his was uncomfortable. Or if didn't realize how awkward and unwelcoming he was. Either way, you felt awkward and also neglected. You had just given him good news. Hell, great news for a planet like this. He couldn't even bother with a response that consisted of more than one word.

"You know you could thank me for helping you." you muttered out, looking down at your feet. "I had to threaten a man to get that part here this fast." You decided it much better to not mention that threatening the disgusting guy had brought you much joy. You figured it would be counterintuitive.

The Mandalorian didn't turn to you but nodded to himself. "Thank you."

You took that as a small victory, figuring something like that wasn't common for a man like that to say. You looked at the kid, as if to say 'Hey, look at the neat trick I just did'. He just shook his head back at you and looked back down at his ball. You felt your shoulders slump, feeling deflated. You supposed a simple thank you wasn't that much a win. Actually just the bare minimum.

Usually, this was when you would walk off and start replacing the power flux connector. In all honesty, that is what you just should of done. But you felt some need to try to make conversation with the Mandalorian. He would be hanging around for the next couple days and you'd be working on his ship. A simple conversation wouldn't hurt.

You also credited this desire to the kid. You felt like the Mandalorian was important to the kid, and you found yourself really liking the kid. You didn't even know why you did as much as you did since you had just met the thing. But you felt a connection to him, like you had met him before. He was also stinking adorable and you wanted to squish his little face, but that was a thought far too embarrassing to admit out-loud to yourself and certainly not to this tin can over there.

"So, you have a name?" you asked.

The Mandalorian now turned to face you and you felt yourself clam up at the position you were in. You were embarrassing yourself, trying to make conversation with a guy who would probably be doing anything other than talk to you. So instead of stopping, you decided to ramble. "It's just, y'know, I told you my name. And it is typically courteous to give somebody your name when you introduce yourself. Not that you even bothered to do that but whatever that doesn't really matter."

The Mandalorian stayed quiet and you felt your face slightly flush in humiliation. But once again you let your lips open again and felt more words you couldn't even control spilling out. "I don't usually talk this much. Like at all. I think the kid is making me do it."

You felt silly blaming the kid, especially when he looked up and let out a small patoo that sounded just as innocent as you knew it would.

"You can call me Mando." the man finally spoke and you shook your head.

That was enough discomfort than you could handle in one single conversation. "Great. Cool. Okay. I am going to go work on your ship."

You quickly turned around and proceeded to slam into the wall, not paying attention to the fact you were in a small hull of a ship while trying to rush out of it. You let out a small groan but threw a thumb up and made your way down the ramp. "I'm good. Not that you care."

And you swore you could hear the child laugh as you made your way down. Little womprat.

____________________

You didn't know why but you had spent the following two days constantly in the company of the Mandalorian and his child.

Actually you knew why. Cause his kid was the cutest thing you'd ever seen and your new best friend. And the Mandalorian was a tweaker who would never allow the child out of his sight, especially not when he was with you.

You probably should of been insulted by the fact that he didn't trust you, but to be fair, you didn't give him much to trust you with. Not that he had tried at all to get to know you or talk to you. He would just stand afar, hand always carefully placed on his hip, mere inches from his blaster, and his T-visor trained on the child and his surroundings at all times. It was like he was always on, never having a moment to be human because he was constantly on edge. You understood that feeling, had for a long time now.

In fact, the thing that had made you feel the most human in a long time was the tiny booger sitting next to you in the snow that was slowly melting in small patches. You had busied yourself for two days, fixing things on the ship. It was wonderful. You were keeping your hand and mind busy, not spending long days alone, hoarded up in your room with only a cup of caf to look forward to. It was also nice to have company.

You couldn't speak to the child, or rather you could but you weren't sure if he could understand you. But for some reason, you had a feeling that the child understood a lot more than one would guess. You would talk to the kid, telling him what you were doing on the ship or just telling him random stories, and it seemed like sometimes he would respond to you. He would blabber away in his own language, tiny noises spilling from his lips that you couldn't understand but you hooked onto, listening intently like you were having a real conversation. And maybe you were. Maybe that is why the child would always chuckle when you respond to his foreign language like you were the silly one.

The child would spent most of his day with you, until eventually he got grumpy enough he would start whining and pouting his tiny lips. It was then that the Mandalorian would come scoop him off the ground, giving you a nod as he took the child away to take a nap or feed him.

It was getting to that time today, the big eyes of the small creature starting to droop slowly, a dazed expression of sleepiness taking over. As if on cue, you heard the crunch of the snow as the Mandalorian marched over, each step of his boot leaving a pronounced print in the thin layer of snow. "C'mon, kid."

You looked up at the two as he held the child in his arms and couldn't help the small smile that danced on your lips. They were a family, for better or for worse. A bizarre one at that, but did it really matter who was in your family or what they looked like when you shared that kind of bond? You could tell in the way that the Mandalorian would allow the tiny green hand of the child to wrap around one of his fingers and the way the child would settle into his chest, nuzzling into the chest plate of armor as if he had done it countless times.

"Does the kid have a name?"

The Mandalorians head slowly looked over at you. "Not one I know."

You nodded. "I've been calling him womp rat and he seems to like it."

Even in his half asleep haze, you saw the child smile softly at the nickname. Oh boy, you were becoming a sap for the little guy with the way it made your heart melt.

The Mandalorian nodded, as if taking your joke seriously and giving the nickname consideration. You didn't bother to say much else of anything when he walked towards the entrance to the ship on the other side, rounding the corner and disappearing.

You looked down at the snow, where the soft imprint from where the child had sat was etched into the white blanket. You felt stupid, feeling so close to the creature but it felt like you couldn't help it. Today the transpacitor was supposed to show up, meaning the Mandalorian would leave with the child in tow. And you would miss the company.

You were zoned out when the Mandalorian returned and your head jerked over to look at him, eyebrow raised. He usually stayed with the child in the ship while he napped but he had probably come asking about the ship.

"I should probably head to the shop right now. The part should be in by now." you explained, grabbing your bag off the ground you brought with you everywhere and slinging it over your neck.

"You are good with the child."

You couldn't help the shocked expression on your face, looking into the T-visor of his helmet as if trying to make eye contact. You wondered if you were, if his mysterious eyes were looking into yours. "Thanks." you hesitantly said, not sure if it was a compliment when he more stated it as if it was just a fact.

"You have children?" you assumed it was a question, even though it said it very similarly to his previous declaration.

You couldn't help snorting. "Oh Maker, no. I have nothing."

You froze up, not realizing why those words had slipped off your tongue so easily. It was true, but it wasn't something you had to advertise. You pulled yourself back together, both hand clutching on the strap of your back as you squared your shoulders back. "I'm going to go get the transpacitor. Be back."

You didn't wait for a response, not that you expected one, and moved hastily towards the store. The Mandalorian made it clear he needed to get moving quickly and in the end, you were only a mechanic who was going to make good on your promise.

You approached the rackety small storefront, pushing the metal door open with a shove and stumbling inside. A stale smell enveloped your nostrils, just like it always did, and you scrunched up your face. The lighting in the store was dim but you looked around, locking eyes with a pair of men in the corner who looked back at you intently. They were shady looking figures, wearing numerous scarves and cowls probably in the name of warmth. But you were willing to bet those were for more nefarious reasons. You turned away from them and paid no mind. Yungbrii wasn't sprawling with model citizens. People on this planet were here for a reason. They either wanted nothing to do with the galaxy and the politics that came with it, or they were running away from something. You were in the latter group and tried to reserve any judgement you could.

You strolled up to the counter where Darin was looking down, seemingly invested in a card game he was playing with himself. “Hey, my part come in yet?”

Darin didn’t bother to look up, holding up a grubby finger to silence you as he stayed peering down at his cards. You let out a sigh, feeling impatient after only waiting a few seconds. “You are playing against yourself for Makers sake. How hard can it be?”

Darin let out a growl, shaking his head as he looked up. “You made me lose concentration.”

“Oh shit, you are probably gonna lose against yourself again.” You sarcastically muttered.

Darin rolled his eyes, jerking to grab a box off the counter behind him. “Why you in such a rush for this part?”

“Just hand it to me, Darin.” you plainly stated, trying to ignore the way you could feel the eyes or the two men in the back corner staring right at the back of you.

He placed the package on the counter, shoving it forward towards you but not letting go of it, even when you began to tug at it. “Can I help you?”

“You just haven’t had a customer in a long while is all. And I haven’t seen any new faces around the shop.” He gruffly stated. You noticed how his eyes briefly flitted with the men in the corner, who seemed very interested in your conversation. You didn’t like the way he was speaking, as if in code for the ears of the men in the back.

“Well I’m just flattered to know after all this time you have cared about me and my business so deeply.” You said, quirking an eyebrow and narrowing your eyes. “Now can I have my part?”

“I heard it was one of them Mandalorians.”

You jerked around when you heard a slurred voice in the corner. To no surprise, it was one of the men. Looking them square in the face as they slowly approached you, you could see they were brothers of some kind. And very drunk.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” you asked.

“We’ve just heard something is all.” the other brother responded.

You didn’t like this. You felt a pit in your stomach form. You certainly as hell hadn’t told anyone about the Mandalorian or his child. The Mandalorian hadn’t left his ship and certainly wouldn’t have shown up here with the child in tow.

Meaning someone was keeping an eye on the Mandalorian. Which meant they probably knew of the kid as well.

You chose not to answer them or threaten them, instead giving all three men a curt nod. “Have a good one, boys.”

You pulled the box in to your arms, trying to appear as cool as a cat, relaxed and calm as you slinked out of the store like you hadn’t a single care in the whole galaxy. You exited, letting the door softly close behind you and taking precise steps until you were far enough away from the store to show your discomfort. You then began to quicken your speed, rushing towards the Crest and checking behind you occasionally for any unforeseen visitors.

When you finally approached the Razor Crest, you hollered out the nickname you had been given for the first time. “Mando!”

You heard footsteps quickly stomp down the ramp of the ship and the Mandalorian came into the light, looking at you.

“You’ve got any friends I should know about?” You asked, dropping the box down on the ground softly as you breathed in small huffs.

He didn’t respond but his hand dashed towards his hip, fingers grazing over the blaster and that was answer enough.

“There were two brothers at the shop, real nice looking ones too, asking about you. I haven’t told anyone about you which means we have an uninvited visitor at some point.”

"How quickly can you get us out of here?" The Mandalorian asked directly.

“I can swap this out in probably an hour, have you up and running then. But you’ll have to fully hook it up once you land where you are going next.” You felt your cheeks flush at the urgency of it all, trying to ignore the pit that had settled into your stomach.

"I'll give you ten thousand credits if you can make it half an hour."

You felt your mouth dry up. Not because of the amount of money even though it was obscene. But because you knew this meant this was bad. Worse than you had feared. And it probably meant the kid was in trouble.

Mando shook his head, beginning to open the box. You quickly rushed forwards, grabbing the transpacitor out of the box as soon as it was opened and rushing towards the ship. The Mandalorian rushed towards the open door to the ship, joining you moments later with the child in tow. You felt better being able to see the kid, who was safe and sound. The child looked at you both with a confused expression and you were wondering if it was because his nap got cut short or because he felt it too.

A chill ran down your back as you tugged the old transpacitor out, tossing it to the ground and taking the new one from the Mandalorian. He then reached into your tool box, handing you each tool as you called out for it. You’d normally yell at someone for touching those tools but you figured right now wasn’t the time.

“I need a five milimeter bolt.” you called out, head practically shoved into the hyperdrive, your hands toggling at something. When there was more clanging of metal and a longer wait, you pulled your head out and looked down at the Mandalorian who was digging around in the box.

“You don’t have one in here.” Shit. You of course left that one at the shop. “I have one in the ship. Give me a second.”

He stomped out with the child in his arms, out of sight. You tried to get back to work but couldn’t help how unnerved you felt by not being able to see the two of them in front of you. They were just on the other side of the ship but this bad feeling in your bones told you to check on them.

You pulled away from the hyperdrive, pulling the blaster off your hip that you had eventually retrieved again and clenched it in your hands. You slowly crept in the snow, trying your best to prevent making any unnecessary noises. You followed along the walls of the ship, delicately making each step until you rounded the corner.

Sure enough, the bad feeling you had was right. One of the brothers was inching towards the entrance of the ship, blaster raised in front of him. This wasn’t just a drunken man with a blaster. His arm was steady and his focus was sharp. He had purpose. He was there for a reason.

And you felt your blood freeze when you realized the child was in there.

Don't let anything happen to the child.

You didn’t have time to yell out a warning when the Mandalorian, child still in his arms, came into the light, visible to you and the man with cruel intentions. Or maybe you did have time but couldn’t find it in yourself to yell. You couldn’t tell when it felt like everything moved at light speed.

Instead of second guessing or worrying, you did what you knew you had to do deep down. You finally pulled back on the trigger and saw the flash of light before you had time to fully process that you had actually done it.

Your arm jerked back at the force of the blaster and you clamped both eyes shut, not wanting to see if you had been too late. You didn’t even open them when you heard footsteps rush towards you and a hand grab your shoulder.

“Are you okay?” the voice sounded and you let yourself let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding when you realized it was modulated. Slowly, you let your eyes open and blinked slowly when you saw the helmet of the Mandalorian tilting down at you, only inches away.

You felt his hand push you slightly, as if trying to jerk you awake but you just dumbly looked up at him. Were your ears ringing from the shot or were you just in shock? You slowly looked away from the helmet that intently looked down at you, eyes landing on the figure a few feet away from you. It was a limp figure, laying haphazardly in the snow like it was a doll that had been thrown onto a child’s floor. Like it was meaningless and nothing. Certainly didn’t look like a real life human.

Your hands began to violently shake as your chest began to heave, the blaster slipping from your fingers and landing with a soft plop on the snow. It landed so delicately like it was a weapon that could cause such life changing events to occur. You blinked quickly, fighting back tears bit you saw the outline of the Mandalorians figure begin to swim in your eyes.

“You need to breathe.”

Why did he sound so distorted? His voice was always modulated but it was usually so clear. Now it sounded muddled and like you were hearing it but now actually hearing it at all. Like a broken recording of it.

A small boise broke you out of your trance and you began to slowly blink, feel the air return to your lungs. It was until the shaking had mostly subsided and you felt like you were no longer drowning that you felt the small warm hand on your arm, patting at it softly.

You looked into the face of the child, who looked up at you softly and felt a wave of comfort wash over you. He was the reason you had done that. You didn’t know what had urged you to do it or what had told you, but you knew deeply and definitively that the child was important. That he needed protecting.

You had done the right thing.

“You okay?”

You finally looked at the Mandalorian and felt like you were getting your first real look at him. His chest was moving faster than you had ever seen it before, even when you two were fighting. Small puffs of air were just barely escaping from his modulator, so quiet that you could only hear the do you his proximity. His gloved hand that wasn’t holding the child was clutching onto his blaster like his life depended on it. It was the most human he had seemed.

“I’m okay.” you finally answered, your voice sounding firmer than you had initially expected.

“Thank you.” he spoke and this time, you knew he meant it.

You nodded and stepped back. “Do you have the tool?”

“The what?” Mando spoke, seeming genuinely confused.

“The bolt.” The man nodded, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a rusted bolt that he held out to you. You clutched it tightly in your hand and nodded. “I’ve got to get you guys out of here.”

You were on autopilot, making your way to the new transpacitor and getting working on it immediately. You would have to deal with the consequences of your actions later. For now all the mattered was getting them out of here.

Later you would ask yourself all the questions bubbling in your head that you were ignoring like why were they here? What did they want the Mandalorian for? What was going on? Later you would have to deal with the other brother who would surely want to know who killed his kin. Later you would face the fact that you had actually killed someone, taken another’s live into your hands, and squashed it. But that would be for later.

For now, you were going to do what you did best. Fix things.

It took a couple minutes but you finished the last completely necessary touch. It need more work, some finishing touches, but this would be enough for now to get them out of here and far away. You grabbed your tool box and tore around the corner, finding the Mandalorian standing at the entrance of the ship with a blaster held firmly in his hand.

“Where is the kid?” you asked.

“Inside. Safe.”

You nodded, feeling peace at the words but also a pang of pain in your chest. You wanted to say goodbye but you didn’t want to waste time or put the kid in danger. You supposed this would be it. The end.

You knew it was coming but it someone hurt more than you had expected. You didn’t know how the child had managed to snag such a big chunk of your heart in two days but he had, enough so for you to kill to protect him. But you knew deep down, in your bones, the child was special. He had a power, one you could probably guess as to what it is, but one you couldn’t possibly fully comprehend.

You let out a small sigh. “You guys are good to go. You should get out of here before the brother comes.”

The broad helmet tilted, his T-visor trained on you. “He will come for you.”

You knew that was true. In all honestly, you’d probably given yourself a death sentence. But there wasn’t much you could do about that, nor would you change anything you had done in the last few days.

“I’m tough. I’ll be fine.” you insisted, giving him a hesitant smile.

“You didn’t have to do what you did.”

You paused, thinking a moment before saying the words you truly meant. “I did.”

The Mandalorian nodded. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” you said, beginning to step backwards. “Tell the kid I said bye.”

You began to turn around and walk away when his voice rang out again. “The ship will need more work soon.”

You turned, tilting your head and nodding slowly. “Yeah.”

“And you are sure there is no way off the planet?”

You were confused, eyebrows scrunching up. “Your ship can run and go into hyperdrive. Last you long enough to get to your mechanic. I did a good job.”

“I meant for you.”

“Oh.” you sighed out loud and shrugged your shoulders. “No. But I’ll be fine.”

The Mandalorian nodded, turned around and beginning to walk up his ramp, into the ship. You turned the opposite direction, beginning to walk towards your home. You probably shouldn’t go there, considering the fact that Darin knew where you lived and he would probably tell the brother of the man you killed.

But you had no where else to go. So you would go home, maybe make a cup of caf, and wait.

The thud of the Mandalorians stepped paused and you also stopped in your tracks, not turning around but listening.

“Get on the ship.”

Your whole body whipped around, finding the Mandalorian facing you. He stood confidently in his spot, as if what he just said was something he fully supported. Like he had just proposed something atrocious.

“What?” you choked out.

“You saved the kid. I can’t leave you here.” The Mandalorian explained before giving you another firm, “Get on the ship.”

You looked behind you, to the path you were just about to take home. But you froze at the thought of home. Yungbrii wasn’t home. It was hollow and cold and desperate, just like your life had become. You hadn’t felt at home in a long time and the first thing to give you the tiniest sliver of comfort that came with the idea of home was the soft smile of the child.

So for the first time in a very long time, you let that little bit of hope that bloomed in your chest every night like a siren call burst into a fiery flame. You didn’t feel like burying it away this time and succumbing to the life you had settled for. You had felt more alive the past few days than you had in a long time and that feeling alone was worth stepping outside of the tall walls you had put around yourself.

And in the end, the Mandalorian was only offering you a ride. Maybe whatever was next to follow would offer you something so much better. So much more meaningful.

You felt yourself nodding, hands clutching onto the strap of your bag. You already had everything you absolutely needed in there.

What was stopping you?

You felt one foot step forward and when the act made you feel lighter, you continued on until you reached the ramp and faced the Mandalorian. “Let’s go.”

You both moved into the foreign ship, watching the door close on Yungbrii.

But it didn’t feel like the door was closing. It felt like one was opening.

____________________

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[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 1]

Summary: With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

A/N:  This is the first part in a series, I’ve written the first few chapters already so I’m hoping to update pretty regularly! I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: None really for this chapter, cursing? Mean-ish Spencer

Word Count: 6.5k

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

I wasn’t at the BAU long before it started to feel like home. The team became my family, pure and simple.

Having been recruited by Hotch at only 22 I'd sort of fallen into the roll of the little sister to the team without really meaning to. It's not that I was naive, or particularly sheltered even. I know I'm good at my job, and I'd want to be, given how my life's revolved around it almost entirely. But the team seemed to adopt a protective mindset over me right off the bat.

When I first joined the FBI everything was terrifying. I worked so hard for my PhD, trying to get into the unit, but there's almost nothing that can actually prepare you for the real thing. Being out in action in the field, working the cases out in real time. Sometimes they had a smooth, easy conclusion followed by loud obnoxious drinks together. Then there were the others, the ones that kept me up for days after and felt as though they owned little pieces of my heart still.

It was JJ that helped the most on those horrible flights back on the jet. Noticing my anxious ticks and uneasy disposition after that first case that had ended badly. JJ had been through it all before, taking too many cases home with her. Seeing her son's little faces in the kids that we couldn't help. If I was the baby of the team JJ was the big sister, looking out for everyone.

Morgan on the other hand was the outrageously cool older brother, the one you just wanted to be. Early on he'd helped my weak self with the ruthless fitness regimen the FBI required, he offered to pull some strings and get the test written off. But I couldn't accept that, there was something in me that just wanted to impress Morgan, and honestly still does. Like somehow if he thought you were cool, then it became true. So I passed the exam, but getting up a flight of stairs was near impossible for a week after.

Emily was probably the fun aunt. The one that would sneak you booze at the family gathering, or take you to your first concert. Emily was actually the one who'd found me, digging around colleges for potential recruits she'd had me picked out for a while I later found out. Insisting that Hotch give me a shot. It was reassuring to know I had someone who would stick up for me from day one.

I was an tech analyst, among other things, sort of a counterpart for Garcia in the field. So it was no surprise to anyone when the two of us hit it off as though we'd known each other forever. We weren't the same by any means though. Penelope was bold, and bright, and confident beyond measure, where I've typically felt like more of a blend into the background type. I've always thought of myself that way, despite my achievements. I'd also always believed I was fairly inoffensive, no one I'd met had ever had a huge problem with me, 'till I got to the BAU that is.

Every rose has its thorn I suppose.

That thorn in my side was Dr. Spencer Reid.

It wasn't that Dr. Reid was a bad agent, or even a bad person. I hadn't actually met him before that first day in the conference room, but I'd known who he was for a long time. Before I came along he'd held the mantle of 'youngest ever recruit' in the unit, while I was studying I'd read any of his work I could get my hands on because of that fact.

I figured it must've been some sort of hazing when he looked me up and down that first day I was introduced, and then proceeded to blank me entirely for a full week. Up until I'd wrapped my first case.

The whole team went straight from the jet to the bar. Proceeding to get far too drunk. Spencer joined, which the rest of the team found unusual, and I probably should've taken as a sign of things to come.

That case went well, and everyone was in high spirits but Reid had a sour disposition, at least it seemed that way every time he looked at me. After a few too many drinks I went outside in an attempt to sober up in the cold air, unfortunately Reid must've snuck outside not long before.

"Ugh" was all he said when he first caught my silhouette approaching him. The night was unusually cold so it had been deserted outside the bar that evening. I wasn't really sure why it made me nervous to be alone with him like this, the two of us leaning back against the same small area of brick wall, looking out at the cold night.

"Nice to see you too doctor" was all I could muster, I was drunk enough that I let my sarcastic tone leap out, "you can relax, I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's too stuffy in there, and loud. I'm not here to talk to you or anything."

"Well aren't you a sensitive thing" he responds in kind, at that point I wasn't really sure if it was a coincidence or if he'd been genuinely avoiding me, but things were starting to clear up.

"I'm sensitive, that's a fun take on things" I joke, taking a long sip of cold water from my glass.

"And what's that supposed to mean, newbie?" his emphasis on the last word all but confirms my suspicions.

"Fuck man, what's your problem with me? Is it because I'm new, or because I beat your stupid record?" I quip. hoping that at the very least it might coax him out of his shell. Dr. Spencer Reid getting angry at me could honestly be better than the nothing I'd been experiencing from him until now.

"What stupid record?" he sounds genuinely confused

"I'm the youngest BAU recruit now?" I didn't know why else he could be so sour. He'd never met me before last week, and since he'd ignored me that first day I'd done all I could not to step on his toes. So if he had a reason to hate me this much, it wasn't something I'd done on purpose.

He takes a few moments to respond, raising his eyebrows and considering the information. He chuckles. He fucking chuckles.

"That's funny." he says, his voice leveling out, "I didn't peg you as funny newbie" that word sets something off in me again. Something about it is dismissive, or belittling. Before I could fight back he starts to move, maneuvering around me and heading back inside. A little too tipsy to think of anything constructive to say, I just mutter "Fuck you Spencer."

He swings open the door, as he walks inside he just says "See you Monday, Newbie" without even looking at me.

And that was only the beginning.

----

"You know I'm just trying to make sure you get enough rest sweetheart. There's no need to get so defensive!" it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with this call. Since joining the BAU a few years ago this was a standard call from my Mom. Equal parts well meaning and over-bearing, and generally asking far too many questions.

"I'm not getting defensive Mom, I get plenty of rest, my job is just very important to me and you know that." I knew she was right to be at least a little worried, this job was consuming, and in all honesty I wasn't sure how people like JJ were married and still here. It seemed like an impossible feat.

"Fine sweetie, how are your co-workers doing then? How's Penelope? Give her my love" she loved Penelope, I think she thought that Penelope tethered me to the normal world, and in a way she was right. She kept me sane, and fun, and made me eat pizza and do face masks once a week at least. Even when I didn't think I wanted to.

"Pen's great Mom, everyone's good. Well, the usual ones get on my nerves, but I'm fine." As I say it I glance across at Dr. Reid, the only person who's also in as early as I am most days. I'm not sure if he can hear me but he's tapping his pen so loud on his desk that it takes all of my energy not to walk across the bullpen and stab him with it.

"Y'know what Mom, I'm actually just after getting to work and it's a busy day so can I call you back later?" I chance, getting her off the phone is always an ordeal.

"Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But wait one last thing!"

I knew what was coming. It was always coming.

"Are you seeing anyone, Margot's been wondering too, just thought I'd check in?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose and trying not to scream down the line, I just sigh out the frustration instead.

"No Mom, believe it or not, I've made no progress on that front since you asked me all of 3 days ago."

"See you are being defensive!" she snaps

"I gotta go, bye Mom. Love you!" I say, hanging up quickly before dropping my head down into my arms on my desk, resting like that for a few moments in silence.

Hearing Garica chuckle behind my ear I perk up and spin around. She's holding a small paper cup of coffee and hands it to me. I look at it confused, "Sorry about the paper, I couldn't find your mug in the cabinet" she apologizes, looking over at Dr. Reid and rolling her eyes. Now I know he can hear me from his seat, he takes that moment to sip from my mug and place it gently back on his desk.

It hadn't taken long for him to start toying with me. It was always stupid childish things. Things I couldn't get genuinely annoyed at, that would give him far too much satisfaction, knowing he was getting to me in any real way. This was one trick he liked to play if he got into the office before me, he'd take my mug and make his coffee in it, just to spite me I guess.

"Why does he even do that, it's so stale" she said, just a little louder than normal to make sure he could hear. Garcia and Reid were still good friends and team-mates but she liked to stand up for me when she could. He liked to avoid me as much as possible so he'd usually go to Garcia before me if he needed help with something. Even when the two of us were out in the field together. Which was obnoxious but it was just another thing I'd gotten used to over time. And as long as it didn’t interfere with the case I just forced myself to let it go.

"I know it's such low grade bullying isn't it?" I shot back with a chuckle.

"So I'll take it that was Mommy dearest" Penelope gestures to my phone. She knew my Mom, and she knew about her general overbearing energy. I let out a groan thinking about the call again, and the calls that were to come.

"Isn't it always Mommy dearest?" I joke

"So she's still on your ass about the wedding then?" I'm sure Penelope was almost as sick of hearing about it as I was,

"Margot's getting married in like 4 months now, and every time Mom calls there’s just some new hometown loser she wants to set me up with Pen. It's fucking exhausting" I take a sip of the coffee she made me, savoring the bitter taste. She sits down on my desk for a moment, leaning in.

"Honey, did you ever think that if you got out there and found someone, she wouldn't be on your ass at all?" I don't want to think about that, about how she's completely right. All I can do is let out another small groan and lean back down onto my desk.

"Too early Pen" I say, it's muffled by the desk but she gets the message. Hopping up and heading to her own office as some more people start to arrive for the morning.

Leaving me alone to make a start on my paperwork that had built up throughout the week. Fridays were usually slow like this, giving me a little too much time to think. I couldn't shake the thought that my Mom and Penelope were actually right. Maybe I was a bit too invested in the job, and maybe that was a pretty big factor in why my last relationship imploded but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

----

After that the day crawls by, thankfully no cases pop up so the weekend might actually be free. Trying to make sure I clear up all of my paperwork takes a little longer than I'd hoped and leaves me alone in the bullpen. It seems like everyone's gone home by the time I've packed up and I'm ready to leave. Which wasn't as out of the ordinary as I'd like it to be really. Everyone else seemed to have somewhere to be on a Friday night.

Waiting for the elevator to arrive my phone started to ring, I could see my Mom's caller ID on the screen. If I just let it go I know she'll call back later, may as well get it out of the way. I take a deep breath in anticipation before I answer.

"Hey what's up?" I answer, stepping inside the elevator as the doors ping open.

"Hi sweetie, I've got good news! Do you remember David? That lovely boy, he helped out your Father that summer in high school?" I know what's coming and rub my temple, trying to stifle the headache I know is coming. As I answer a hand slides between the elevator doors, popping them open again.

Dr. Fucking Reid walks in, and he looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him. I make eye contact and look away just as fast, willing him away with my mind. "Yes Mom, I remember him, why are you telling me this?" I already know the answer but I'm fed up, she still sounds excited when she responds.

"Well you won't believe it! I ran into him at the market this morning and I thought you'd like it if I passed on your phone number to him, maybe for the weddi-" it took all I had not to shout into the receiver, and maybe I would've had the elevator been empty.

"Mom! Jesus!" I have to reign myself in, but I have a bad idea, "You know what, I'm actually sorted. I've got a date lined up now" I'm not sure why I said it with no real plan in place. She sounds even more excited than I've ever heard her.

"Oh my, that's amazing sweetie! That was fast, I can't believe you found one since this morning, it's someone from work so?" she assumes, and I'm just not thinking fast enough to correct her.

"Mmhmm, yeah" I'll figure out the logistics later I rationalize.

"Oh! Is it that boy you're always on about, the one who teases you?" she asks, and her voice is full of joy, and it makes me feel horrible that I'm lying already, and that I'm going to let her down.

"Yup, that's the one, look Mom I gotta go, I'll talk to you later! Night" I blurt out so fast it has to be obvious I'm nervous.

I can hear a stifled chuckle behind me. Fuck. How loud is my phone speaker. Could he hear that. Surely not. But this elevator was completely silent. The doors open and I have to stop myself from running to my car at top speed. Instead I walk out just a little faster than normal, turning around to shoot him a small wave goodbye. And he's got this devious smirk on his face that makes my stomach turn.

Sitting into my car I pull out my phone to text Garcia immediately.

I'm on my way to yours right now. It's urgent.

——

Traffic's light so it takes maybe 10 minutes before I arrive at Garcia's place. My mind's racing and my body takes me there on autopilot. Why did I say any of that, why did I even answer the damn phone. Why did I wave goodbye to Spencer, I never usually did that. Maybe that's why he had that look on his face. Maybe he was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier and it had nothing to do with me at all. That was something he'd do to mess with me for sure.

How was I going to walk this back with my Mom, she was just gonna have more questions that I couldn't answer. Fuck.

Garcia buzzed me up and her door was open for me by the time I got up the stairs. This little purple apartment had become my second home. It was where I spent most of my evenings off, laughing on the same sofa I was collapsing face first into right now. Garcia nestles in beside me and runs her hand over my hair, "Hey sweet pea, what's happening? I don't want to sound too concerned but you're not giving me much to go off? Are you dying, is there drama? You're going to have to tell me what's so urgent before I burst a blood vessel?"

I let out a muffled, "is drahmuh" into the pillow, Garcia shakes my shoulders.

"Sit up babe, damn!" I have to heave myself out of the pillows, sitting upright on the sofa beside her, clutching one of the pillows in my arms.

"It's drama" I repeat,

"Well, out with it then, you know I'll take all the drama I can get! Spill, spill" she rushes me along. I'm already apprehensive, Reid's her coworker too, but if anyone would understand why this was such an issue it was gonna be her.

"Okay, I'm after doing something stupid and I think I really need your advice" I cringe already, thinking back to the elevator, throwing out my words faster, I continue the story, mostly trying to get it over with, "my Mom called again when I was on the way out tonight and she was trying to set me up with this guy, and Reid was there, and I got all flustered, and I told her I had a date already" I throw my head down into the pillow again.

"Wait why was Reid there?" she looks like she's trying to fit puzzle pieces together and she's getting nowhere, "And what's the drama?"

"Shit Garcia, it was in the elevator and it was all quiet, and maybe he heard the call, maybe he didn't but he had this fuckin' look on his stupid face" I can't shake the smug little smirk, it's burned inside my eyelids. Garcia's face falls in what looks like disappointment.

"Ugh Y/N! That's nothing chill out, why does it matter if he heard your call? I know you guys are all weird but none of that is any of his business anyway!" she shoo's her hand in the air, dismissing the whole situation.

"No Garcia, it is his business now" I have to close my eyes when I say it, I can't look at her "I told my Mom that he was my date, well, I didn't say his name or anything, she assumed it was someone from work and so I just agreed, and then she suggested that it was him and then I fucking panicked Pen, I fucked up so bad. What do I do?"

I finally opened my eyes to look up at Garcia. She was sitting in pure silence, pursing her lips in what seemed like contemplation. The puzzle pieces finally slotting together. It's as though a light bulb goes off behind her eyes and she bursts out in fits of laughter. Doubling over on herself before finally taking a few breaths to calm herself down. I'm honestly not sure why she finds the whole thing so funny, she know's how needlessly annoying he's made my life, she's seen it first hand and heard me talk about it over and over again in this very apartment over pizza.

"Garcia, this is not fucking funny! This is serious!" I try to calm her down, I need advice not whatever this is.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, I love you dearly. But this isn't funny, this is hilarious. It's like you're Sandra Bullock in some mid-90's rom com. I love it" I don't love it, in fact I hate it. I nearly snap at her but pull myself back.

"Pen, come on, help me out. What do I do with this, how do I fix it?" I plead.

She stops laughing and pulls out her phone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to order us a pizza, and we're gonna sort this thing out together, sound good?" I just nod and collapse back into the sofa. I think I feel better now that I've gotten it out in the open.

----

Penelope makes us tea while we wait for the pizza, she keeps lemon & ginger in her cabinet for me, just like I keep mint for her. The warm mug and the steam calm me down. After a few minutes alone to think about it I start to figure it out a little better. I figure I can just lie to my Mom for a while, it might suck but I can pretend for a bit and then make up some excuse as to why he can't come closer to the time. Then I can just bring Garcia instead and everyone's happy. I'm about to float my plan to her there's a knock on her door. I was so caught up that I hadn't really noticed quite how starving I'd gotten. Leaping up of the sofa to grab the door.

I swing it open but it's not the pizza guy. Somehow it's the opposite of the pizza guy, my worst nightmare is on the other side of the door. He must notice my eyes blow completely wide. "Y/N!" he says, more of a statement than a question really, like he's telling himself that he's actually seeing me in the doorway. I'm not as gentle.

"What the fuck are you doing here Reid?!" I can't even disguise my anger. He seems a little flustered, like he's got absolutely no idea how to proceed.

"Um, uh, is Garcia here? I can, um, I can just come back later?" he swallows hard and shakes his head, before I can agree and tell him to get lost Penelope races to the door, pulling it wide open.

"Nope, that won't be necessary Doctor! Come on in, you're right on time sweetheart" she waves him in and he walks past me, his demeanor changing almost instantly. He's smug, like he's won whatever battle this was. And I hate it. Though he's still as confused as me despite the newfound attitude. Reid sits down on the sofa, right where I had been sitting. I bite my tongue and sit on the opposite end.

"Are you okay Garcia?" he asks with a genuine concern, "What's going on, what was the emergency?". He's not stupid, he knows she's not in danger now that he's here. But he wants answers. I don't know that I've ever seen him this confrontational with anyone, well anyone but me. The entire time I’m staring her down as she sits in the armchair opposite the two of us. My keys are in my pocket and my car's right outside. I could just jump up and make a break for it. Escape.

"You know what Doc, you won't believe it but I'm not actually the one with the emergency" she takes a beat, and I'm starting to think that I might understand why people murder other people after all these years, "Y/N has something urgent she needs to talk to you about" she's silent for another moment, and she almost looks giddy, "Actually Spencer, you might already know a little something about the matter already, now that I think about it" she smirks, and it's pure joy.

My keys are in my hand ready to bolt when the doorbell chimes again. "Oh, that'll actually be the pizza this time, if you two will excuse me" she hops up out of the armchair and races to the door, leaving the two of us alone in a horrible silence. The tension is almost too much, I want to speak but I really have no idea what to say, or how to even start saying it. But he starts.

"Y/N what's going on, I feel like I'm out of the loop here? What am I missing?" he asks, and there's something uncharacteristically genuine about the way he says it, but he can't turn to look at me as he speaks. I almost want to let my guard down and just have a conversation but I can’t force myself to do it. "Shut up Reid." is all I mutter, folding my arms across my chest.

He turns sharply on the sofa to face me. "Hey Y/N. Believe it or not I'm about as happy as you with whatever kind of Parent Trap situation Garcia's got going on here. But from what I'm picking up on you've got a problem and I'm supposed to be able to help with it. So do you want to tell me what's going on or not? I can just go?" I can see that there's an anger bubbling right below the surface, threatening to burst. I know I shouldn't but I let him stew in silence for a little too long and he jumps up off the sofa.

"Y'know what, typical" he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it, "this is all about you." he throws his bag over his shoulders and begins to walk towards the door. Something in me just snaps.

"All about me?! Are you fucking kidding? I've been tip-toeing around you for years, ever since I joined this damn unit!" I shout as Garcia comes back into the room, pizza box and plates in her hands.

"So, who's hungry?" Garcia asks, trying to break the tension, or pretending there's no tension at all. Reid shakes his head in disbelief and rubs his temple before he speaks again, "Actually I was just gonna head out" he gestures to the door, "I'm clearly not wanted here so I'm gonna leave you guys to it." Spencer makes a move to leave but Garcia grabs the strap of his shoulder bag, yanking him back ever so slightly before he really has the chance to escape.

"You are going absolutely nowhere kid" She points back to the sofa, "get back there" she glances to me, staring with far too much intensity. "You too, sit." Her voice is more stern than I've ever heard it, even while we were on a case. I can't help but obey her command and I sit back down on the sofa in silence. Followed by Reid, clearly processing the same uneasy feeling of a serious Penelope.

She sits opposite the two of us again. "Y/N, Spencer, I love the two of you with all of my heart, albeit separately, and I would die for either one of you. But you've got to chill the hell out!" she says it like she's had it bottled up forever. The tension that releases from her as she says it looks euphoric.

She opens up the pizza box and lays it on the coffee table and takes out a slice for herself. Taking a bite she leaves the two of us in stunned silence. Once she finishes the mouthful she turns to me specifically, "Y/N you tell him, or I will." dead serious. And the feeling in my belly is like I've just fallen down an elevator shaft.

My stomach is in knots as I turn to Spencer on the sofa next to me. His face is puzzled and I think I might be able to make out pure terror in his expression. I don't know that I've ever been looked at like this before and my stomach screws up tighter. I have to take a deep breath and I can't believe I'm about to say it. "Fuck it" I have to take another breath almost immediately so I just have to force the rest out, "I don't know if you heard the call I was on while we were in the elevator earlier?" I look up to gauge his reaction and I can see his face relax, and worse than that, one corner of his mouth lifts into a sort of smile. It's a look of pure smug satisfaction and I think I might scream. I have to close my eyes because I really don't think I can look at that face as I say the next part.

"My sister is getting married in a few months and my Mom's been on my ass to find a date for the wedding and she keeps trying to set me up with these losers, so I fucking panicked, and I told her you were my date." by the time the sentence is out my eyes have screwed up so tight it feels like I have to pry them open.

He sits in silence for too long. Thinking, maybe?

"So I'm the boy who teases you then?" he grins. So he did hear. And he did laugh. He looks far too self satisfied. Now he knows he's right. He knows I've talked to my Mom about him, that he's gotten in my head. I can tell from his smile that he's savoring the moment. Mostly because I can't slap the smug smile off his face I drop my head into my hands. In an effort to disappear I guess.

"So," he says, taking a moment, "is that all you wanted to say then?" he asks, lighthearted and obnoxious, back to his usual self. I snap back to reality, shooting my head back up.

"What do you mean is that all?" I throw back genuinely shocked,

"Is that all you had to say Y/N? Can I go now? It's a long bus ride home y'know" he smirks but makes no effort to move. He can't possibly be making me do this.

"Well no, obviously!" I stutter, "I mean, are you, will you, uh?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. He leans in on the sofa looking directly at me, refusing to break eye contact.

"Did you have something you wanted to ask me Y/N?" I just want to smack that fucking look off his face,

"Fuck you Spencer Reid" I almost whisper under my breath, but Garcia snaps me back to reality.

"Hey!" she looks at me, stern again, "Ask him." it's not a question, or a suggestion, it's a command.

"Fine okay" I scrunch my eyes up again, "Will you come to my sisters wedding with me as my fake boyfriend?" I curl up into myself as I say it, I can almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach. Like I'm having a biological reaction to the whole thing.

Reid crosses his arms and sinks back on the sofa, like he's performing the act of thinking. He's considering my offer to make me squirm.

When he finally speaks he says "Well I would Y/N, but I really fail to see what's in it for me" he's after getting cocky now.

Garcia pipes up, excited, "Oh, Oh! I know! I have an idea!" she interjects, "Spencer remember how a while ago, back after your apartment flooded you were all all worried about your antique books and prints and stuff?" he nods, "Well Y/N could digitize the collection for you as a back up? I know you're a technophobe? C'mon Y/N, you know you could do that no sweat, and it would take you a lifetime alone Spencer?" I really don't want to admit it but she's right. Even I knew Reid was adverse to any technology that wasn't vital, but it was your specialty. And maybe that was a good trade off, a job like that would be near impossible for him to pull off without help. I take a glance over at Reid and he seems to have had the same train of thought as me. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and relaxes his posture.

"Fine, I guess that's a fair trade. I'm in." he resigns and I almost can't believe it. I'm barely processing the whole conversation as he sticks his hand out to me, I'm confused for a second before I grab it and shake it firmly. Condemning myself to whatever's about to happen. And it's not the time to be thinking about it but maybe this is the first time Spencer and I have ever touched? But I shove that thought away.

Garcia's positively beaming and she's not even trying to hide it. "Now it's like you're both in a Sandra Bullock movie, oh, but you're Hugh Grant maybe?" she points to Reid.

"Don't push it" I shoot in her direction, taking a slice of pizza, now that my anxiety stomach has sort of passed.

Once the pizza's been eaten in near completely awkward silence Spencer stands up off the sofa. His unsure demeanor has returned and he looks nervous. "I actually should get going this time" he says but Garcia pipes up to protest,

"No, it's not even late!"

"It takes me a while to get back home, thank you though Pen. For... this?" he gestures to the whole living room, "Night" he waves. He's almost made it to the door before I stand up out of my seat. I'm not really sure what comes over me, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe I'm just exhausted.

"Wait Spencer. Let me give you a ride home?" I ask and it's like it's not even me saying it .

"Thanks, but I think I can make it home just fine" he dismisses, and there’s an antagonizing tone in his voice that snaps me right back to our usual rapport.

"I'm trying to do a nice thing here, fuck! Just let me do something nice!" I snap, and he throws his arms up in surrender.

"Fine alright, if it'll make you feel better"

"Fuck you Reid" I mutter under my breath and I sort of hope that he does hear me really. If he's gonna be hostile about this I can be too. I give Garcia a hug goodbye but I'm going to scold her for this whole thing later.

----

I lead the way outside and climb into my car, Spencer hops into the passenger seat and it feels as strange as always to be alone with him. Especially because it's not an accident, and it's not in work. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He seems like he's unwilling to break the silence, so I just get it over with.

"Where the hell do you live man? I'm gonna need directions." I say, as deadpan as I can muster, which probably isn't all that intimidating.

"Sorry, yeah, so you're gonna want to turn on the ignition" he teases. I definitely wasn't intimidating enough.

"Don't push it" I say, turning to give him a cruel stare, he just reacts with a smirk, that same one from the elevator earlier.

"Oh, I'm pushing it?" he asks, feigning disbelief

"I'll kick you out of this damn car" is all I can think to say. He barely responds, he just lets out a soft chuckle. I want to ask 'what's so funny' but he speaks before I can get the words out.

"I can't believe you talk to your Mom about me" he continues to laugh. That's enough.

"You know what Reid, of course I have! I work with actual murderers on a daily basis and somehow you've been the only real source of friction in my life since I joined the BAU!" He stops giggling a little, but not entirely, he looks like he's making an effort to contain himself.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just never knew I got to you like that" he still finds the whole thing amusing, but I sure as hell don't.

"Directions, now" I demand, looking straight out the front windshield.

"Fine, keep going straight on this road for a while and I'll tell you when to turn" he says, finally playing nice.

The two of us drive silently for most of the journey, the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually we arrive outside his building, and it's nicer than I thought it would be. But I have no idea what I was really basing that on. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Dr. Reid lived in an actual home, I had pictured him sleeping upside down in a cave maybe, or in a cryogenic chamber with all the other life-like genius robots.

"So," he says, breaking the silence, "When is this wedding?"

"4 months from now, in and around" I respond, matter of factly. Spencer nods, taking it in.

"Alright, so I've got 4 months, in and around, to learn enough to convincingly pass as your loving boyfriend. Doesn't sound so difficult." he jokes, his tone harsh and sarcastic.

"Look Spencer, I know this is insane and honestly kind of stupid. But in all seriousness, you can back out right now if you're not on board with whatever this is. I'm telling you this is the last exit ramp." I try to say it with sincerity, giving him a genuine out if he's not comfortable with the weird set-up that Penelope pulled on us both. He thinks on it for a moment and shakes his head.

"So how are we gonna do this?" he asks, and I really thought he was going to back out. So I don't have an actual answer.

"Well, I uh, I haven't really given a plan much thought. How about I come over and start working on some of the stuff you want digitized like Garcia mentioned and I can use the time to give you the footnotes on my life?" I suggest, at least that would make it easier to knock things out all at once. Rather than having to spend even more of my free time with Reid than necessary. He looks content with the improvised plan.

"Alright, sounds good." he undoes his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out of the car before turning back to me, "Are you coming inside or what?"

— —

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